Life lessons

Jo Anna recently ran a blog post called Things to Remember When You Feel Crappy that resonates with me for a number of reasons.  Since I’m in the middle of many changes (daughter about to begin preschool, living in an apartment and renovating our new home, exploring a photography business, looking for some personal space, husband even busier at work), I think it’s wise to remember that much of what I’m experiencing is temporary.  My thoughts are in italics below.

1. Things have a way of work­ing out for you…and some­times the Universe’s way of work­ing them out can be… messy.  I really think this is true.  There aren’t many experiences that I can look back upon and think they didn’t teach me something very valuable that I’ve used for living the rest of my life.  I feel better when I think that it’s all going to be ok no matter what.
2. If life is too hard then some­thing is not work­ing. Often that has to do with your own beliefs and thoughts.  Stop, reeval­u­ate, make changes and move on.  So true for me.  I often dread upcoming events that end up being not-so-bad.  Such a waste of energy and time.  Or my daily routine with my daughter: I’ve been feeling frustrated and looking for breaks from her, but I decided to change my way of thinking and it’s made a huge difference.  I only have 36 more days until she begins preschool.  While I am still counting down the days, now it’s from the perspective that she’s only this little once and I need to treasure these days because they are fleeting.  We should appreciate the gifts in our life, like our precious children, right?
3. It is ok to say no. You have the right to dis­en­gage and let go of what gen­uinely no longer serves you.  I have recently added some space to a friendship that was bringing me down.  Literally every comment and every Facebook post is a complaint.  And it always feels good when I drop off a carload of unwanted items at Goodwill. 
4. Don’t hold it all in. You have feel­ings and they need to be expressed.  Find a way to let them out in a con­struc­tive and heal­ing way (not in a blow up all over your­self, your peo­ple and the walls kind of way).  This blog is an outlet for me, as is writing.  I aim to share my feelings and thoughts with my husband, but there is often not time to connect with each other.  I’ve reached out to a few close friends recently and that has been affirming and positive. 
5. Be kind to your­self.  Like really, really kind.  Let go of any todo’s that don’t really need to get done and love your­self up a whole lot.  I soooo need to be better at this.  I often watch my daughter completely absorbed in pretend play (thank God – it took so long to get to this point!) and I marvel at how in-the-moment she can be.  I seem to create a ton of unnecessary work for myself, like when I recently decided that I needed to consign all of my daughter’s outgrown toys and clothes and so I started sorting through our storage unit that must be 130 degrees.  Completely unnecessary.  Not only have we not yet determined that we won’t have the need for these items down the road, but we have ample attic space in our new house.
6. Ask for help.  Let some­one know that things are not all righty in your world.  Talk to a friend, a men­tor, a coach, a ther­a­pist.  Write it on your blog.  Paint it and hang it up on your fridge.  Stretch out of the lonely place and allow some­one in. 
7. You are respon­si­ble for your own experience…your thoughts, beliefs, views, feel­ings.  You are NOT respon­si­ble for fix­ing, chang­ing, pro­duc­ing or heal­ing any­one else’s thoughts, beliefs, views or feelings.  Exactly.  See #3.  I distance myself from people that they think they are victims.  They believe that things happen TO THEM, rather than that they cause events by their own beliefs or actions.  Sure there’s some degree of uncontrolability in life, but I think our attitude shapes 90% of our life.
8. If your panties are in a bunch because of some­thing some­one else is doing…really look inside about how their actions are effect­ing you.  Are they truly doing harm to you, or just mess­ing up their own life? We have to let folks walk their own path.  Allow your­self to to explore why their actions are trig­ger­ing upset in you. Let them be a mir­ror into your own process.  This has come up a few times for me in the past couple of years.  If a friend really irks me, I figure she must remind me of something in myself or it wouldn’t rile me up so much. 
9. Feel totally stuck? Make a change.  Any change! Start small (move the couch) and see how it feels.
10. Know that some­where in this amaz­ing world, some­one is root­ing for you…cheering for you…and say­ing a prayer in your honor.  You will be ok.  I LOVE this! It’s usually true, too.  Whether it’s a far-away cousin or a blog-follower around the world, we are connected when we don’t even know it.