As a follow-up to last week’s Lighten Up post about decluttering, I want to report that I’ve already had some major successes. First of all, thank you all for your comments. Many of us are on the same path, which is nice.
I’m in the middle of two awesome books about this that have really got me thinking. One, Clutterfree with Kids: Change your thinking. Discover new habits. Free your home
Both of these books ask us to change our way of thinking. By identifying our main values, we can prioritize those and let the rest (possessions we do not need, activities we don’t like, paperwork that isn’t relevant) fall away. Look at your living room bookshelves. Would someone be able to identify your main values if they came in and browsed around? Or is it a little bit of everything? By eliminating most of the “other,” you leave visible only what’s most important to you. You “spotlight” your treasures and values. This idea has hugely impacted how I see our space. What we lay eyes on every day should be our most important things. I will be bringing things of significant sentimental value out of their closets and into the forefront so we can truly appreciate them.
Also, I love the idea that POSSESSIONS = TIME SPENT. The more stuff you own, the more time you spend putting those things away, cleaning them, organizing them, etc. For sure this goes for toys, but that’s not where I started. I got rid of a lot of objects that we simply don’t need or particularly even like. Candlesticks, picture frames, tablecloths, random coffee table books collecting dust.
So…
I took Becker’s advice and plucked through my closet, donating a lot of clothes I haven’t worn in a few years. That means I finally tried on all those work suits and gave most of them away. No real use for them and pretty sure I will not be fitting back into that size this decade. I still had a full closet, so I went through it again. I asked myself, “If I were in a store right now, would I buy this?” Now there is space.
Things sitting around really bother me, and since I’m the one in the family who is home most of the time, I decided to give myself the gift of freedom from this. We instituted a nightly “clean sweep” before my daughter’s bedtime, where each object not in its place is returned to where it belongs. Dishes in the sink, toys on the shelves, clothes in the hamper, etc. I can’t tell you how lovely it is to walk around the house and not be visually bogged down with these things.
Another great idea: own ONE of something. Why do we have 4 sheet sets for our bed when I usually wash and put back on the same one every time (mainly because I am terrible at folding fitted sheets)? Some things we may need more than one of, but I love the idea of just one that we take really good care of. This concept gives me loads to do going forward.
Becker says more is not necessarily better, even though most of us live in a culture that encourages consumerism and comparing UP. He says, “Don’t just declutter; de-own.”
“The simple act of organizing our things into boxes, plastic bins, or extra closets does not turn back our desire to purchase more things… On the other hand, intentionally removing possessions from our home forces questions of passion, values, and what’s most important to us.”
Living this way values relationships, experiences, and intentionality. It slows down life and asks us to consider what is most important to us and what values we want to teach our children.
“Love, friendship, hope, integrity, trust, compassion. These are the things that bring substance, fulfillment, and lasting joy to our lives. And these are the attributes that bring lasting security to our children’s lives.”
I like to tackle it all at once, but another book I came across says it’s a process and it takes time. The book is How to Declutter Your Home for Simple Living – Decluttering Tips and Closet Organization Ideas for Creating Your Own Personal Oasis
“Many experts liken the decluttering process to going on a diet. The logic being that the home will be losing its clutter as opposed to weight, but the important thing to recognize is that the process will take time and cannot be sorted out overnight. Like dieting, the decluttering process involves making a plan and identifying and resolving bad habits, but also acknowledges that a little bit of clutter can be accepted.”
Even if you were to magically lose your excess weight overnight, this analogy points out that it’s an ongoing process of managing what you allow in and what stays out for good.
Becker again… “The true value of boundaries reaches far beyond our closets. It begins to spill into how we decorate our homes, the toys we buy for our children, the amount of clutter in our kitchens, and how we choose to spend our time, money, and energy.”
I want to spend time playing games together, volunteering in our community, seeing friends, doing artwork, reading books, talking with my daughter and husband, enjoying meals and other experiences together…not on straightening up toys and household clutter. Not running around doing errands. Not going from ballet to gymnastics to swimming.
“Living clutterfree is not just the removal of unnecessary physical possessions. It is also the intentional promotion of the things we value most. It is about deciding what is most important in your life and removing the things that distract you from it.”
I already feel much more content, and I’ve only just begun. I don’t feel the need to compare our home to other people’s. I feel grateful for what we have and more generous toward those who aren’t blessed with as much. I am protective of my new-found breathing room and cautious about what I allow into this space. I know this appreciation will carry over to my daughter and influence her values too. She has already seen that the time usually spent cleaning up can be spent in better ways.
How about you? Does your environment reflect YOUR most important values?
I so agree, Naomi. Live more by owning less.
Moving a few times has helped us live simply. Our pare down means there is more time and SPACE. I found that objects are imbued with meaning and it is not only the object that is present, but the emotional energy around it. Decluttering is, to put it in Turnbridge’s thinking, de-promoting, which supports focus and clarity. I love that.
This is well timed reading for me, as we are about to move back into our house after our renovation. We’ve been essentially living out of suitcases for four months so have lived without 95% of our belongings. I plan to move back in and unpack very slowly, giving a lot of thought to things we a) need and b) love, and getting rid of the other things we have just for the sake of having. This is my perfect opportunity to purge and I am beyond excited for it. Great post!
Tracey recently posted…Kindie, Four Weeks In
Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize you were undertaking such a large project! I hope you enjoy your new space!
Having been a devourer of de-cluttering books for decades now, I have a new perspective. What if our cultural obsessions with “stuff” — acquiring it, de-cluttering it, etc. — were just a cover-up for emotional experience that needs our healing attention? What if all the years I spent addressing clutter and de-cluttering routines were just a veneer over perfectionism?
Harmony Harrison recently posted…Courage! Coming Soon to a Blog Near You!
Yes, I totally think you are right. Getting rid of excess feels like an attempt to get to the root of who I am and focus more on my own values and emotions. Adding things and pressing the “buy now” button feels like an attempt for comfort, answers, objects of love… not necessarily the correct place to look for those things. And perfectionism… I know. However, it has been easier to straighten up our house with fewer objects, and I enjoy a mental exhale with less to look at.
Really like Linda’s comment. I think she’s on to something when she says that perhaps our arrival at getting others to tell us what to keep and what to give away did come about when we started relying on buying things rather than making them.
Now that both my children are away at college I am able to declutter without judgement from other team members. I’m slowly working through stuff. Not touching their rooms as it’s up to them to decide what to keep but in my own room and downstairs in the tv room. You raise a great point about having items on display that I like and want to see. Thanks for that nudge Naomi. I’ll focus on that.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Just Get In The Freakin Pool
Usually if I make something, I’m hesitant to toss it, but a generic “made in China” object I have no issue giving to Goodwill. Lol. If there’s emotion attached to it, it is much harder to let go. I actually have a much easier time decluttering someone else’s things and so I may need to ask an impartial person to help me with my own collections. Hmm.
The thing that fascinates me about all of the decluttering advice out there and the number of people talking about it is when did we get to a place as a culture that we need someone else to tell us what to keep and what to get rid of? I’m quite sure my grandmother or great-grandmother didn’t need this, and I know my mother didn’t. And, yes, they had a lot of stuff. Yet, they were quite okay with taking something out of a box, admiring it and putting it back. Curious, I think. Also, they, like my husband, loved it when they could say, “Oh, I think I may have something that would work for that.” Maybe when we started relying on buying things rather than making things?
Linda Watson recently posted…Blue Heron Gratitude, Complete
I know what you mean here, Linda. The culture of consumerism and mass marketed goods is rather insane. Having supplies and treasures tucked away is a good thing, I think. However, having my thimble collection from 20 years ago doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, so I will let that go to someone who may find value in it. I think it’s a personal decision, what is worth keeping in the attic or a box somewhere and what’s not worth the real estate.
I think my environment does reflect my values. Right now, sitting in a corner of our living room, which is set up as an office for me, and I can look out the windows in 3 directions, across the San Luis Valley to Blanca. It’s 60 miles away and looks crystal clear in the thin high altitude air. We selected our land for scenery, solitude, cool temperatures and good sun. We customized this floor plan and designed our solar basement to be as energy efficient as possible. Our house is heated and powered by the sun, something we value because it reduces our impact on the climate and atmosphere. It also has eliminated monthly utility bills, which makes me feel more financially secure.
Sounds heavenly!
The TV, computer, sofa and a family size box of Honey Nut Cheerios; that’s all I need.