This is a quotation from Karen Maezen Miller’s book, Mamma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, that I identify with and would like to share with you:
“We hurry up our childen only to try, in vain, to hold a part of them back. Everything happens in its own time soon enough. Soon enough is always too soon. “Don’t push the river,” my Zen teacher says to pull me back when he sees my mind wander off in search of someday. “Let the future come to you.” Ready or not, it does. It toddles forward on its first steps, teeters on a threshold for one agonizing instant, then turns and waves bye-bye. Goodbye, sweet baby; hello, sweet girl.
“When I occupy that instant, any instant, my heart’s fullness reminds me that here is everything and everything is here. This is how I would live if I had mastery of myself – without wasting one sideways glance at what was or what has yet to be… If I were looking forward or lingering too long, forever looking backward, I would miss too much. I would miss it all.” (p. 114)
that is exactly how I feel about Addi right now – she’s such a little girl now and nearly all traces of babyhood are gone – I am so lucky to have shared that part of her life and we will never get that back – I try to live in each day too because there just aren’t enough of them!
Having not known her when she was a baby, I’ve always seen her as a girl. Isn’t it interesting how mothers always have a child’s history in mind? I totally agree to live each day because we don’t get them back. I miss seeing you, by the way. 🙂