While 1+1 does in fact equal 2, it turns out that 1+1+1+1+1+… adds up slowly to way too much. I am referring to my scheduling problem of saying “sure” to far too many people. Sure, I’ll teach that class this year. OK, I’ll lead the music for that service. You need help with the school book fair? Sign me up… for three shifts while you’re at it. I’d love to chaperone the kindergarten field trip! Yes, I’ll find a babysitter to be able to attend the membership committee meeting. I definitely will donate white blood cells. How honored I am that you want me to take photos of your event. Of course I will be the Girl Scout troop leader. Why wouldn’t I?
Unfortunately, since it’s just the way math works, you soon have to start subtracting in order to make the equation work. I’d love to meet you for coffee and catch up, but I just can’t find a break in my schedule between writing lesson plans, voting, paying bills, and spending 3 hours at the blood bank. I can’t be on that phone conference because my daughter needs her flu shot and I signed up for that tap class and I need to finish this costume I am making for her for the school’s Halloween book character parade. I want to see you and meet your new baby but I have yoga class and a dentist appointment and my blog and I’m volunteering in my daughter’s classroom. And subtract spouse time, subtract the Sunday morning phone call with best friend, subtract craft time.
You’re the director of what organization asking me to be on what committee? You think we should form a book club? You want me to host what???
I definitely want to do it all and do it right now. I seem to be unable to let some things go and tackle them at another period of my life. I want to improve people’s lives, donate to every cause, teach children responsibility and service and values, spread joy and love and peacefulness. I want to support my hardworking and traveling husband by being an anchor at home. I am an idealist looking to motivate and inspire others. I want to experience new things and truly make a difference. But…
I feel weighed down with tasks and obligations. I miss my friends. I miss my down time. I miss my art. I am really getting tired of my loooooonnng to-do lists. I’m tired. In my fervor to do it all, I realize I’m doing nobody any favors if I’m exhausted. I’m not sure why I feel the need to fill up my calendar and my life with all these things. Am I afraid of stillness? Do I need to justify not having a paying job? Am I trying to prove something?
I realize how blessed I truly am. My family is healthy, my daughter is quickly learning to read right before my eyes, and we don’t struggle to pay the bills. I simply need to slow down in order to appreciate it more.
And yet, after abstaining for months on purpose, I have signed up for 2 more e-courses. I truly don’t know if this is a problem that I need professional help with or if I simply love life.
If ever I don’t show up to any of the above-mentioned commitments, I’ve probably run off to a spa indefinitely.
Once again, Brave Girls have gotten it exactly right. I must not be the only one…
I am ramping back up to having too many things going on after a dry spell where my days were filled with one thing, job hunting.
SKJAM! recently posted…Book Review: 100 Wicked Little Witch Stories
I’m well familiar with taking on too much… don’t you wish you could stretch time, indefinitely? As for the e-courses, I don’t think they’re a problem until you start paying for classes instead of paying the mortgage and food. It’s fantastic that you don’t have to subtract them!
Tat recently posted…Just finished reading: From Unknown To Expert
Lol. I guess time and money are equally scarce sometimes. Thanks for writing!
Oh Naomi – I know how you struggle with this. If I were a fairy godmother I’d wave my wand and create a scheduler person for you who controlled your calendar and only put in delicious things that fit. And who could be the heavy and say no to what didn’t. I like the questions you’re exploring about possible resistance to stillness and wondering if you’re subconsciously trying to justify not having a paid job by actually putting in a billion plus hour week. Wishing you all the best, and hoping you find perfect balance and your rhythm with it all.
Deborah Weber recently posted…Dia de los Muertos 2014
Deborah, I feel the compassion coming from your words. Thank you so much. I’m getting there.
The two classes you signed up for sound like they fit so well with who you are. I bet you will enjoy them. I have been thinking about taking Iyanla’s class.
I am rooting for you to uncover what you need to help you with this struggle with committing to do so much.
Thanks, Patti. I bet Iyanla’s would be awesome too.
I don’t know if I struggle with my inability to slow down because someone else thinks I SHOULD, or I really WANT to and can’t. I’m beginning to wonder if the ability to slow down is even in my DNA. In other words, I have no answers for you sweet thing. I have my own unresolved issues! Some of us may just be built to go, go go, until we can’t any more, so we crash and burn, then pull ourselves out of the ashes and start all over again. And if that is the case, aren’t we better off going with it rather than beating our heads against a brick wall trying to defy our chemical make up?
janet forrest recently posted…EV Day #42 – Melk on the Danube
Excellent point, Janet! It’s just something to accept. 🙂
Great post. So much truth in here. I think we all struggle with this, and you are right, are we trying to justify our days? Something to think about. I have started to keep on morning a week empty and then I can do whatever I want/need to. It may be to blog, or clean the house, errands, or sit and read. For me, too much running really drains me…I help and I volunteer and I keep the house running…but it can’t be at the expense of us and our need for quiet. xoxo
Oh yes, I have one day a week as well… its today!!! I am sitting in a comfy chair by the screen door just looking and listening and relaxing with my coffee. Ahhhhh.