“When we honor human experience by embracing imperfection, we see what unites us with other human beings.” ~ Kristin Neff
“No matter what they show on the outside, everyone has a story that will break your heart.” ~ Brene Brown
I wonder if self-compassion is an innate quality or something we learn. I have been observing my daughter once a week with her softball coach. She began 5 weeks ago knowing literally nothing about how to hold a bat, how to stand and swing for maximum power, how to catch a ball or even how to wear a glove. The fact that she is learning so quickly amazes me. After 5 sessions, I think she’s really good!
But ask her that…
When she misses hitting the ball, I can tell in her face that she’s disappointed. Her coach will say that’s ok, they are only working on her back foot, or only focusing on her right arm this time, and she perks up. She has so much positive reinforcement coming her way that she’s usually full of pep and smiles. She’s certainly not getting any criticism at home. Her coach tells her that mistakes help both of them learn. “Why do you think you didn’t hit that one? Look at your elbow… Look where your back foot is.” It’s helpful to make mistakes!
We compare ourselves to perfection or what we think we should be. Neff says we must remember that we are supposed to fail. That’s where the learning is. That’s what it means to be human. If we can give ourselves the compassion that we need, we will feel more connected to others and more forgiving of ourselves and others as well.
So let’s think how we can put this into practice, especially in those moments when we can be mindful and give ourselves some doses of self-compassion and kindness.
Up next: when things fall apart, why do we often find the path of greatest resistance? We can learn to suffer in a healthier way. We’ll talk about that on Thursday.
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I am making my way through an online Self-Compassion workshop co-facilitated by Drs. Kristin Neff (Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
