Permission to loosen up

One day last week, I gave myself a 6-hour vacation.  It wasn’t anything special. After I took my daughter to school, I climbed back into bed and read a few chapters of a book and even let myself take a nap. I ate lunch at the dining room table, looking outside and enjoying the warm food. I sat on the couch and looked through a magazine. See? Nothing special.

But…

for someone who has been overdoing/overthinking/over-scheduling/over-planning for months now, it was revolutionary.

I realize that I write this very same post just about every year at this time, but well, what can ya do?

School book fair: teacher lists, fliers, volunteer coordination, pre-orders, schedules, financials, publicity

Middle school search: tours, open houses, parent meetings, deadlines

Mussar facilitation: recruiting, learning, materials, organization, coordination, planning

Moving: packing, planning, utilities, organization

Building a house: ha ha – like I can list everything! so much to do!

(Loss of a cat: heartbreaking to see our other cat calling out and looking everywhere for her)

Trying to cram more things into a day than I have time for is tiring.  Adding “just one quick stop” here or “let me make a quick phone call” there definitely adds up, and trying to keep everything straight in my head takes lots of brain cells.  I’m quite accomplished at pushing myself to go, Go, GO – to keep adding more tasks until I’m depleted of energy. 

I have been thinking about the timing of all these things at once and wondering what the lesson is for me. I think it’s about loosening the reins of control.  Since there are so many moving parts to each one of these projects, often I simply cannot schedule things in advance.  Sometimes the class is going to happen at the same time that the storage unit is being delivered. And that is ok.

And so I seem to be letting things be whatever they will be.  So what if I have to buy the birthday party present on the way to the party?! So what if this isn’t the best book fair ever? So what if I’m late to a meeting? (OK, I can’t seem to do that one because it’s dishonoring of other people, but you get the idea.)

I aI am recognizing my potential franticness and tamping it down a little.  
I also realized that I’m spreading myself thin in order to be in so many places. Since all the projects have to be there, I am trying to be more present and very protective of my time.

I have accepted that for the next couple of weeks, lots of things are going to be in disarray. My strong need for organization will eventually overcome the chaos and all will fall into place.

I might even plan another 6-hour vacation afterward!