Concluding Self-compassion September

You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.

– Eckart Tolle –

Have you ever thought of yourself as a verb? A work-in-progress, an ever-evolving human being, continually being affected and changed by your choices and environment? We are in the flow of life, at the mercy of circumstance much of the time.  Why do we force control on our lives? What if we were to be in each moment (of the present tense) fully and wholeheartedly as it unfolds?

We have spent a few weeks together talking about self-compassion.  Have you been able to put anything into practice in your daily life?

This practice can change us in remarkable ways.  We will be able to choose how we respond to things.  We will bring self-compassion into our lives in all sorts of ways. We don’t need to ask ourselves “Am I good enough?” every day.  We can gently and lovingly reassure ourselves that of course we are.  We are human. We are accepted.  We are more than enough.

Everyone experiences pain, whether it be in their past, present or future.  Life is, by its very nature, some part joy, some part pain.  We are not perfect.  Self-compassion gives us the courage to fully experience it and then let it pass.  We can teach ourselves that happiness is not dependent on circumstance.  Happiness comes from embracing and loving ourselves just as we are, “knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are all essential to the full human experience.” (Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself)

“This means that hidden within every moment of anguish lies the potential for contentment. Pain can become the doorway to happiness, because feeling loved, cared for, and connected is what makes us truly happy.” Self-compassion entails desiring well-being and health for ourselves.  We can proactively better our situation, taking care of our body and mind, getting into a different situation, taking the steps necessary to give ourselves what we desire.

“We don’t need to be perfect to feel good about ourselves, and our lives don’t need to be any certain way for us to be content. Every one of us has the capacity for resilience, growth, and happiness, simply by relating to our ever-arising experience with both compassion and appreciation. And if you feel you can’t change, that it’s too hard, that the countervailing forces of our culture are too strong, then have compassion for that feeling and start from there. Each new moment presents an opportunity for a radically different way of being. We can embrace both the joy and the sorrow of being human, and by doing so we can transform our lives.”

The time will come

When, with elation,

You will greet yourself arriving

At your own door, in your own mirror,

And will smile at the other’s welcome

—DEREK WALCOTT, poet