“Your spiritual practice will give you many gifts, but don’t expect it to relieve you of your human nature.” So writes Alan Morinis in Everyday Holiness: The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar
In the Jewish view, the goal of spiritual life is not to reach an enlightened state in which all the questions and conundrums of life are finally solved, but rather to become much more skilled at the processes of living and to cultivate peace of mind. The Mussar teachers want us to be a calm soul, much like a surfer riding the waves on an even inner keel, regardless of what is happening within and around him. We should be balanced, at peace within, no matter what external whirlwinds we find ourselves in. You acknowledge the ups and downs, but you are calm and aware.
Good. OK. I get that and will strive for that. But I really think some people will have a much more difficult time with this than others might. I came across this list of empath traits, “22 Signs You Are A Highly Sensitive Person,” on live bold & bloom and want to share it with you because I know many of you share these qualities.
I usually know that I’m on a good path when I find synchronicities and coincidences. This article happens to mention Dr. Judith Orloff. I’m currently reading one of her books right now! I’d never even heard of her until Liv Lane mentioned her in one of her newsletters. This list of HSP traits aren’t anything new, but they came up at a time when I’m focusing on Equanimity, which seems to be very tricky when you’re so sensitive to other people’s moods. The book I just finished is Second Sight: An Intuitive Psychiatrist Tells Her Extraordinary Story and Shows You How to Tap Your Own Inner Wisdom
Are you highly creative? Close to animals? Especially vulnerable to sounds? Can you walk into a room and feel the energy right away? Do you avoid crowded places? Require a certain amount of alone time? Are you very sensitive to caffeine/alcohol?
Are you overwhelmed by negativity? Can’t stand the news? I know some people who can have emotional, screaming arguments and then just forget about it and go out to dinner. I don’t understand how!
It’s going to be a real challenge for me to cultivate an inner calm and awareness given these traits. I’m particularly vulnerable here. If you have any suggestions, I’m all ears!
Maybe I will envision a bubble around me during times of stress. Maybe these are tests to help me develop stronger boundaries? How do we balance these disturbing external stimuli with an internal calm?
In this same chapter, Morinis writes that “there is a way of perceiving that includes a kind of shimmering meta-reality that isn’t an aspect of any single thing in sight but encompasses all of it. I can shift into and out of that level of perception.” I’ve got to learn more about that!
Morinis writes about being a witness to your thoughts and emotions, separating yourself from them. That reminds me of what Michael Singer advises in The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
is sitting right here waiting for me to open it. Eeek!!) Anyway, Morinis describes “an intangible and luminous presence that radiates into all. It is the job of the witness to keep an eye out for that light. When you realize that, and assign this task to your inner witness, and strengthen this practice, then over time the witness will make you more aware of the radiance that is a constant in the ever-shifting contexts in which you live.”
It’s the way of Mussar to practice. Practice, practice, practice until something becomes a way of life. I’ve got a lot of work to do! I’m much better at it now that I’m a parent, but I still have a ways to go.
Tell me how you cope with external chaos and remain calm.
It was so nice to see that you are reading so many of Dr. Judith Orloff’s books, Naomi!
I had the pleasure of meeting her at a health and wellness conference several years ago. I was so captivated by her during her presentation that I went up to meet her. She looked at me and the very first words out of her mouth was, “You need to get a Kuan Yin pendant and wear that near your heart.”
I had never heard that name before so I came home and researched it, “the lord who looks upon the world with compassion”. Kuan Yin is known as the Buddhist Goddess of Compassion.
I was so shocked because that has been a personal goal of mine for over 15 years – to learn to demonstrate compassion to each person I come into contact with. How did she know this?!? So I immediately bought several of her books.
Anyway, I am currently reading her newest book “The Ecstasy of Surrender”. FABULOUS read. Please keep me posted on how it all resonates or doesn’t resonate with you. I would love to hear more!
Elda recently posted…The SECRET Must Come Out
She seems like a very down-to-earth and insightful person. How interesting what she said to you! I looked on Wikipedia and it says that means “Perceiving the Sounds (or Cries) of the World.” What a compliment and she noticed it right away.
I could do with some loss of micromanaging everything, so I’ll put that book on my to-read list. I’m enjoying her Emotional Freedom. Learning how to use our tendencies as strengths and to protect ourselves is so helpful for navigating the world. I also never wrote my dreams down before, and that has been cool.
Thanks for your lovely comment, Elda!
Naomi, as a flower essence practitioner it really depends what you are having trouble with at the time. I offer sessions to determine what would be beneficial. But there are go to’s that you can use in a pinch. Rescue remedy is fantastic. Another name for this same essence would be Calming Essence. It helps calm you in extreme conditions. Helps with fear and keeps you from progressing to past trauma. Abd Cleanses your thoughts to release anything that is happening for you at that moment. Walnut helps you feel secure in any instance using its protection quality, and will help you to continue moving forward towards transistion. Yarrow, as Janet suggested, is a great one to help sensitive people feel protected. Mimulus helps with what you know are your fears and Aspen helps with all the unknown fears you can’t see but sense. Of course there are many more. That’s one reason why you may want to work with a practitioner to narrow down what may be most beneficial. But this combination should do a good job for you. Less is more. Just a few drops more frequently work better. The standard is not more than 7 drops or more than 7 times a day. You can put the drops in water and sip all day or place directly in your mouth. No need to worry about with food or not. Just give them a shake to wake them up before you use them. I hope Ive been able to help at least a little bit. 🙂
Kelli Spencer recently posted…When Does It Become Less About You And More About Them?
Hugely helpful, Kelli. Thank you! I’ll look at your website too.
Yes, this was affirming to know there is a reason I feel these things. I really hate to have the news on while eating – it is just over consumption. I listen to NPR on the way home,get home and my husband is watching CNN – I don’t need it regurgitated, so now I know why I want to be alone when I get home. I am very in tune with animals – and have been investigating the Buddhist philosophy to come to terms with meat and taking care of the planet. It too believe in baths, I read in a bath every morning. Think I’ll add the epsom salts this AM as my lower back is bothering me. Affirming post
Vickie Martin Conison recently posted…GEORGIA ON MY MIND
I love all the ideas you’ve all suggested. An epsom salt bath first thing in the morning sounds so nice. 🙂
Naomi, As a fellow person with emotional and energetic sensitivity to my environment and my companions, I, too, work to move toward equanimity. Good energy self-care (pink yarrow flower essence, avoiding negative people and excess news, Epsom salt baths, etc.) is essential to my happy life. In addition to your post, it is interesting to see what your commenters have to say about this topic.
Janet recently posted…Creative and Alive
Ooh, I’m so happy to know about that flower essence, Janet. Thank you! I’m reading a book about how to stay open without getting overwhelmed. (Judith Orloff again) She has practical tools for each emotional type, whatever that is. Countering each negative emotion with a proactive positive one seems a good strategy too, as well as avoiding known triggers (except family you must see sometimes!).
There are times I just can’t be around people or venture into places because of the energy. If I do I’m a mess of emotions. Learning to view life as “it just is” placing no judgement has helped. Taking one day at a time learning how to breathe through any circumstance seems to be the norm for me. Flower essence combinations are a must on occasion. I guess you just get used to flow. Understanding there will always be good days and bad. Good people and bad. Knowing that without change life ends. And most of all, accepting life as you have it is wonderful even through adversity. Loving the life you have creates an amazingly strong platform from which you’re more able to transform and create more.
Kelli Spencer recently posted…When Does It Become Less About You And More About Them?
Kelli, what flower essences do you find helpful? I like the perspective you have. 🙂
Such interesting info you have shared with us here. I took a look at the 22 traits of an empath and although some of these represent me I can’t say they all do. I’m probably border line and I wonder if I have “trained” myself to overcome some of traits. The whole concept is just so intriguing.
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Thanks so much for your comment, Sue. Any self-protection you’ve naturally figured out is a good thing. 🙂
I guess I’m rather a ‘mixed bag’ when it comes to those ’22 traits’. I can handle pain, I can handle the coffee, and I can usually get through the news. BUT..when it comes to animals, especially anything bad…I have a very difficult time. As a child, I refused to watch “Lassie”. I literally would throw a fit until an adult changed the channel. Even though I knew it was just a tv show…that everything would be fine in the end. I just couldn’t handle it. I’m still that way….and when reality strikes and I hear about animals who have been hurt or abused in real life, I have a very difficult time getting through it. I pray. I use the phrase….”let go and let God”….I turn it over to my ‘higher power’ and that does help. I do love people and enjoy and can handle most crowds, but I also have to have my alone time.
Debbie Goode recently posted…Meet Nuchi….
Debbie, I think that’s a rare talent, not a weakness at all. I wish more people would think of ALL sentient creatures as having feelings, etc. So much of those Lassie-type shows have truth to them, so it’s good to care, I think. You are certainly more awesome than you think of yourself as being. 🙂
Love this. The term equanimity is fairly new to me but not the concept. It is a constant challenge that does get easier although I’m not sure the challenge will ever go away completely to stay in that space of inner calm no matter what is going on around us. I also love Michael Singer’s books…agree it’s one of the best books out there and am excited to check out his new book. Thanks for sharing it.
Michele Bergh recently posted…Quotography Link Up: Shadow and Light
I think of equanimity as a balanced double scale. I agree… the goal isn’t to be calm 100% of the time for then what are you learning from life??? Thanks for your comment!
Similarly to Linda, I consider myself highly sensitive, but not an empath. I can pick on other people’s energy, but not t0 the point that it interferes with my own and I can easily switch off, too. But then I don’t follow the news because afterwards I can’t sleep at night. So thanks for the reading recommendations, I feel that I might find them useful.
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Well that’s good that it doesn’t interfere and you can control it. I am learning how to do that too. You must be a natural!
I know I’m not highly sensitive, and I’m not an empath. I have a very high tolerance for pain, medication and alcohol, and I’m most definitely an extrovert. Only about 60 % of the 22 points fit me. But I feel for those who are at that level of sensitivity. I know a couple who are, and it hasn’t been easy for them. It’s good that this is being brought forward now.
Linda Ursin recently posted…Inviting you to play with me
You know, Linda, I used to see these sensitivities as hindrances that make life harder, but now I am thinking of them as strengths. I can sense things others can’t. I can tune in to know when something is wrong. I am passionate and insightful. See? All blessings!!
They are strengths, once you know how to handle them, or make them work for you 🙂
Linda Ursin recently posted…Inviting you to play with me
Anytime Naomi! You are so right about the very few wonderful public happenings of the world vs. the 10,000 negative ones. Gaiam TV is so positive, uplifting and amazing. You’ll love it! As far as delving into authors that help I started out researching, “Roy Masters”, which is where I learned how to meditate. Jim Self “What do you mean the third dimension is going away”, Wallace Wattles “The Science of getting rich”, John Randolph Price “Super beings”, I’m just starting to read Brian Tracey’s “Maximum Achievement” and John Randolph Price “The Abundance book”. Doreen Virtues books always give me a positive prospective as well along with the ancient texts giving me deep insite.
I am sensitive to alcohol/caffeine, the news I don’t watch (love Gaiam TV) and the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”, I need my alone time often, I love being around people but do feel uncomfortable in very large crowds unless I’m singing while performing live. I read many books about thought awareness and tuning into your emotions as well. Our emotions are our “energy in motion”. That is something I was taught by a man named: Jim Self. He gives exercises that help with the negative or over-stimulated positive energy, helping to be aware of it and notice how it can turn into an emotion. The exercises he teaches help the emotions when they are intense to pass. He says it’s good to do that because we have so much stored up emotions from over the years we have to release. I meditate daily and that helps to release the emotions and accumulated “baggage” we carry from over the years. I like the idea of how the Jewish people see our human existence. I’m a believer of Christianity and Eastern Phiosophy, but find there beliefs to be resonating and understandable. Life can be Wonderful and Hard. I believe it is all how “We” perceive it. We can change it all starting with our thoughts about it. I work on this daily. It is an ongoing process I believe, at least for now for me. Thanks for the post and all the great book advice!
Thank you so much for this lovely comment, Virginia. I avoid the news as well since they talk about the one negative occurrence out of 10,000 beautiful ones. I am positive it’s completely out of proportion to reality. I hadn’t heard of Gaiam TV, will look into it. If you have some suggested book titles about emotional awareness, I’d love to know. I’m only just now diving into that realm. I agree with you that our perceptions shape our thoughts and emotions. It’s fascinating to me how energy mutates and forms our life experiences.
I don’t think I am especially aware of other people, but I also tend to have strong emotional reactions to news, and I avoid it to a certain extent. I need to be alone, especially in natural settings, and I think that’s one reason I am happier when I ride to work instead of drive. I see myself as being somewhat like a rabbit, always watching the world anxiously, assuming that others wants me for dinner. I worry excessively about finances, and about travel, and gradually I’ve learned to accept that about myself, and use it to a certain extent. There is nothing wrong with planning your trips in detail, so you know which bus to catch and what the bus fare will be. Similarly, it’s good to know where your hard-earned money got spent in detail. I guess that is how I cope, to accept my own nervous nature, forgive myself, and try to channel it into useful paths. Another coping mechanism is exercise, because that calms me down wonderfully. It’s some combination of using up the energy produced by worry, making myself feel good, and ensuring that I sleep well. Sleep really helps me cope. I am not Jewish but I sincerely admire the spiritual goal you’ve described. It sounds very practical.
It’s sort of like excavating our emotions to uncover our habits and tendencies, isn’t it? You sound like a good observer of yourself and you’ve come up with helpful tools to use. I’m impressed over here!