July book report

The Only Woman in the Room: A Novel by Marie Benedict

I will read anything Benedict writes because I loved her first two books. A young actress marries an Austrian arms dealer, escapes Europe and her awful marriage, and invents a device for the navy’s torpedos but that leads to our modern cell phone instead. The only flaw I found is that the pace feels off. The story lagged a few times and I even thought Benedict went back to the same material too many times in giving examples of Hedy’s married life. This novel is meant to be primarily about it’s main character, not a WWII book, so I thought there were a few too many touches on unnecessary detail.

“I knew that Jamesie was only one of the many victims of the Third Reich that I was compelled to save. I knew that when I escaped Austria without sharing my suspicions — or bringing anyone with me — that I became obliged to save many, many more.”

“Perhaps if Hedy’s society had viewed her not simply as a blindingly beautiful creature, but as a human being with a sharp mind capable of significant contributions, they might have learned that her interior life was more interesting and fruitful than her exterior.” (from Author’s Note)

Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything Paperback by Anne Bogel

I love Anne Bogel and follow her blog Modern Mrs Darcy. I enjoy her podcast What Should I Read Next? too, where she interviews readers and talks all things books. I also brought her last book, I’d Rather Be Reading, to the apartment to read this summer. Here, Bogel takes the jumble of personality quizzes out there and condenses them down to something that makes sense. Read my more extensive review here.

Rivers of Light: The Life of Claire Myers Owens by Miriam Kalman Friedman

“For Clairene, writing was nourishment — vitally important to her psychological, physical, and spiritual well-being.”

This is a first-rate scholarly biography of a remarkable woman who was ahead of her time. Miriam Friedman is a dear friend and I have been looking forward to reading this culmination of a lifetime of her research that goes back decades to her dissertation days. I waited a few months after the book’s publication in March because I wanted to be able to give it focused attention and I’m so glad I did! I read it intently with a pencil in hand, underlining and marking key passages that resounded within me like I could have experienced them myself. This is no beach read, but is a creatively told narrative of a fascinating woman who wanted independence and meaning as well as security and love.

From her early days, Claire was not going to accept a conventional life for a woman in early-20th century America. She became a feminist through her education and tried to make sense of her experiences through writing. It is this writing career as well as her personal search for spirituality that she uses throughout her life journey to filter external societal expectations for her own inner understanding and rebellion. Everything Claire Myers Owens wrote seemed to be autobiographical and transformed her seemingly ordinary life into quite the adventure.

Some overarching themes of this biography: Claire’s need to preserve her sense of self, her intellectual and creative growth, her search for a design for her life in a spiritual sense, the societal division between the intellectual and the (undervalued) feminine, her innate sense of self-preservation, “the community of the mind and spirit she shared” with people, her capacity for self-insight, and her refusal to conform to be “an ideal Southern woman.”

Miriam writes in her Introduction, “my journey parallels my subject’s journey; the themes of our lives intersect.” If I may be so bold as to insert myself into this pairing, there are many similarities we share. All three of us worship knowledge and literature, seek opportunities for self-discovery, left “home” in search of wider vistas, have something of a “divided self” at times, have intense psychological reactions to world events, and have a strong need to know ourselves. There have also been times in our lives that we have had to reinvent ourselves and find new direction and meaning. However, I have not (yet) worked in a book store and I don’t know if Miriam has, but Claire sure makes the interactions with the customers and inventory sound heavenly. I have not (yet) published a book, but those are the few differences I’ve come up with. I hope I have years ahead to catch up to Claire and Miriam. (!)

“If the search for certitude, female equality, and creative expression motivated the utopian quest of Claire’s youth, the search for intrinsic goodness, self-realization, and enlightenment informed Claire’s quest for utopia during her later years.”

The latter third of the book describes Owens’s journey within, exploring the connections between spirituality and psychology, the “meaning of becoming and being.” Owens had an Awakening, “a mystical moment of higher consciousness,” that changed everything for her. She began exploring and came to know many experts (and be recognized as one herself) in psychology, science, philosophy, and religion. I read this part eagerly because it was so engaging and I already cared deeply for Claire as a person.

Though this is a work of scholarly research (the Notes, Bibliography, and Index take up 76 pages for goodness sake!), I devoured it as if to find out what happens to Claire in her marriages, writing career, and what this “Awakening” Miriam refers to was and if she ends up “living happily ever after” (she does). There are also several works in the Bibliography that I’m interested in reading.

“For Claire, wholeness became a matter of balancing the sensual with the intellectual, the nymph with the lady, to discover the woman.”

I definitely enjoyed this book and am a better person for knowing Miriam and some of Claire’s story. I think learning more about Claire has helped me know my friend and myself even better.

Words and Worlds: From Autobiography to Zippers by Alison Lurie

Lurie, who won the Pulitzer Prize for her novel Foreign Affairs, is an English professor Cornell University. Here she collects reflections on being a writer, feminism (her essay on women at Radcliffe in the 1940s is especially eye-opening), and fashion. Her love of words comes through it all.

I particularly loved her reflections of people, especially her words on Barbara Epstein, founding co-editor of The New York Review of Books, and Ted Gorey, of whom she writes, “We began talking and discovered we liked the same books; the only difference was that Ted had already read almost all my favorites, and I hadn’t heard of many of his.“

“Our professors were larger-than-life, even heroic figures, who provided not only interpretations of books and events, but dramatic examples of different worldviews and intellectual styles. From among them we and our Harvard contemporaries formed our own views and styles. Clumsily but eagerly we adopted the opinions and imitated the manners of our favorite lecturers.”

Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy by Jamie Martin

This just came out in May and I’d been looking forward to it. I love how she tied in her favorite introverted writers (Louisa May Alcott, L.M. Montgomery, Jane Austen, Laura Ingalls Wilder) with quotations and facts about them. I also love how honestly she shares about her own family and what works for her. Finally, her positive spin that we are exactly who we are meant to be and we have a lot to give to our families is encouraging and validating.

“Understanding our introversion… doesn’t mean we attempt to avoid challenges, but that we recognize challenges ahead of time and come up with a plan for how to handle them.”

What I didn’t like was the Christian liturgy and perspective, especially since the book and descriptions of the book don’t mention that. I understand that when that is a key piece of how you think of live, it’s hard to separate it from everything else. However, there are so many practical tips and ideas in the book that I can overlook it for the most part.

Coincidentally, Martin and I are the same Myers-Briggs type!

“One of the rarest types, the INFJ is often considered “The Advocate,” someone “quiet and mystical, yet a very inspiring and tireless idealist.” Creative introverts who follow through with plans and ideas, we also tend to be sensitive, extremely private, and perfectionistic—qualities that lead to burnout when we’re not careful.”

Even more synchronous was that she and Anne Bogel (see above) know each other!

“So what exactly is a highly sensitive mama to do? Anne Bogel, blogger at Modern Mrs. Darcy and author of the personality book Reading People, wrote a post on my blog years ago titled, “Self-Care for the Highly Sensitive Parent.” She states that whereas “interacting with people drains introverts; sensory input—sights, smells, sounds, emotional stimulation—drains highly sensitive people.” Her suggestions include trying to begin your morning calmly, embracing routine to cut down on decision making, building quiet into your daily rhythm, controlling clutter to lessen visual overwhelm, and saving extra stimulation like social media until after your workday ends.7 These tips gave me a much-needed lifeline to cling to when I first became aware of this trait in my life.”

“You are so much more than your personality. Introversion, high sensitivity, or any other attribute you identify with isn’t some box in which to trap yourself, with a label slapped to the side reading, “Beware: Introvert” or “Fragile: Highly Sensitive Contents.” These terms do not define us or give us identity. These words are merely tools. Through understanding them, we become more fully alive and more fully ourselves than ever before, knowing when to step out and when to retreat, when to open up and when to turn inward.”

I Miss You When I Blink: Essays by Mary Laura Philpott

Philpott is the creator of the online literary magazine Musing (from Nashville’s Parnassus Books). Here’s a link to an interview with her there. As Ann Patchett says in the interview, this is “a deeply felt book of essays about being an A+ perfectionist trying to grab hold of her life.” I love how similar we are and so I gained some perspective on “our” anxiety over time and raising little humans, about trying to be perfect, about needing to feel productive, and how to have a sense of humor about it all.

“I hear people talk about how fun it is to ‘do nothing’ when they’re off work, and I think, ‘I want to do nothing, too.’ ‘Nothing” sounds wonderful. So I study how to be unstudied. I watch how laid-back people act and try to mimic it. I toss my purse on the floor and fling my arm breezily over the side of a chair, like I’m so relaxed I don’t even care where my limbs or belongings land. Sometimes I can almost convince myself I feel it.”

My only criticism is the cover art. This is a serious book of essays, but I don’t think the cover conveys that at all.

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo

I don’t know what to say about this book. While I certainly agree that gender dynamics need to change and that women often alter their behavior and suppress their desire in order to find acceptance, I was uncomfortable with this book.

Women should be able to tell their painful stories and others should read them and feel empowered in their individuality. No one should be judged the way Lina, Sloane, and Maggie have been judged, and yet, when reading the book, it felt to me that I was reading fiction. That is probably a compliment to the author that her writing was engaging. Not only fiction, but the type of book I wouldn’t pick up ordinarily. I think it was too pornographic for my taste.

I have been in a situation similar to Maggie’s, where I was young and people didn’t believe me that something awful happened. That need to defend your truth, and that people think truth is relative, is disturbing. Perhaps that is why I didn’t love this book.

I’m in a very solid and loving marriage and have no curiosity about other sexual lifestyles, so maybe it just wasn’t for me. Mom, if you see this: DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!