Update

“Don’t count the days. Make the days count.”

~ Muhammad Ali

Please forgive me. It’s been months since my last confession post.

I have been doing it again…. avoiding this blog because I know that writing leads me to uncover what is just beneath the surface within me. For that same reason, I haven’t finished setting up my art space.

No judgement though… I will get there in time. For about a month now, I have finally felt settled and very calm and happy.  We’re going through our everyday routines. Since clearing the volunteer decks, I have time to myself (more than ever before really).  I haven’t wanted to do much of anything that would be at all emotional… not watching movies that are dramas, not reading tear-jerking novels, and not talking to anyone who wants to know much. Really I’m just skimming the surface of life and enjoying being up here just fine thank you very much!

A small newspaper here just put out a call for articles as we approach the one year anniversary of the flood. So I was thinking: many of you say that I am able to express things that they themselves were thinking but didn’t know how to say.  So I figure I should write something for this August publication. Maybe it would be helpful to someone.

But what angle would I take? Would it be one of gratitude for the blessings in our lives despite what we’ve lost? Seems overdone, honestly. Should it be a comparison of how our life a year ago and our life today are so totally different, from the mattresses we sleep on, to the school we drive to, to the cars we drive? Should I point out the hassles of building and not living where you want to be? I could talk about the constancy of change or how stressful it can be not to accept it.  Or maybe the continued upheaval around us and the fragile state of everybody’s emotions. How about writing about how I gloss over the losses that I keep uncovering? Or should I talk about simplifying life down to the very things that matter the most: home, family, a sense of place and community?

Truth is, I feel all those things and more and I don’t know where to even begin. That’s probably why I have been avoiding this space for several months now. I figured you all understood that time is elastic and that I would be back eventually.

Let’s talk about time. I seriously don’t know how it got to be the middle of April but already there are only six weeks of school left and the summer is pretty much mapped out and then, before we realize, it will be Fall with all its projects and to do’s.  It seems like there’s one milestone or big event after another and I am jumping from one to the other and only just managing to get a few things done in between. I feel like I just had a birthday, but amazingly (and gratefully) I am soon about to have another. It’s only when I remember that my last one was in our old house that I realize a year has come and gone. (Also, I got that amazing camera that has sat in its box all this time. Must do something about that!)

Even having simplified my every day life, I still don’t want to add anything back in and I feel like my time is precious and limited. I now spend at least an hour walking every morning and another planning and cooking healthy meals. And there are the appointments with our builder and an endless number of design decisions to research and make. My days are just different, that’s all, but I like the space between meetings and the quiet simplicity of my weekdays.

I’m in love with my hubby and we are soon to escape for a few days of romance and relaxation. I’m greatly enjoying our sweet 9-year-old. She changes every single day and I  marvel at her ideas, her interests, and her amazing memory. She can be emotional and blasé all in the span of five minutes. She cares about friendships and is suddenly noticing boys in the cutest, most innocent way. I know this period of her life is going to pass all too quickly and so I’m trying to lap it up gratefully. Every moment, even the frustrating ones.

Well, that’s a snapshot of what I’ve been up to.  I’m writing a “new house” update for you as well as a “healthy lifestyle” update. I (strangely) haven’t been reading much, but I’ll update you on books too. Thank you for sticking with me! Love to all of you. Mwah!