I’m kind of an all or nothing person. (I heard that! Was someone out there laughing?) W
hen I do something, I dive in and really get into it. Maybe you can go deeply into one or two things at a time, but each takes a great deal of mental and physical energy and loads of time. And you all know I’ve taken on quite a few things that, on their own, would be more than enough.
Every so often something will happen, as it does for this very reason I’m guessing, that causes me to take a huge (metaphorical) jump and view things from a higher perspective. Getting sick on vacation at the end of December did that for me. Thank goodness it didn’t take something more serious to get my attention.
I am remembering that now because I’ve been on such a “home cleansing” tear that I find myself doing it again! I am sort of obsessed with this project because it feels so good to simplify. It’s like I’m saving myself from hours and hours of future cleaning.
It’s been a frantic past few months with my daughter beginning kindergarten, her ongoing separation struggles, and my own self-imposed obligations. My to-do lists and calendar were needlessly insane, I see now.
Maybe every mom feels this way, but I think my own daughter takes an extra amount of “work” from me. She is intense, spirited, determined, and very fearful of leaving my side, along with lots of other things. The amount of patience I tap into each day has got to come from somewhere. My downfall was not only in doing too much but in not replenishing the supply when I had opportunities for reflection, rest, and renewal.
Coming out of a fever and those few days of inactivity not only showed me that it’s ok to rest, but that the flurry of activity that was “the Fall” was quite ridiculous. The energy spent on such frivolous actions… I will spare you.
I took on far too much and kept adding to it every day as if there was something very large at stake. Not only that, but the self-judgment was high and time for quiet and restoration was too low. A recipe for failure for sure.
I had not nurtured important friendships because of feeling depleted of time and energy. I had not given as much attention to my husband and daughter because of it. Perhaps most important, I had not allowed myself time to rest and play and be me. And this is SO not how I want it to be!
Coming out of the illness, I saw that the most important pieces of my life, my husband and daughter, my larger family and community groups, are beautifully surrounding me.
I’ve taken a few steps toward “decluttering” my schedule, like resigning from teaching Sunday School for next year, moving our Girl Scout troop meetings to once a month, and saying no to helping on projects or events that just don’t resonate with me. It has brought relief and much more peace of mind, which tells me I’m headed in the right direction.
I am humbly grateful to my body for alerting me that we cannot continue this way. Living at such a frantic pace and for so many months is not healthy. It’s not as if I’m defending the free world here. Surely I can take time to eat and rest and BREATHE life in instead of speeding through it, to really notice those people who are so important to me and enjoy those relationships.
I have kicked off a fresh start to a more balanced way of life… perhaps you have too. May it be a time for loving and appreciating those around us, ourselves most of all.
Please share how you keep your schedule in check… I’d love to know!
It always delights me to hear your efforts to establish balance and nurturing self-care in your life Naomi. Like the daily activities of simple life maintenance – body care, home care, friendship care – it’s never-ending and requires vigilance. I think it’s a big mistake to expect it’s a fix-it-one-time kind of deal. We are constantly evolving and hopefully we carry our ever-increasing wisdom into each new moment, allowing us to create more ease and grace. Here’s to more of that for all of us.
Deborah Weber recently posted…A Book of Hearts
WOW! I felt like I was reading a post from my twin. People tell me I am an extremist. When I decide to do something, I am all in. Everything you wrote resonated with me deeply.
Between the Soul Space activities and an Artist’s Way class I am taking, (and a marketing class and ___, and ____…. you get the picture. ) I was so overwhelmed that I had to drop out of some activities that I was involved in. One of them was even something I had been on the leadership team for this past year (volunteering).
My morning pages gave me my answer. Cut out those activities that were not bringing me joy. Once I made that distinction, it was easier to cut out certain things. Sounds like you did the same thing in regards to your family. Congrats!
Elda recently posted…5 Essential Tips to Self-Compassion in Relationships
Oh yes! I was an ecourse junkee too! I have a whole post all about just that! Anyway, I also listened to my heart and stopped doing so much. My usual MO is to make plans for the future (because it sounds so theoretical) and then when it becomes the day to do it, I sooooo don’t want to. It may sound silly, but I even resent getting manicures and massages because they were taking up time. I took that as a sign that I need more downtime. 🙂
Oh, I hear you. Even after many years of paying for overdoing it, I still resist resting. My body says, “Nap now?” and my mind replies, “Get things done!” I am making a commitment to pay attention to my body’s needs, which include rest as well as play. Please let us know how you do with resting more, and giving yourself more replenishment time.
Harmony Harrison recently posted…Noodles and Orange Cats and Sharing, Oh My: A Short Swim through Vulnerability Land (and an invite for you to swim, too)
Yep, that sounds familiar!
Good for you to say “no” and finding balance in your life! I have learned to say no these last few years, but it is still really hard for me to do. I feel like I need to validate the reason that I had to say no, even though I don’t.
I hear ya, it’s so hard for us people pleasers. I am really trying to learn that I am enough just BEING.
Balance has been tricky for me to find in the past. I’m doing pretty well right now, but I wonder often how long I can keep it up. But it’s always good to take a chance to assess what’s happening in my life.
Melissa recently posted…The Importance of Strong Characters
It’s true I can’t keep it up long for long either without getting restless. Must just be our personality. 🙂
Well at least you are still here to blog about your progress and didn’t cut us out! We would miss you. I can identify with the fast track you were on too. And usually it takes a smack in the face for me to slow down. I will take this as a word to the wise.
Sue recently posted…Comment on A Valentine Giveaway by About being creative
Goodness, I couldn’t stop writing and blogging any more than you could stop painting!
Hi Naomi,
I am glad that you are including writing as one thing that makes the list.
I feel your pain. It does feel a bit overwhelming at times. How do I manage it? I guess my biggest tool is to allow for the ups and downs. I used to get all bent out of shape when I hit a down patch. Now, I just expect them. That makes it easier, somehow. I also try and look at the big picture. Right now, I might not be handling things so well, but I am in the process of learning. In terms of the house, I think of my mother-in-law. She is amazing with her house. Now, granted, she does not work outside the home so she has way more time than I do. But she is also about 20 years older than me and if I look back 20 years at who I was then I can extrapolate that into the future and see how she could be so much more advanced than I am right now. We are all learning. This gives me both respect for those ahead of me on the trail and forgiveness for myself for not being there yet.
Amy Putkonen recently posted…SoulSpace: Phase 5 – Discover
Allowing for the ups and downs is just the sort of compassionate viewpoint I am learning to have toward myself. I don’t want to compare myself to anyone besides a different version of myself. It’s not fair to do that and I get stuck. Good for you for being so accepting of exactly where you are right now.
As you well know, we are cut from the same cloth (sounds so much better than we’re both whacked, doesn’t it?) I am just back from 30 days of living the lazy life (oooops, good life!) – full service/all inclusive cruise where I barely lifted a finger other than to walk my 10,000 steps a day and do a little laundry, and I’m tellin’ ya, if I ever win the lottery, I’m moving onto a cruise ship. I don’t even care where it’s going. All I know is, I LOVE being called “muh-dawm” and have having my every need cared for almost before I say anything. I love having the biggest decision I have to make being which wine to pair with my dinner, and which dessert to select. Coming home and getting back into “doing it all” is about to kill me, and I’ve only been home a few days. FORTUNATELY, my hub is aware of how hard it is for me to get back into the swing of things, and cleaned up the mountain of dishes required to put together a fairly simple (but yummy, if I may say so myself) pesto pasta dish with artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes, broccoli and pinenuts, and steamed chard for dinner. Although I’m back to watching the kiddles, I haven’t even BEGUN to get back to trying to craft on top of everything else…I feel for ya, kiddo, but I have NO words of wisdom – just questions about who is stealing all the hours outta my days. Whew!
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Hee hee! I adore your sense of humor, Janet. Your vacation cruises always sound perfectly heavenly to me. How about you do what you did last time and NOT get back in the swing of things? Just plan another trip!
Are you really going to do it Naomi…I hope so..you are smart to realize that the need is there and then take steps to make it happen…so freeing and it gives you time to really think about what you want to do…so proud of you.
Cheryl recently posted…Winter Tea
Thank you!!!!
I love synchronicity Naomi! I’m blogging about Self-care today. How do I keep my schedule in check- not sure that I do. I do have an awesome support system that says – “Whoa! Too much” if I’ve tipped over the balance line. I do schedule in me time, friend time right along with the scouts and work and I’ve been asked to schedule “NO weekends” just this morning by my self-proclaimed hermit husband – lol.
I also have at least a hubby who says “too much” and to relax. Thank goodness we have those in our lives!
Such an important lesson! I think it’s tough to keep that perspective, each day, and so I am resolved to come back here and re-read this essay occasionally. I also tend to get excessively focussed on something I am learning/doing. For me the focus bounces around and it can be rather materialistic or otherwise self-indulgent. You should congratulate yourself when that’s due too. Cleaning up and clearing away clutter are very worthwhile pursuits.
Yeah, “excessively focused” is the perfect way to describe it. 🙂
I’ve learned through trial and error pretty much the same as you – have to refill the well. Julia Cameron has been a huge inspiration for me as an artist and a person over the years. I write Morning Pages every day, while drinking a cup of tea and watching the sun rise. Usually read a little something also, but those are the basics. And, every day, I make something. Just a bit sometimes, but something. If I’m not creating, my whole being rebels.
Linda Watson recently posted…Samurai Warriors, Kumihimo Weavers
I know that I’d really like to get back to Morning Pages. My little one gets up at exactly 6:44am when my alarm goes off (she always comes in my room in the middle of the night and tucks herself into her sleeping bag on the floor). I don’t have another way to wake up that she wouldn’t hear also. And there is no way she’d let me sit with a cup of tea and a journal. Hmm… I’ll think about how to incorporate this. Maybe after I take her to school.