There’s something about getting Facebook birthday wishes that surprises me every year. First, I have to say that I really like knowing when people’s birthdays are and how old they are too, if they choose to share that. It levels the playing field, like all of us are here on the planet together, growing older with each day, and we each have the opportunity to recognize and celebrate each other.
For the past few years now, I have been so touched by the sheer number of people who took a moment to write something on my timeline. This year it was almost 200 when I count all the different posts, private messages, and texts! That made such a difference to me that I decided to without question try to do that for others. Instead of thinking, “they probably have so many friends that they don’t need my small wish,” I thought of each of my friends, some of whom I haven’t spoken to in 20 years, and how special it felt to be remembered by them. It’s like saying, “you matter… you are important to me and you made a difference in my life. I am better for having known you.” I succeeded in some cases and didn’t when I was too busy to open the FB app. And now, I am determined to do it again going forward. (BTW, writing anything other than the typical Happy Birthday makes a huge difference too… even just adding their name.)
Of course, with every new experience, we are meeting more “potential new friends” and gaining opportunities to learn and grow. I’ll probably always treasure my elementary through high school friends because of the formative experiences we all shared. College and youth group and summer camp… all very special relationships. These days, I’m continually surprised by the sheer number of years it has been since I’ve spent time with these friends, and I marvel at how strong the connection forged between us is because I still today care for them and treasure my memories of us together. Each is the only other person on the planet who has the same ones!
And of course, we filter our past through the lens of our present. Being a mother, wife, artist, storm victim, friend, and whatever other roles I play these days has added to my appreciation for a gentle touch, taking things in stride, and attempting to learn something from each new person and experience.
Here’s what I’ve learned thus far, at 43:
- I’m learning to trust in the natural unfolding of life and adapt as I go. It’s something I have to actively recall in the moment, but when I do, I feel relief.
- I’m developing an ability to retort comic one-liners that make people laugh.
- I need to be better at reaching out to people important to me. Relationships are the substance of our days and what matter most.
- It is important to put down my phone so I can look people in the eye.
- Playing music and listening to podcasts makes me happy.
- I like inhabiting my body and feeling the movement of my muscles as I walk each morning.
- I seem to be more accepting of my introspective introvert self.
- Smiling at people makes a difference.
- I’m making a difference even if I don’t get external confirmation of it.
- It matters less and less what other people think of my physical appearance. They are probably preoccupied with their own anyway.
- There is very little point in giving other people space and time in my mind. I have spent countless hours ruminating about people who have made terrible life choices, feeling anger at them, and then wondering why I feel so intensely about it, and what has that gotten me?
- Giving myself permission to do fewer things in a day (and in general) makes me and everyone around me happier.
- Simplify whenever possible. Have the groceries delivered; accept offers of help.
- Allow small indulgences like a square of chocolate, a bubble bath, or a chick lit quick read (or all 3!).
- Give people the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best of them. (VERY difficult.)
- Focus on the positive. There’s a huge difference in seeing emerging thigh muscles than the hip jiggles that are still there.
- Let others help (also very difficult).
- Acknowledge and let people love you because it makes all parties feel good.
- Remember not to treat those you’re closest to with the least amount of patience.
- See the unseen. Follow the cat’s gaze out the window.
- The ability to feel the energy of a room or a person is a special gift.
- Healthy habits are very powerful and influence every aspect of life. Walking every morning and eating a healthy diet has given me more energy, confidence, and personal power, improves my memory, decreases stress, and keeps everything positive. Plus the benefit of carrying around less weight. Those who are a burden on others usually are because they aren’t living this way.
- The dark times of our lives are just as important as the brighter ones. We grow in strength as we breathe through our difficulties and sadness.
- Also, sometimes there is just no other way to get to something without first having to travel through the muck.
- There is a center within ourselves that is completely at peace. It’s hard to connect with sometimes, but even remembering that it’s there can be helpful.
- Our life purpose is not some elusive thing we need a pilgrimage to find. Usually it’s right in front of us every single day.
- There is little point in doing so much that we exhaust ourselves. Learning how to protect our energy can be transformational.
- You are not your feelings. Those are temporary. However, when you are feeling upset or frustrated, self-empathy is needed.
- Babies and children are impermanent. You blink and they are graduating from high school or having kids of their own. It all passes so quickly.
- Manage your expectations. How we think things “should be” causes stress when the outcome is different. Consciously monitor and clarify.
- No matter your circumstance, you can change how you talk to yourself about it.
- Accept who you are already!
- Happiness is a choice.
- Recognize what makes you happy and add more of that into your life.
- Sometimes the best thing for us in the long run is not very fun in the short run. Think health and fitness.
- Large, impossible goals seem insurmountable. Think: what’s the next action step? Little by little you will be moving in the right direction. Movement is the key.
- Being truly seen can make all the difference. A few months ago, someone I don’t know that well sent me an email that said, “I see in you a mom who is a warrior and an advocate for not only her own children but for the children who come into her sphere of influence. I see how much you give of yourself. I respect how hard you work to make a difference in your community. I appreciate you. And, I know that sometimes a mom needs to hear another mom say, “You’re more than enough.” I never doubt that you are someone who will do what you can, where you are, using whatever provisions you have available to you. If I can see all of that from way over here on the edges of your life, then I know that your children are seeing it every day. Even if it will take the lens of adulthood to make them understand what they are seeing. Hang in there.” OMG I still read that at least once a week!
- It helps to tell yourself, “It’s ok how it is. It’s all going to turn out just right.”
- Figure out what you value most so that you can filter new opportunities through that. Maybe it’s wonderful but if it doesn’t align with your values, you can skip it.
- Change is the only constant. Suffering = wanting what was.
- PMS is not my friend, but biding my time patiently until it’s over is.
- Most things are usually not as hard as they first seem. What’s the one thing you can do next to move forward?
- It’s ok to ask for what you need, even if what you most need is time alone.
