Her: (running into the kitchen) Mommy, I was pulling out my construction kit and I accidentally kneeled on the hammer and now my knee really hurts! (tears falling from her scared eyes)
Me: Let’s see. (kissing knee)
Her: Thanks. Now it doesn’t hurt. (walks away completely fine)
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Disclaimer: This post has nothing to do with photography, art, creativity, or spirituality. I have sincere doubts that 154 people want to read about my mundane, first-world struggles. But, hey, it’s what’s going on in my life. And there’s a giveaway at the end!
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Last week, my daughter was within feet of me every day and night. She had a high fever and an ear infection and felt miserable for days. I was compassionate and took care of her as most parents would, nursing her back to health day and night, providing cuddles and medicine and soothing reassurances.
But everyone has limits. I’ve been called the most patient mother on the planet (which is pretty funny to me), but when I’ve had enough, I just can’t give any more. And this mama was tired! I’d rearranged my schedule every day… putting off the little things I do for myself here and there. After the sweet sickie refused to take her antibiotics (that I’d been to the pharmacy three times for, the final time to add a yummy flavor) and Mr. B and I had to physically hold her little straining body and force them into her, I wished her luck in getting better, in growing up, and in college and then I slammed my bedroom door and cried myself to sleep. I knew Mr. B would step up and put her to bed that night and so I crashed. (She does not willingly go to sleep with anyone but me next to her.) (Since mommy does not often get mad, after that night she has been taking her medicine.)
This week, it was to back to camp with her and much-needed quiet time for me. She is making it difficult as only she can. Every morning, she whines that she doesn’t want to go. I say whines… there are tears and dramatics worthy of an award. Each afternoon, I play games or do an art project with her, we watch kids shows together, I try to get her to eat something healthy, and every evening, it’s bath and bedtime. I have been much better at valuing this 5-hour chunk of time recently, but this week is a deviation from the norm.
Probably I am tired from last week. My little missy is really frustrating me! She shows completely different behavior with me than she does with my husband, friends, teachers, babysitters, or family. While I know we have a different relationship and she is most comfortable with me, I must be allowing her to be a little wimpy or she wouldn’t be behaving like this, clinging to me so desperately each morning (as if I’m taking her to a strange or dangerous place every day). She won’t even let me answer the front door by myself, let alone leave her to play something on her own.
My mom suggested that maybe she stays up at night reading parenting books in an effort to thwart all our plans and ideas. This little darling simply does not follow any typical developmental trajectory. She spans the extremes: still needs my physical presence but wants to do things on her own and fights interference; still will not sleep all night in her own room but has been sweetly agreeable at bedtime; smart and funny and creative but also defiant and manipulative. Extremely sensitive but also physically brave and daring. Or maybe she’s a mix of everything. She is pure spirit in the best and the worst way.
I do not know the appropriate response to these big emotions of hers. I have read a literal ton of parenting books and blogs in the past six years and I feel like I’ve asked the opinion of everyone under the sun. My usual M.O. is listening and acknowledging. Today I tried working together with her to find solutions. Tomorrow I may just hide.
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In complete seriousness, though I do realize the irony, I have an extra copy of The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children
UPDATE: The winner of this book is Erin. Congrats!
Great post! I commend you on your gallant efforts to keep it together, certainly I wouldn’t be able to. My kids are all 4 legged, and when things get crazy and mom needs a break— it’s KENNEL TIME, period! I am so grateful for that option every time my neighbors 3 kids under 7 years old are in their back yard screaming their lungs out for what seems like hours. Hang in there and give yourself a little more credit, it sounds to me like you’ve got things well under control!
I know 4-legged friends are their own kind of dependent need! My two cats did NOT understand that I just wasn’t getting out of bed. It was pretty funny how they’d come lay with me and just stare at me. 🙂
Yes to losing it! It works. Especially if you don’t do it often. No need in the slightest to feel guilty about it but of course you probably do. I did. But then the horrible behaviour that created me losing it would stop. Thankfully.
Oh Naomi the stories I could tell and yes sometimes, to my children’s utter horror, I do …
Kelly Mckenzie recently posted…Top Ten Affirmations
“Yes to losing it!!” Hooray! Love that.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with losing it occasionally. Sometimes you just HAVE to re-establish who is the boss when you are dealing with super intelligent children. I’ve even had to do it with my precious girls. I think you are doing an awesome job. Just sayin’.
janet forrest recently posted…Um, SWINGING? Maybe Not So Much
Thank you, friend. I appreciate that.
Very well written post, it is so hard. We are a wealth of patience but again, everyone has their limits, and like you said that is often enough to make them see we are serious. Recoup this week and just think, school starts soon! It will be an adjustment, but then the routine will be good for all! xoxo-
Yay for school starting! I’m loving the structure it promises already. 🙂
Oh my, friend! Sorry it’s been a tough time. I think we’ve all been through those moments as parents. (I was just thinking yesterday, as school starts soon, that my kids’ school anxiety makes the last two weeks of summer UNBEARABLE).
Two thoughts: 1. Don’t be too tough on yourself for losing it. In my experience, provided the times I lose it are rare (and warranted), my losing it usually conveys to my kids that enough is enough and sometimes even brings a shift in their behavior, if just for a short time. 2. Your mom’s comment was hysterical. Maybe daughter IS reading the books!!! Hang in there. Xoxo
Totally… “unbearable” is the perfect word to describe it. Little H tells me she is not going to kindergarten. So I’m not quite sure what she’ll be doing between 7:30 and 3, but she won’t be home, that’s for sure.