Tomorrow morning we will pick up Sweet Girl after her 3 weeks at camp. I’ve been thinking about what’s been absent from our home life while she’s been away.
- Schedule. Raising kids definitely brings about a schedule and routine of meals, activity, and sleep. With her gone, there’s been no set wakeup time, no need to cook much, no limit on anything. There were days I didn’t even leave the house! It’s nice to have a break but I’m happy to get back into our routine.
- Balanced living. This goes along with the schedule/routine. Because I’m sort of an “all-in” or “forget it” person, I stopped my daily nutrition and exercise focus. No weigh-ins or logging each morning, no daily walk, not much water consumption, no counting calories, no grocery shopping. This is ok for little breaks but I’m happy to get back into my healthy frame of mind.
- Energy. SG is FUN! She has a very quick wit and is always making us laugh with things she’ll say or do. Her expressions and sarcasm are spot-on and hilarious. Having someone around who is full of life is a great way to keep your spirits up. I needed a break from this, but I’m looking forward to having her energy back in our house. Mr. B has said that it definitely feels like someone is missing around here.
- Television. I haven’t watched it much while she’s been away, which is leading me to develop a limit on screen time for her going forward. This is the perfect time to implement it since she’s been away from YouTube for 3 whole weeks (and survived too!).
- Household tasks. I guess once you stop cooking and cleaning, it all falls away. I’ve loved it, but alas, it can’t last.
- Talk. I try to find a lesson or some value in everything and chat about it with SG. We discuss what someone could have done differently, gratitude for daily gifts like nature, food, little conveniences. Not talking to anyone all day was welcome, honestly, but I like knowing that I am shaping someone’s outlook toward the sunnier side of things. I most definitely have a child who does not know sitting silently!
- Personal space. She is very loving and cuddly. Having had a break from her, I am looking forward to our connection again and the reassurance it gives her. Also, when she is with me, she is always following me and watching me. She will even pick up on my irritation and apologize to me, forcing me to tell her that she has not done anything wrong and to realize that I need to slow my roll. It’s hard to narrate every decision for her and explain how things work, but I hope to think of it as a privilege, not a burden. I have to say that it’s odd to drive through a bank cash machine and not give someone a mini lesson on budgeting, expenses, or saving!
- Constant stimulation. As much as we try to foster friendships and her independence, we are just about everything to this girl. When I’m “parenting,” I am always looking for ideas for activities, things she could be learning, opportunities to help people, values and lessons to demonstrate… more about shaping a little life. It was great to bring my alertness way down. I had time for ME!
I absolutely enjoyed this 3-week break and I needed it way before now (being a mom for 10 years). Additionally, this time gave me a shift in perspective that I’m grateful for. I now have had ample time to appreciate the individuality and uniqueness of our daughter.
One of my summer projects is to catch up on annual family photo books. I was able to weed through the thousands of pictures that I had organized into monthly and then annual folders on an external hard drive, organize them into three Blurb books (so far), and get them ordered.
As I looked through all these moments in time that feel like “just yesterday,” I realized that I don’t remember the messes I had to clean up or the tantrums she had when she didn’t get her way. I don’t really call to mind my exhaustion and the constant busy-ness either… rushing to clean up the legos because we were late to music class. I only notice how precious the time was, which is what triggered my need to take pictures in the first place.
I know that it was my exhaustion in the early days of mommy-ness that led me to begin taking so many pictures. I remember thinking something like, “This is something I will want to fully experience and appreciate, but I just can’t summon the mental reserves at the moment. I’ll capture this and come back to it later.” Days just continued to unfurl that way and years went by. Looking at all the photos, I see now how absorbed SG would get in an art project or in play of any sort. I was concerned about the logistics, but she was fully in the moment. I’m determined not to rush her through those times anymore. Within reason, if she’s in flow with something, I am going to let her be as much as I can.
I am grateful to be a parent, but also for the privilege of being this particular child’s mother. Her unique blend of spirit and kindness brings us so much joy. So one intention going forward: look for the good.
When I feel sure that SG’s headed toward a future as an overweight, lying, shoplifting, shallow juvenile delinquent who sits around lazily all day eating skittles and watching mindless tv, I will remember that my perspective is everything. I know I have done the best job I could possibly do as a parent and that she is going to be a good, productive member of society some day. Everything in moderation, right? Let go. I’m doing so much and I must remember to chill out.
Another intention: continue the “me time” activities. Self-care is so important. Organizing the household paperwork makes me feel good (or at least prevents me feeling bad when I can’t find things). Keeping my closet orderly. Having a quiet cup of tea and reading a magazine. Making time for massage appointments, haircuts, and bookstore browsing. It all helps me be a happier and more content person, which in turn helps everyone.
Along these lines, it’s occurred to me that I am doing tasks that SG should be doing herself. She has taken care of quite a bit on her own while she’s been at camp. So I will delegate certain tasks to her. She can help with laundry and putting away her clothes. She can make her school lunches. She can manage her summer reading logs, due dates, etc. I will help her develop a system that works for her and then reinforce the positive. Maybe someday she’ll stop waking me up at 6am every. single. day.
We all need regular breaks when we can reconnect with ourselves and our partners. I am going to begin my days (as much as I can) with the peace I am seeking, rather than plow through tasks and obligations before allowing myself time with a book or a journal. We all know how that turns out. I intend to be mindful of my energy levels and self-soothe when needed. I have a post already written about simplifying all my projects, but sometimes (most times?) it’s just not possible. However, I can definitely give myself 5-10 minutes every day to begin with some calm.
Finally, I am going to enjoy my daughter. If we aren’t careful, another 9 years will go by in a blink and SG will be in college. For the next couple of years at least, SG is a sponge, willing to listen to our ideas and go along with our decisions. I’ve decided to enjoy the snuggles, conversations, and imaginative play while we have it around us. Seeing any inconveniences as temporary will give me the perspective I need to be mindful of what a gift I have right now.
Hopefully, SG’s time away will help grow her self-esteem and self-confidence and she will want more of these experiences. I respect her so very much for wanting to go despite her fear and I’m eagerly anticipating our reunion. 🙂
