On to part 3 of our series! (See the posts about Perfection and People Pleasing.)
I think we should all let go of the pattern of thinking we need to be perfect, comparing our path to others, and judging ourselves. Aren’t we all exactly where we are supposed to be? What exactly are we afraid of?
Tanya Penny offers a free 3-part virtual workshop if you sign up for her mailing list. Her workshop includes a video lesson, an audio lesson, and a live virtual class, each with lots of great information about what these patters are, how and why they manifest in your life, and how to heal from them.
She teaches that perfection, people-pleasing, and pretending to be superwoman are sometimes all linked together. If you have one, there is a good chance you have 3. They are patterns that can be sneaky, and if we want to change them, we first need to identify and accept them.
The 3 P’s can make us sick, gain weight, cause anxiety/depression, AND hold us back from living the passionate, purposeful life we are here to live. I have struggled with all three of these qualities big time. I have had all of those serious consequences Tanya mentions. There were a few times in my 20s that I thought I dealt with them for good, but I see them creep back in each time I enter a new phase of life.
Tanya teaches that the 3 P’s MUST be released so you can have a healthy body, peaceful mind, and live the passionate, purposeful life you were born to live.
The 3Ps are driven by fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of loss of approval. Financial loss. We think we won’t survive the loss of love, approval, or money. We are afraid that if we disappoint someone, they won’t give us the love or attention that we need to survive and feel safe. Often we are carrying out what our parents modeled for us in childhood.
Our unconscious beliefs control our actions (or inactions) every day. They are conditioned in us as children or simply by our culture. How do we heal? First we reprogram those beliefs. Catch yourself in a damaging pattern and consciously shift.
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Pretending to Be Superwoman
As a SAHM, I believe I should be able to handle [list the 139 tasks involved in a typical day]. That’s the first problem.
I have learned to ask for support because that belief is flawed. I don’t want to spend all my time on these tasks to be considered worthwhile or to be loved by my family. If I don’t make time for my own interests, creative pursuits, friendships, and restful activities, I will burn out and be no good to anybody.
That birthday party that I wrote about in the People-Pleasing post? Exhausting. The garage cleaning that I mentioned in the Perfection post? Wiped me out for the next two days.
I had a job just out of grad school in “community relations” where I was responsible for reading several national and world newspapers a week, listening to people’s serious political concerns, organizing groups of people to travel to Washington DC to lobby certain interests, planning large meetings and events to educate or deliberate or make decisions on such important topics as public education, intergroup dialogue, violence in the Middle East, upcoming elections, etc.
I hoped to make a difference. I interacted with hundreds of community members and enjoyed that immensely. For four years, I felt I was doing something of value. And yet, being a small fish in a very large world ocean, I was continually swimming upstream. This was way before I knew what an intuitive or an empath was. Taking in such negativity and not knowing how to process it was eroding me. Toward the end of this job, I was busy planning our wedding. Family stuff happened. And then 9/11 happened. And then and then and then. I sort of shut down and went somewhere within. I couldn’t even think about doing the laundry. I was completely burnt out.
Overdoing. Overcommitting. Pushing far past your limits. I’m pretty sure Superwoman would know when enough’s enough.
Thankfully, most of what I spend time on today is self-chosen. I am much more comfortable disappointing others if I must for self-preservation.
How about you???
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Tanya is an international coach and leader, teaching and supporting women globally through 1:1 coaching, virtual programs, and live retreats. Learn more about Tanya and her work at www.tanyapenny.com. She will be leading program in November where she will dive deeper into these 3Ps and provide healing and support.
