Emerging from the cave

This week marks a new beginning of sorts. Sweet Girl went back to in-person school on Monday after being home for 14 months. She is not here asking for a snack, telling me about someone in her class, or needing help understanding convergent and divergent tectonic shifts. In 5 weeks, she will go to camp after having to miss last summer (all sorts of new protocols in place, don’t worry). And then, as far as we know, her 7^th grade year will be “normal.” I’m excited for her because she needs to be around people… socialization and lack thereof, etc. She says everyone has been so nice and she’s doing great. I am so excited to be able to focus uninterrupted on one thing for as long as I want!

As things seem to be opening up again, I want to document a few things. First I must commend myself and all parents out there. I’m deeply proud of my resilience and stamina, my patience and presence over this stretch of time. I think I’ve done a fabulous job making lemonade from lemons… and learning to like lemonade in the first place.

My biggest take-away from this time has been the awareness that I am resilient and that no matter what happens, things will be ok. Second runner up is that I have the freedom to shape my own perspective and attitude, fill my time with what most interests me, and let go of the rest. Also, of course, I deeply value the people closest to me.

In some ways, I find that I’m far more patient and understanding of others and their viewpoints. Especially with my daughter, I recognize that we are in a certain stage of her life that is transitory and I want to do all I can to maximize it.  On the other hand, I’ve realized much more that there is only a finite amount of time in a day or a life and I wish to spend it wisely. I have noticed that I’m impatient when I think I’m “wasting time” and the definition of that has altered a little. I have also been fortunate to be able to spend time studying topics I am interested in with people who are on the same wavelength, so that when I’m not doing this, I want to get back to it asap.

• My favorite aspect of quarantine has been the quality time I’ve spent with my family. I have valued having everyone home (though this is also going in the other category of things I didn’t like as much!). SG often asked me to check over her homework or complete a worksheet together with me, so I got to see what she’s learning, what concepts she has trouble grasping and then help her, and generally feel that I know who she is talking with each day and how she is spending her time. Just about every night at 6pm, the 3 of us sit down together for dinner. It’s been nice that Mr. B has not had to travel and is around for small conversations during the day. I also like that SG and I ate lunch together every day and then went for a quick walk around the neighborhood before her next class.

• Second fave has literally been that I don’t have to leave the house… at all.

• My days are peaceful and calm. There has been literally NO running around, list in hand, to get here or there.  All meetings and classes have been virtual. No volunteering in SG’s school, no going to the grocery store, not meeting anyone for coffee or lunch or a walk. First world, but no manicures or massages either. SG’s guitar lesson and Hebrew school and religious school have been 100% virtual. I got the Olive & June manicure starter kit and have been caring for my own nails fairly successfully. I know there is going to be an expectation soon that we socialize more, eventually start going to restaurants, etc. and that is good. For now, I’ve loved not even having to plan for these things. I can’t imagine that this will ever happen again, or at least not for 30-40 more years.

• I’m learning more than ever before, filling my mind with interesting things. I’m in a masters program and loving it. Every Wednesday, a new week’s material and assignments are posted, along with discussion forum questions. Every 8 weeks, a new class. I have learned more already after 3 courses than I ever thought I would and have been introduced to new ways of approaching historical events and so many more texts than I could tell you about.  I also study the weekly Torah parsha and the daily page of Talmud as part of Daf Yomi, am being challenged by my weekly Biblical Hebrew courses, and have been continuing my Mussar classes and facilitation. My calendar and my brain have been full with all of this and I love it.

• I have time for other things. I took up diamond painting when I saw an add for it on Facebook a year ago, and now I could probably be their spokesperson.  I love sitting in my art room with its good light and view of the front yard. I can wave at neighbors walking their dogs, see cars driving by, and watch the migrating birds that seem to be everywhere right now. I’ve been listening to class on Pirkei Avot, learning a chapter a day and taking notes. Or I enjoy listening to audio books, something new for me. I do intend to get back into collage and painting, but I’m happy for now with less messy things.

• I dress however comfy cozy I want to. I have been wearing soft pants or shorts and thick socks every day and feeling wonderful that I don’t have to dress a certain way or worry about if I’m “put together.” I’ve been trimming my own hair and so far, nobody has run the other way screaming, so it must look ok.

• Related to being home all the time are all the conveniences I’ve found because of this ease. I was already getting groceries delivered, but now I’ve done that exclusively. I never liked going shopping, so moving online or (shocker) not buying something has been great. I do not miss the anxiety I’d feel about every little social interaction…. The pressure to smile at others to lift their spirits, small conversation in the checkout lines at stores… gone.

• We also saved money on gas, since I think I’ve filled up my car one time in 14 months. So odd.

• We’ve spent time really living in our house. When we moved in, we enjoyed it but we seemed to be more out than in. So now we are sitting on our front porch swing, using our pool, cooking in the kitchen. These are also first world priviledges,  but at least we are taking a pause to appreciate these things and how fortunate we are to have them.

What has not been so great?

I think the shock came about 3 weeks into the pandemic, during that time when we had CNN on almost all the time and were constantly waiting for good news so we could return to normal. I had been doing jigsaw puzzles a lot then, and there was one afternoon when I realized that this may not be changing for a long, long time. (Still, I didn’t know we were talking 14 months… goodness, I would have really lost it if I’d known that!) I literally could not imagine how I was going to entertain SG and even just be with her all. the. time. In those days, we were watching tv shows, playing a lot of board games, doing a virtual art class together, tuning in to virtual tours of zoos around the country and other kid concerts and programs. (I had a schedule, of course.)

So generally, lots of togetherness is not my thing. As an introvert and an HSP, I really value personal space and quiet periods of time to reflect, ponder concepts, even daydream a little. I do need some human contact, but all the little interactions and small talk that make up a day annoy me. Not that I think I’m a genius or anything, but I often think conceptually and when someone asks me if we have milk, I’m dragged right down to tedium. SG going to school and Mr. B traveling a little for work will be a breath of fresh air for me. Have I even been in our house all by myself lately? I used to love that feeling.

Similar to this is the constant Zoom meetings. I find the medium amazing, but very frustrating at the same time. How many times do we have to say “you’re on mute” or hear background noises or conversations because someone has never heard of the mute button? The ½ second delay in the technology irks me just enough that it feels like work.  (However, I do love that I can miss a meeting and go back later to watch the recording!)

I’ve had trouble doing art because it needs long periods of time. Continual interruptions don’t work so well for me. I need to be able to get in the flow and just see where it leads. Because of this, I don’t feel very creative right now and I have missed getting excited about ideas for new projects or feeling really involved in what I’m working on.

We used to have a next door neighbor who was homebound because of his agoraphobia. Very occasionally, we’d see him sitting just outside his front door, but not too often. He had Meals on Wheels delivered, I believe. I don’t remember how he got other things accomplished.

I don’t want to be like that, no. However. I do love retreating into my home and doing my projects uninterrupted. I look forward to going to baseball games again and meeting friends for coffee, and I can hardly wait to travel, but I’m not planning to fill my calendar with optional errands. I probably won’t volunteer for big projects. If I’m doing something with my time, it darn well better be very valuable to me.

So I am very excited about these changes/realizations and still I’m looking forward to being with friends and family again.

Have you changed anything big because of the pandemic?