I’ve got to tell you about Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast called Magic Lessons!
The first episode is called “Do What Ignites Your Soul.” It touched on something I feel often. As a stay-at-home mom, sometimes I feel guilty that I have other focuses besides my daughter. She says women in general, and mothers especially, need to give themselves permission to do the things that ignite their soul. Not only is it for ourselves, but it’s an excellent example for our children. She herself (and her sister) are writers because her mother was dedicated to her own projects.
“There’s a deep, deep sense that once you are a mother, you lives belong exclusively, entirely, and only to your children, even if they’re in school… even if there’s 8 hours a day where they’re not in your presence. Anything that you’re doing in those hours that is for you and not for them, there’s this deep fundamental sense that you are taking something away from those children… that anything you do that ignites you harms them.”
Of course we must be kind to ourselves, and fill up our own needs and give ourselves a life… we can better take care of a family if we are cared for. But beyond that… Anything we do that blocks us from the work that wants to come through us is fear. It can show up as perfectionism, guilt, procrastination, insecurity… because we are too scared to do it.
I have definitely been too scared at times but I am overcoming it. I know what Liz is talking about for sure.
She reads a quotation from the British novelist and woman of letters Dame A.S. Byatt, author of my absolute favorite book of all time, Possession
“I think of my writing simply in terms of pleasure. It’s the most important thing in my life… making things. As much as I love my husband and my children, I love them only because I am the person who makes things. I am who I am as the person who has the project of making a thing. And because that person does that, all the time, that person is able to love all these other people.”
In other words, if we don’t allow ourself the creative outlets, the intellectual interests, the soulful exploration, then we am not wholly ourselves, and that will lead to resentment that we’ve lost our life to them.
Tell us how you could better embrace a creative outlet and what it might open for you.
I’d heard about that book, so it didn’t take much to make me hop over to Amazon and order a used copy of the book. I think it is kind of serendipitous but this is the 2nd thing I’ve read today about giving yourself “permission” !!!!
Vickie Martin Conison recently posted…COLORADO ON MY QUEST
Thank you for turning me on to Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast! Sounds like it’s something I have to check out.
I don’t have kids of my own (of the human variety, at least), but I do remember the moms I knew when I was a child. The most inspiring moms, and the ones I still love to this day, were the ones who were making art. Not just “doing art” for their kids’ sake, but making the art of their heart because it is what they loved to do. I’m grateful for their example, and I think of them frequently as I make the art of my heart today.
Harmony Harrison | Harmony with Animals recently posted…Cartooning in the Belly of the Whale: My artsy, dogsy life, now in glorious InkSpillVision!
That’s so awesome that you remember them and they made that much of an impact on you!
I totally agree with this, but I might suggest there is also another important aspect. Mothers model so much for their daughters and one of the most powerful things they can do is model how being in touch with and honoring the fullness of one’s being is crucial. We don’t have children to give up pieces of ourselves. And any society or convention that suggests we should needs to be confronted.
Deborah Weber recently posted…A Week Ending A Season Beginning
Amen!
I wished I had done this because when mine went off to college (years ago), I was lost since I didn’t even know what brought me joy. I had been so focused on making sure we did things he liked. Good for you for filling your soul with joy!
I really like your ‘show me your smile’ art piece! Beautiful…
Elda recently posted…Life Is Not A TV Show
I think many people do this. We used to have classes at our firm for people on the verge of retirement who were lost and had no clue what to do with themselves. 🙂
I couldn’t agree with you more Naomi. I was blessed with being able to stay at home with my daughter when she was growing up. I filled our days with making quilts and dolls and stuffed animals. I did it for me, to keep me sane, and for her it was fodder for who she has become. An artist, a teacher a really good person, whom I’m very proud of. Yes, do what makes your heart sing. When we’re happy we emanate happiness. Simple as that. I’m checking out your favorite book now.
kimberly recently posted…First day of Fall – Day 22
We definitely have to parent true to ourselves first. I am trying to do what you describe too.
This is so true. It’s important to carve out time for ourselves. If we don’t, resentments build up and eventually boil over. We become the persons we are working so hard not to be!
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Mum Will Be 93