I am filled to the brim with excitement… I have a guest post on Kind Over Matter today!
She slides her adorable painted toes into the ornate plastic shoes with heels and bows. On her 4-year-old head is a sparkly tiara. Her tiny hands are adorned with rings and bracelets. She declares confidently, “I am Cinderella and I’m going to the ball tonight.”
My sweet girl has finally gotten the princess bug… I suppose it was only a matter of time. That’s her in the photo above in her tap shoes and new Cinderella shirt (which she insists on wearing day and night). Many of her friends have known all the movies backwards and forwards for years, dressing up as the princesses for Halloween or birthday parties. At our house, we do watch a little TV, but it’s mostly been Nick Jr. programs. I liked it better when she wanted to be a doctor or a smoothie maker.
And so my sweet girl urgently wants to know who all these lovely ladies are. What are their names, what do they wear, what do they like, when can we get their movies and when can we get on a plane and meet them in person??? I guess she’s like her momma in that once she gets something in her head, there’s no stopping her. So we’ve watched a couple movies, but she isn’t really that interested. Mostly we read stories about them and watch some YouTube clips of the slower songs at bedtime.
Like a moth to a flame, she can sense where this stuff is in a store and goes right to it.
I’m fine with all this. Really. At least we waited until she discovered them on her own. She still has no idea who Barbie is with her thick makeup and proportions all wrong. So it’s fine.
But here’s what I want her to know:
- You will always be complete just as you are. You don’t need a fairy godmother to come along and transform you into something you are not. Your eyes already sparkle with beauty and truth and you already radiate happiness as you dance around the house in your little tap shoes. Rarely (if ever) will your survival depend on your physical beauty. Why kill yourself wearing high heels and uncomfortable gowns? No amount of external change can alter your insides… and your insides are beautiful. Let them love who you are on the inside.
- These princesses do not write books, sway courtrooms, or lead teams to victory. They largely stay home and passively wait for “success” to find them, all while looking pretty. Sure, someday a prince may come and you may want to share your life with him. Until then (and before then and after then), live a full life. Follow your dreams, pursue your interests, learn how to do things by yourself. You don’t need a cute guy with a flying carpet… get an education and make your dreams happen.
- Just like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, do not be afraid to look beneath the surface in people. However, the way a person treats others is a good indication of how he/she will treat you.
- Notice how these women stand up tall, eyes open and bodies confident. They have the same spark of life that you have. They are sometimes frightened but largely undaunted by change or adventure. They have a sense of humor. They go after what they want (though what they want seems questionable to me). While single, they are not submissive or overly-reliant on anyone. Imagine if they truly tried to use their gifts to improve the world around them…
- There’s no place (that I know of) where life is a continual stream of enchantment and happy-ever-afters. Most people have to work hard to achieve success. Mommy and Daddy have to work on our marriage – we don’t sing ballads and swoon over each other (but wouldn’t that be lovely?). Even though we pay someone to help us clean our kitchen and bathrooms, we don’t think of ourselves as better than that person. All people’s lives involve some form of struggle or unhappiness.
- Do not abandon your principles, your friends, your family, or yourself for any one person. I learned this one the hard way.
Sweet girl, I can see that you are trying to grow up and find your own identity outside of your parents. We applaud that independence. But there are many, many steps between preschool and marriage! I much prefer it when you play “grocery store” or “bank.” You can take control of your future in other ways than through artificial gender roles and archaic views of ethnicity, race, and class.
If you call home someday and tell me that a prince came along and swept you off your feet, I may have some questions for you. 🙂
I found this humorous look at the princesses here.
Pingback: Epicness | Miss Four Eyes
Pingback: Catching up: March highlights |
It’s fun to hear about your daughter’s interest in this. The conversation here is a powerful one. The message we send are so important and, while the pull of the princess is powerful, it is not a healthy message in the big picture. I see no harm in a young girl exploring the fun of dress up and hope that they all, like you daughter, have others around them who love them for who they are and nurture their gifts, all of their gifts, and teach them the importance of being their own person.
Michele Bergh recently posted…Loving from the Inside
Yes and I think she is getting that “whole self” message. I’m able to use the princesses to help me teach manners or kindness to the earth, so that is something!
You have such wonderful messages for your daughter, and no doubt you’ll share them in all manner of ways. She’ll hear them. And I think it’s a safe bet she’ll find something a lot more fulfilling to be than a make believe industry-funded faux princess. 😉
Deborah Weber recently posted…Gratitude Gumbo 3-21-13
We raised three daughters. They each had a princess stage. Only one liked Barbies. Their biggest loves were My Little Ponies. One of my favorite books to read them was The Paperbag Princess. I recommend it. The Princess is spunky and shows she doesn’t need rescuing. I’m not as worried about princess politics since we opened up other worlds to our daughters as well. Thanks for the post.
Sheila Skillingstead recently posted…Holding back emotions
I just ordered The Paperbag Princess. Sounds so great! I like that SHE rescues the prince. 🙂 Thanks for the suggestion!
Sheila, I read my daughter this book today and I just adore the message! She is such a clever girl!! Have us lots to talk about. Thank you again for the suggestion!
Isn’t this a great book?!?!
What a terrific post and insightful comments here! I think the most important thing for young girls is to have “real” role models to look up to. The fantasy princesses will fade off after awhile but the true role models will last forever. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job!
Sue recently posted…Comment on One fish, two fish…. by Sue
Yes, you’re right. I think they model what we DO way more than what we SAY anyway.
Naomi, What a great post! And thoughtful comments from your readers. I love how Ruth uses princess interest as a place to begin conversations about broader topics. I’m struck by the pull of the princess . . . on some level it seems to me young girls are exploring power . .. in this setup, sexuality is a big point of power for princesses, don’t you think? Keep talking, keep exploring, keep providing a variety of experiences and creative opportunities, keep being who YOU are . . . I don’t think you asked for advice, but there it is, anyway. 🙂 And in terms of our shared love of reading, I recently read How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. She addresses the princess syndrome quite well, I think!
That is definitely possible because my daughter is coming into her own sense of power and self-confidence right now, testing her boundaries and trying to assert herself far more than ever before. I really do appreciate the advice!! I just got that Caitlin Moran book from the library! How funny!
Naomi,
We also waited until our children found Disney rather than introduce it to them. This was especially challenging because several of my Florida family worked for Disney World! Our daughter learned early the “ugly” side. Disney characters had come to a mall nearby, so after she begged and begged, we took her. She stood in the group for the longest time just to get the princess’ autograph. I stood to the side and cried as I saw the cute little girls being hugged and each time our daughter was overlooked.
Thinking maybe this was just oversight, we joined the group later on in the mall. The same thing happened but this time the tears were also shed by our daughter. The fairy tale ended for her that day.
I teach pre-K and most of my little girls all want to talk, play, and breath princess. Everyday we talk about real and pretend. Everyday I suggest we add to the pretend story and I ask the questions, “If you were (fill in name of princess) what job would you be going to?” “How would you earn money?” “What things would you teach your children?” They have amazing answers! And so far, have not figured out their attentions are begin diverted!
Sorry…I got carried away with my comment! I feel strongly about this subject. Thank you for writing!
Ruth Packard recently posted…A Son’s Poem
Oh my goodness, how sad! I love what you are doing in your pre-K class. I will do that as well. 🙂
I love all of your thoughts to share with your daughter. I so remember this time with Madi. When we went to Disney she dressed as Ariel, red wig and all. Enjoy the dress up fun and continue with your wise words.
My little girl loves pink and princesses, too. But I am not sure if she discovered a love for them on her own or if she just does because her older brother does!
What a beautiful post and a walk down memory lane for me…this age is so much fun and discovery…You wrote about it beautifully….and I love her shoes…
Enjoy every minute…before you know it she’ll want to be something “practical.”
Thanks, Cheryl. It does seem to change daily. Yesterday she really wanted a job at Baskin Robbins and before that, the bank. 🙂