SoulSpace update: what does your clutter represent?

These past few weeks, I have been working toward settling my frantic, to-do-list self down and finding inner peace.  I know that sounds grandiose and it’s probably really quite simple.  Sometimes clearing outer clutter helps clear inner clutter.  Sometimes giving myself permission to relax isn’t enough and I need outer permission to take it easy.  I need a guide.

I spend most of my time at home and therefore a calming, peaceful home environment that truly reflects my spirit is essential.  I was gifted the lovely book SoulSpace: Transform Your Home, Transform Your Life — Creating a Home That Is Free of Clutter, Full of Beauty, and Inspired by You by my friend Amy about a year ago and I loved using it to guide me toward a home that more reflects me and my family.  Now our 100-person bookclub that Amy started is on week 6, CREATE.  It is a stage all about manifesting.

Marianne Williamson’s introduction to the book says it so well: “SoulSpace is about more than how we decorate our homes; it’s about how we care for ourselves. It guides us into a deeper understanding of more than mere home decoration: it teaches us how to create a home that provides not only for our physical comfort but for our emotional comfort too.”

In their new book, Breathing Room: Open Your Heart by Decluttering Your Home, Melva Green and Lauren Rosenfeld write that “your heart is like a home. The home is like a heart. And you, my friend, can make both places open, light-filled, and a joy to reside in.”

They also wisely write that…

“Our physical clutter is simply a manifestation of the emotional clutter we carry inside. If we attempt to remove the physical clutter without consciously acknowledging the emotional clutter it represents, then two things might happen. First, we might resist decluttering altogether because of the natural urge to turn away from our painful feelings. Second, we may find that even if we have the courage to remove the clutter, if we don’t mindfully and compassionately acknowledge our feelings, the physical clutter will return, because the emotions that caused the clutter want and need to be acknowledged and will manifest as physical clutter again and again until we do so. In the first step, we also introduce you to the emotions that tend to generate clutter and teach you how to loosen their hold on your heart.”

So.

In beginning this process, I had to accept that I was feeling hugely overwhelmed by the task before me.  In our group, it’s been a very common theme.  We have gradually encouraged each other to shift those feelings of overwhelm toward mindfulness… letting our feelings be there and acknowledging that they are valid.  I have gone from there to anger (at my excess belongings and at myself for allowing it all in) to release and finally landed in peace.

What I’ve found my own piles and stacks to mean is that I was protecting myself “just in case” and also I was surrounding myself with past letters and photos because I couldn’t quite let go just yet.

For example, I was hanging on to 10 extra 11×9 baking dishes because there was still this idea in my mind that I might become more “Martha Stewart”ish and host large gatherings.  Most of the kitchen items fell into this category, like they were all jumbled together in every cabinet or drawer just in case a party is called for.  Well, I realized that I am not likely to ever want that party! I like simplicity and comfort.  I like having one family over at a time so we can really focus on each other and talk.  And it’s the same for having 5 sets of sheets, a closet full of clothes I’ll never wear, maternity clothes and baby clothes sitting in bins in the garage, etc.  It was all a hypothetical life and I felt great letting that fall away, accepting the simplicity of who I am and what I want our home and our life to be in this stage.

As far as keeping sentimental items, I had to draw the line somewhere.  Middle school notes passed between classes evoked good memories, but I know that those thoughts are there regardless of whether I keep the shoebox of papers or not.  They already became part of me when I got them in the first place.  I enjoyed reading them for 15 minutes, reflected about how much I have grown stronger and more sure of myself over the years, and tossed them.  Same for old journals, yearbooks, cards, and letters.  I don’t need 100 cards signed by my grandparents… one or two can represent all.  I condensed 12 boxes of memorabilia down to 1, mainly deciding to keep certain things so that someday I can show them to my daughter.  Also, I may make a collage with some of these special things so I can look at them and enjoy them much more than I ever could when they were hiding in a closet.

Going through these items mindfully allowed me also to uncover some aspects of myself that I want to incorporate much more of in my life.  I’d forgotten how much I enjoy music.  I was reminded that Judaism is hugely important to who I am and I want to make sure I live and embody those values as a role model for my daughter.  (But I don’t need to keep ALL the books I had and donated them to our synagogue for someone else to study.) I let go of lots of sewing projects, but I did keep a couple in case I find time to explore that hobby again because it used to bring me much peacefulness and time to contemplate.

Eliminating the excess became an analogy for the realization I had when I was a child at a slumber party… that even if I don’t have my security blanket and special pillow, I am still quite capable and completely safe.  “Stuff” can’t really keep us safe.

CREATE and the final two phases, Elevate and Celebrate, will finish giving us the opportunity to bring those important aspects of ourselves into physical manifestation in our homes.  It’s about displaying those precious photos, living with your true self, being surrounded by a positive, inspiring, and enriching environment every single day.

Xorin Balbes promised at the beginning of his book that “once you face your belongings, confront your fears, unclutter your space, and discover your personal desires and truths, you will have more energy, feel more inspired, access more creativity, and find that you can harness your creativity and find refuge, renewal, and splendor within your own four walls.”

So far it’s all remarkably true.