May… be this is getting old

How is it MAY??? I had been taking things fairly positively until one day last week, I had a mini meltdown because I felt overwhelmed by 10+ weeks at home with no end in sight.

I am disappointed too. I do not understand who the people are that would rage in protest or even harm people because they are told to wear a mask in a store. I don’t understand how all of a sudden we are declaring ourselves done with this virus and being less cautious even though the cases and deaths in Texas are going up. I certainly don’t understand the lies our prez tells or why people put up with him at all. He is inciting divisiveness and extreme reactions. I’m worried that there will not be school in the fall. I know that the summer is upon us, meaning I don’t like to go outside into the steam bath that is Houston, which limits our options.

There is a lot of pressure on me to come up with activities, keep things moving around here, plan fun games, have answers. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do. I can’t keep up with the clutter and cleaning and cooking, was tired of playing the same games, reading the same bedtime stories, and watching the same tv shows with Sweet Girl, and a little sick of hearing my dear husband’s voice all day long (he is on call after call for work, nonstop.) I felt hopeless that I would have some time to myself anytime soon. I was not motivated to do much of anything.

Well, on this particular day last week, SG saw that Mommy was very sad. I thought it might scare her so I kept my distance, but she came and comforted me and helped me figure out next steps. I was impressed that she not only did her schoolwork by herself, but she grabbed the cleaning products and asked me what I wanted her to do. I even took a nap while she played on her own and I felt so much better when I woke up.

So we’ve made some subtle changes, subscribed to a meal plan delivery service for 2 days a week, and started planning some virtual summer camps for that looming 12 weeks of nothing I have to fill.

• Stay grounded. I am trying to remember who I am, how much I have been through already, and that this will eventually end. Take it one day (or half a day) at a time.
• Keep imagining. Just as much as it’s important to block out news sometimes, it is helpful for me to be creative and hopeful. Sometimes I sit and breathe and just stare out the window and daydream. It helps.
• Keep a vision statement close. It reminds me often what is most important to me. It helps me keep the long-view in mind.
• Find joy and beauty in the moment. When I feel hopeless or restless, I go look closely at a flower or listen to a song I love. I admired these tree branches on my walk this morning.

• Focus on what I’m doing to help. I think that staying home is helping. We donated meals to healthcare workers one day. I’m making some artwork to inspire them. I’m still facilitating a Mussar group and we talk about coping.
• Find a different perspective. Remember that everyone is operating with their own sense of understanding of the world. To them, my beliefs are just as incomprehensible.
• Have faith. I’m trying to cultivate more of a trust in God that things are occurring and will come out as they should.

I don’t feel comfortable seeing other people, going into a store, or traveling. If I’m going to be at home and keep my family safe as best I know how, I’m going to make it the best it can be. Who’s up for another puzzle?

P.S. I tried, I really did. I need some WordPress help. I hope you’ll continue to leave comments because I do see them and love them!