August books

Most of these books were quick and fun reads – 2 or 3 days max. However, August was a l o n g month for me and a couple of these dragged on with it. I felt I was still slogging through the same thing indefinitely. But… here I am on the other side of August and these books. 🙂 September is going to whiz by. I’d better start reading!

Pastrix: The Cranky Beautiful Faith of a Sinner & Saint by Nadia Bolz-Weber

“God does not initiate suffering; God transforms it.”

This book is awesome. Nadia is standup comic-turned-Lutheran pastor. She weaves hilarious rants and stunning theological insight into her personal narrative of a flawed, beautiful, and unlikely life of faith. She honestly chronicles her journey from dropping out of college, confronting her own addictions, and living in her car to becoming an ordained Lutheran pastor of an extremely liberal and different flock. I loved the stories behind her sermons. A quick and enjoyable read about finding purpose.

“It was important to me that the House for All Sinners and Saints be a place where no one had to check at the door their personalities or the parts of our stories that seemed ‘unchristian.’ I wanted a place where something other than how we responded to rules was at the center of our life together. Yet, in the end, despite how much I love HFASS, I am still not an idealist, not when it comes to our human projects. Every human community will disappoint us, regardless of how well-intentioned or inclusive. But I am totally idealistic about God’s redeeming work in my life and in the world.”

The Chelsea Girls: A Novel by Fiona Davis

I have loved Fiona Davis’ books and this one was a wonderful story as well. However, I this one disappointed me; it lacked in character development, did not have a dual timeline like her others, and seemed almost to be written by a different person! Still, her story through the lens of a first time playwright about friendship and betrayal in 1950s New York during the time that McCarthyism was affecting entertainment industry was compelling.

Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant

Adam Grant has been recognized as Wharton’s top rated teacher for five straight years, one of the world’s twenty-five most influential management thinkers, and one of Fast Company’s 100 most creative people in business. This book is named one of Sir Richard Branson’s 65 Books to Read in a Lifetime.

Can one individual make a difference? Adam Grant would shout YES! Grant is a social scientist who challenges conventional wisdom.

I can’t say enough good things about this book. Grant guides the reader through complicated ideas with stories and great examples. He says that “originals are actually far more ordinary than we realize; they simply question the status quo.” The book is about how (and when) successful originals champion their ideas, overcome fears, communicate effectively, overcome dissenters and grow support, and sustain originality. Grant uses recent studies to examine creative, moral, and organizational change at every level. I especially appreciated his “Actions for Impact” suggestions at the end of the book.

When we become curious about the dissatisfying defaults in our world, we begin to recognize that most of them have social origins: Rules and systems were created by people. And that awareness gives us the courage to contemplate how we can change them.

I want to include this paragraph because I’d never heard of ‘vuja de’ before and find it compelling:

The starting point is curiosity: pondering why the default exists in the first place. We’re driven to question defaults when we experience vuja de, the opposite of déjà vu. Déjà vu occurs when we encounter something new, but it feels as if we’ve seen it before. Vuja de is the reverse—we face something familiar, but we see it with a fresh perspective that enables us to gain new insights into old problems.

In the quest for happiness, many of us choose to enjoy the world as it is. Originals embrace the uphill battle, striving to make the world what it could be. By struggling to improve life and liberty, they may temporarily give up some pleasure, putting their own happiness on the back burner. In the long run, though, they have the chance to create a better world. And that—to borrow a turn of phrase from psychologist Brian Little—brings a different kind of satisfaction. Becoming original is not the easiest path in the pursuit of happiness, but it leaves us perfectly poised for the happiness of pursuit.

Waking Up White, and Finding Myself in the Story of Race by Debby Irving

I am that person who never understood why we learned about the Native Americans (and their maize, teepees, and feathered dress) “helping us” settle in America in elementary school when it came time for Thanksgiving. I don’t think I was ever told in school about how the white settlers brought diseases that wiped out much of the Native American populations, coerced them into signing over land and rights, tore families apart in order to “civilize” them, or exploited their resources. This same “narrative” continues as our country invades others all over the world in an effort to dominate. It makes me irate to be associated with this absurd behavior.

This book explains how whites unconsciously perpetuate patterns of racism in America. Irving bravely shares how she went from a distorted frame of reference and slowly became aware of the impacts of white privilege and systemic racism. What struck me most at the beginning was the phenomenon of white people, who care deeply about doing their right thing and loving their neighbors, keeping silent because they perceive that it’s not their place to interfere or so as not to appear stupid.

My main criticism: I was amazed that she began her path so far removed from any kind of racism awareness, even how it impacted the lives of her friends. While reading many of her anecdotes, I found myself frustrated that somebody could have that much to learn. Many times I felt embarrassed for her! She must have thought that readers would identify with her slow evolution from blind to culturally aware.

“If there’d been a handout on conversation principles, it might have said: Don’t discuss religion, politics, money, negative emotions, fears, resentments, vulnerabilities, or bodily functions. Do discuss weather, hopes and dreams (as long as they’re none of the above), travels, who you know, who’s doing what where, commuting routes and times, consumer products you’ve tried and do or do not like, where you go/went to school, sports, and music. Remember, it might have said: problems are private.”

Irving goes into the discrimination against others involving the history of the GI Bill, America’s lending and housing institutions, quotas in universities, and other ways racism has become systemic. Discrimination results from privilege and her main point is that, until we realize our role in the pattern, we will not be able to change.

“Not only is race visible and permanent; it’s come to act as a social proxy for one’s value in American society. White has long stood for normal and better, while black and brown have been considered different and inferior. Social value isn’t just a matter of feeling as if one belongs or doesn’t; it affects one’s access to housing, education, and jobs, the building blocks necessary to access the great American promise—class mobility.”

“Four hundred years since its inception, American racism is all twisted up in our cultural fabric. But there’s a loophole: people are not born racist. Racism is taught, and racism is learned. Understanding how and why our beliefs developed along racial lines holds the promise of healing, liberation, and the unleashing of America’s vast human potential.”

“Be it Europeans’ initial assumption of the right to invade in the 1600s, the Indian Removal Act in the 1800s, or the English-only acts in the 1900s, the white settlers established and the white government of the United States has enforced a model of dominance and assimilation that elevates those who can fit the prescribed mold while excluding and destabilizing those who can’t.”

Lab Girl by Hope Jahren

“As a female scientist I am still unusual, but in my heart I was never anything else.”

This is a beautiful memoir of a life in science in which Jahren naturally shares her friendships, her love of her work, and what her life as a botanist is like. I ate it up! There are so many cool facts about plant life tucked into compelling stories of hilariously disastrous road trips to conferences and research studies. Highly recommend for being scientific but accessible to anyone.

Science has taught me that everything is more complicated than we first assume, and that being able to derive happiness from discovery is a recipe for a beautiful life. ”

“Each beginning is the end of a waiting. We are each given exactly one chance to be. Each of us is both impossible and inevitable. Every replete tree was first a seed that waited.”

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

A charming book about an introverted bookstore clerk and trivia player who comes out of her shell… right up my ally!

“Nina worried she liked being alone too much; it was the only time she ever fully relaxed. People were . . . exhausting. They made her anxious. Leaving her apartment every morning was the turning over of a giant hourglass, the mental energy she’d stored up overnight eroding grain by grain. She refueled during the day by grabbing moments of solitude and sometimes felt her life was a long-distance swim between islands of silence. She enjoyed people—she really did—she just needed to take them in homeopathic doses; a little of the poison was the cure.”

How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki

“We’ll do anything to prevent our children from struggling or suffering, which means that they never have to deal with hardships or adversity. As a result, they lack independence and grit, and they’re fearful of the world around them instead of empowered to innovate and create.”

Wojcicki, “Woj” to her many friends and admirers, is famous for three things: teaching a high school class that has changed the lives of thousands of kids, inspiring Silicon Valley legends like Steve Jobs, and raising three daughters who have each become famously successful. Here she shares her tried-and-tested methods for giving our kids the values and skills to succeed as adults. Her focus is raising happy, healthy, successful children using Trust, Respect, Independence, Curiosity, and Kindness: TRICK.

“What a job, to raise someone from birth to adulthood, bestowing upon them your knowledge and your values and, despite your best intentions, any number of traits you’ve inherited yourself. What a loaded task, to make every move, every day, in such a way that the impressionable larva-person in your home will see your example, process it into something within herself, and grow layers of muscle and soul over it until she is a fully developed human being. And all the while, the little person you’re nurturing is fighting you — spitting out the broccoli, not wearing the helmet rolling her eyes at your carefully chosen words of advice — and you become constantly worn down even as you pour your energies into loving her.”

I especially appreciated the chapters on grit and independence. Woj lets the kids lead in many ways, respects who they are, and encourages them to take risks and be independent at a young age. Her personal stories and examples really hit home and add so much to her key points and I enjoyed getting to know her.

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Spiritual preparation

“When we realize that the process of transformation is situated at the center of our lives, then all the circumstances that we live with are revisioned as pathways for our growth.” ~ Alan Morinis, With Heart in Mind

Sunset in Dubrovnik, Croatia

Today is Rosh Chodesh Elul, the first day of a month of introspection before the Jewish New Year begins on Rosh Hashanah. It is meant to be a month of prayer, self-examination, and soul-searching so that we will be ready for our High Holy Days.

It has been two years so far on our journey of restoring our home and our sense of groundedness. So much of this path has contributed to my sense of what is important right now and what I allow to fall away from my daily dashboard. I have learned how to take better care of my emotional health, as well as to delegate, prioritize, and keep things in perspective. I can also see where I have room to improve.

I certainly am far from my ideal self. I have indulged in negative thoughts, insecurities, and worry, have not always gone out of my way to help when I could have, have not tended to important friendships and relationships, and have tunneled into my own inner world much of the time.

I have the best of intentions and am on a path of learning, growth, and integrity in order to become who I wish to be. I hope that as we wrap up our final months of building and moving, I will feel a shift or a lightening of the load I’ve felt on my shoulders these last 2 years. I hope to open up to new possibilities for learning, studying, relationships, health, hobbies, and so much more.

All beginnings have significance. On the first day of the year, Rosh Hashanah, “we plant the seeds of our inner life for the coming year.” (Planting & Building in Education: Raising a Jewish Child, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, p.16) Ten days later, on Yom Kippur, our Day of Atonement and the holiest day in the Jewish year, we search for ways to perfect our character and make commitments to move closer to our potential.

May we all do some soul-searching, regardless of religion, and recognize that it is we who must change in order for the wider world around us to change for the better.

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Camp Mom

As this summer’s “Camp Mom” winds to a close (T-… days!), I want to post my successes so I’ll have them on hand for next year. Maybe they will help some of you too.

This summer has flown past fairly quickly. Immediately after the school year ended, we went on a family trip and then Sweet Girl went to sleep away camp for 3 weeks. After that, we moved to the apartment and then she began a theater day camp. It was only after that that I needed to implement “Camp Mom” and figure out how to fill the endless days when it’s too hot and humid to do much outside.

Structure

First, we had a light structure in place for the day. If Sweet Girl woke up before 7:30, she could watch some videos in her bed until it was time to get up. Then we had a piece of paper with our daily agenda outline that we would complete together. Below is an example from a random day (only the categories were typed – we filled in the rest together).

I also gave her a list of ideas for House Help (vacuum, clean mirrors), Life Lessons (how a credit card works, how to make a bed), and things she could do for her Personal Time (science experiments, writing prompts, art projects).

Generally, I was ok with SG planning the order of activities as long as she did some form of each category before bedtime. After a few days though, I realized that we needed to move Reading Time to early in the day or it wouldn’t happen. There was negotiation on some of the other categories too, but for the most part, this worked great for us.

I’m just putting this here for next year…

Activities/Outings

One goal I had was to actually go somewhere each day, even if it’s just to the grocery store. SG is a homebody but I know I’d go crazy without the structure of a plan and someplace we had to go.

We went on some walks, had ice cream and snow cone dates, planned for friends to come over, and spent a lot of time at the apartment pool. I would have loved to add in some museums but I got a lot of pushback on that one. We went to the library once a week and I let her choose her own books. I utilized our library system for their activities that were easy to join and only lasted an hour – SG made an “ezine” one time and did some art another time. We also took a neat Amazon tour of a fulfillment center.

This summer, SG and I took on online class about making and editing “day in the life” videos. She absolutely loved it and didn’t even need to watch all the lessons. She was off and running once she had an editing app. I, on the other hand, needed all the help I could get on how it all worked! This was something fun we could do together.

Lessons Learned

It was only midway through Camp Mom that I asked SG what skills she wanted to learn and what goals she had for the rest of her summer. I should do that at the outset.

Limiting technology is useful! SG was allowed no more than 2 hours of time on her phone and not all in one sitting. If SG wanted to watch more videos and everything else had been accomplished already, I would ask her to read for the same number of minutes that she wanted to be on her device. If she wanted 20 more minutes, she’d first have to complete her regular reading, the house task, etc, then read for 20 minutes first.

I scheduled in a few hours each week for a babysitter to come over so I could have some time to myself. This was when I completed house-building tasks, got a manicure or massage, or did some reading/writing.

I was fairly firm on wake/sleep times when I could be. Until now, we woke by 7:30am and started our bedtime routine at 8pm so she’d be asleep around 9pm. Now we are moving those times earlier in preparation for her first day of school …

Travel is useful. Not only does it create amazing memories for us all, but it’s a great opportunity to sneak in some life lessons and to try new things. It breaks up the regular days too.

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Stairway plans: the “before”

One of the first structural changes I wanted to make was eliminating the left wall of the staircase above the handrail. I thought it would make both the stairwell and the hall next to it feel closed in. Even though that required some changes and a delay, it was worth it.

The cable railing will look like this and we’ll have rope lighting in the handrail, which will be stained grey to match our floors.

We’ll have storage underneath the stairs in 3 sections. First, a place to hang extra coats. Then, open space for bins of seasonal items. Finally, a little kitty hangout nook. All have push open door panels.

The right wall of the stairwell will be covered with this tile. It’s going to be stunning!

It took a few weeks to figure out the lighting fixtures for the whole house and how they all fit with one another, but that is finally done… except for the 3 stairway lights that I ordered on Etsy from a woodmaker in Florence.  (It sounds way fancier than it is.) They were not expensive at all.  However, they arrived in this huge wooden box that took a good 15 minutes to open with all the screws he sealed it with!

The inner piece is the same grey as the wall tile.

Two of the fixtures didn’t do so well in transit, so I had a date with some wood glue.

First dates often don’t go well, right? Yeah, this one didn’t either.

The maker was kind enough to send me a new outside piece in 2 parts so all I had to do was remove the electric components, glue them together with the correct glue this time, and let it cure for 24 hours.

I have one more to finish piecing together and then our stairwell pendants will be ready to join the rest of the lighting that’s just waiting to be installed once we’re ready.

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House update #16: exterior

The builder says it’s going to be a “mad dash to the finish.” We are hoping to move in in 5-6 weeks. I don’t know about that but I’m holding out hope. Now is when a lot of the fun decorative touches come and I’m excited about all that.

Apartment living since July 4

Carpentry took up all of June. Our water heater was installed. We re-did the stairs to make them look square/modern. Front and back porch ceilings put in. The breezeway was sheetrocked. The fireplace got tile.

And finally, the exterior work began.

Before and after stairs
Front porch ceiling
Sheetrock for breezeway
Mesh siding in prep for stone

The large tree in the front yard was removed because it was diseased.

Stucco prep
Planning the expansion joints
Prep for stone
Stucco texture sample – good to go!
Finished stucco with expansion joints
Stucco painted white
The grey is the selection for our “cast stone” division in one area at the front of the house
Facia will be Light Bronze
One of many backyard ideas
Master bath back wall tile finally in stock and installed

Moving on to the interior finishing now in August… it is AWFUL to go to the house because it’s so hot and humid. I have tried an ice vest and various personal fans to no avail.

All the interior walls have been finished and primed.

I hope to follow this post with news about paint progress – he is beginning this week but starting with the baseboards (= not very exciting). We are also getting our manufactured kitchen, living room, and master bath cabinets installed this week. That I am very excited about!

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July book report

The Only Woman in the Room: A Novel by Marie Benedict

I will read anything Benedict writes because I loved her first two books. A young actress marries an Austrian arms dealer, escapes Europe and her awful marriage, and invents a device for the navy’s torpedos but that leads to our modern cell phone instead. The only flaw I found is that the pace feels off. The story lagged a few times and I even thought Benedict went back to the same material too many times in giving examples of Hedy’s married life. This novel is meant to be primarily about it’s main character, not a WWII book, so I thought there were a few too many touches on unnecessary detail.

“I knew that Jamesie was only one of the many victims of the Third Reich that I was compelled to save. I knew that when I escaped Austria without sharing my suspicions — or bringing anyone with me — that I became obliged to save many, many more.”

“Perhaps if Hedy’s society had viewed her not simply as a blindingly beautiful creature, but as a human being with a sharp mind capable of significant contributions, they might have learned that her interior life was more interesting and fruitful than her exterior.” (from Author’s Note)

Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything Paperback by Anne Bogel

I love Anne Bogel and follow her blog Modern Mrs Darcy. I enjoy her podcast What Should I Read Next? too, where she interviews readers and talks all things books. I also brought her last book, I’d Rather Be Reading, to the apartment to read this summer. Here, Bogel takes the jumble of personality quizzes out there and condenses them down to something that makes sense. Read my more extensive review here.

Rivers of Light: The Life of Claire Myers Owens by Miriam Kalman Friedman

“For Clairene, writing was nourishment — vitally important to her psychological, physical, and spiritual well-being.”

This is a first-rate scholarly biography of a remarkable woman who was ahead of her time. Miriam Friedman is a dear friend and I have been looking forward to reading this culmination of a lifetime of her research that goes back decades to her dissertation days. I waited a few months after the book’s publication in March because I wanted to be able to give it focused attention and I’m so glad I did! I read it intently with a pencil in hand, underlining and marking key passages that resounded within me like I could have experienced them myself. This is no beach read, but is a creatively told narrative of a fascinating woman who wanted independence and meaning as well as security and love.

From her early days, Claire was not going to accept a conventional life for a woman in early-20th century America. She became a feminist through her education and tried to make sense of her experiences through writing. It is this writing career as well as her personal search for spirituality that she uses throughout her life journey to filter external societal expectations for her own inner understanding and rebellion. Everything Claire Myers Owens wrote seemed to be autobiographical and transformed her seemingly ordinary life into quite the adventure.

Some overarching themes of this biography: Claire’s need to preserve her sense of self, her intellectual and creative growth, her search for a design for her life in a spiritual sense, the societal division between the intellectual and the (undervalued) feminine, her innate sense of self-preservation, “the community of the mind and spirit she shared” with people, her capacity for self-insight, and her refusal to conform to be “an ideal Southern woman.”

Miriam writes in her Introduction, “my journey parallels my subject’s journey; the themes of our lives intersect.” If I may be so bold as to insert myself into this pairing, there are many similarities we share. All three of us worship knowledge and literature, seek opportunities for self-discovery, left “home” in search of wider vistas, have something of a “divided self” at times, have intense psychological reactions to world events, and have a strong need to know ourselves. There have also been times in our lives that we have had to reinvent ourselves and find new direction and meaning. However, I have not (yet) worked in a book store and I don’t know if Miriam has, but Claire sure makes the interactions with the customers and inventory sound heavenly. I have not (yet) published a book, but those are the few differences I’ve come up with. I hope I have years ahead to catch up to Claire and Miriam. (!)

“If the search for certitude, female equality, and creative expression motivated the utopian quest of Claire’s youth, the search for intrinsic goodness, self-realization, and enlightenment informed Claire’s quest for utopia during her later years.”

The latter third of the book describes Owens’s journey within, exploring the connections between spirituality and psychology, the “meaning of becoming and being.” Owens had an Awakening, “a mystical moment of higher consciousness,” that changed everything for her. She began exploring and came to know many experts (and be recognized as one herself) in psychology, science, philosophy, and religion. I read this part eagerly because it was so engaging and I already cared deeply for Claire as a person.

Though this is a work of scholarly research (the Notes, Bibliography, and Index take up 76 pages for goodness sake!), I devoured it as if to find out what happens to Claire in her marriages, writing career, and what this “Awakening” Miriam refers to was and if she ends up “living happily ever after” (she does). There are also several works in the Bibliography that I’m interested in reading.

“For Claire, wholeness became a matter of balancing the sensual with the intellectual, the nymph with the lady, to discover the woman.”

I definitely enjoyed this book and am a better person for knowing Miriam and some of Claire’s story. I think learning more about Claire has helped me know my friend and myself even better.

Words and Worlds: From Autobiography to Zippers by Alison Lurie

Lurie, who won the Pulitzer Prize for her novel Foreign Affairs, is an English professor Cornell University. Here she collects reflections on being a writer, feminism (her essay on women at Radcliffe in the 1940s is especially eye-opening), and fashion. Her love of words comes through it all.

I particularly loved her reflections of people, especially her words on Barbara Epstein, founding co-editor of The New York Review of Books, and Ted Gorey, of whom she writes, “We began talking and discovered we liked the same books; the only difference was that Ted had already read almost all my favorites, and I hadn’t heard of many of his.

“Our professors were larger-than-life, even heroic figures, who provided not only interpretations of books and events, but dramatic examples of different worldviews and intellectual styles. From among them we and our Harvard contemporaries formed our own views and styles. Clumsily but eagerly we adopted the opinions and imitated the manners of our favorite lecturers.”

Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy by Jamie Martin

This just came out in May and I’d been looking forward to it. I love how she tied in her favorite introverted writers (Louisa May Alcott, L.M. Montgomery, Jane Austen, Laura Ingalls Wilder) with quotations and facts about them. I also love how honestly she shares about her own family and what works for her. Finally, her positive spin that we are exactly who we are meant to be and we have a lot to give to our families is encouraging and validating.

Understanding our introversion… doesn’t mean we attempt to avoid challenges, but that we recognize challenges ahead of time and come up with a plan for how to handle them.”

What I didn’t like was the Christian liturgy and perspective, especially since the book and descriptions of the book don’t mention that. I understand that when that is a key piece of how you think of live, it’s hard to separate it from everything else. However, there are so many practical tips and ideas in the book that I can overlook it for the most part.

Coincidentally, Martin and I are the same Myers-Briggs type!

“One of the rarest types, the INFJ is often considered “The Advocate,” someone “quiet and mystical, yet a very inspiring and tireless idealist.” Creative introverts who follow through with plans and ideas, we also tend to be sensitive, extremely private, and perfectionistic—qualities that lead to burnout when we’re not careful.”

Even more synchronous was that she and Anne Bogel (see above) know each other!

“So what exactly is a highly sensitive mama to do? Anne Bogel, blogger at Modern Mrs. Darcy and author of the personality book Reading People, wrote a post on my blog years ago titled, “Self-Care for the Highly Sensitive Parent.” She states that whereas “interacting with people drains introverts; sensory input—sights, smells, sounds, emotional stimulation—drains highly sensitive people.” Her suggestions include trying to begin your morning calmly, embracing routine to cut down on decision making, building quiet into your daily rhythm, controlling clutter to lessen visual overwhelm, and saving extra stimulation like social media until after your workday ends.7 These tips gave me a much-needed lifeline to cling to when I first became aware of this trait in my life.”

“You are so much more than your personality. Introversion, high sensitivity, or any other attribute you identify with isn’t some box in which to trap yourself, with a label slapped to the side reading, “Beware: Introvert” or “Fragile: Highly Sensitive Contents.” These terms do not define us or give us identity. These words are merely tools. Through understanding them, we become more fully alive and more fully ourselves than ever before, knowing when to step out and when to retreat, when to open up and when to turn inward.”

I Miss You When I Blink: Essays by Mary Laura Philpott

Philpott is the creator of the online literary magazine Musing (from Nashville’s Parnassus Books). Here’s a link to an interview with her there. As Ann Patchett says in the interview, this is “a deeply felt book of essays about being an A+ perfectionist trying to grab hold of her life.” I love how similar we are and so I gained some perspective on “our” anxiety over time and raising little humans, about trying to be perfect, about needing to feel productive, and how to have a sense of humor about it all.

“I hear people talk about how fun it is to ‘do nothing’ when they’re off work, and I think, ‘I want to do nothing, too.’ ‘Nothing” sounds wonderful. So I study how to be unstudied. I watch how laid-back people act and try to mimic it. I toss my purse on the floor and fling my arm breezily over the side of a chair, like I’m so relaxed I don’t even care where my limbs or belongings land. Sometimes I can almost convince myself I feel it.”

My only criticism is the cover art. This is a serious book of essays, but I don’t think the cover conveys that at all.

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo

I don’t know what to say about this book. While I certainly agree that gender dynamics need to change and that women often alter their behavior and suppress their desire in order to find acceptance, I was uncomfortable with this book.

Women should be able to tell their painful stories and others should read them and feel empowered in their individuality. No one should be judged the way Lina, Sloane, and Maggie have been judged, and yet, when reading the book, it felt to me that I was reading fiction. That is probably a compliment to the author that her writing was engaging. Not only fiction, but the type of book I wouldn’t pick up ordinarily. I think it was too pornographic for my taste.

I have been in a situation similar to Maggie’s, where I was young and people didn’t believe me that something awful happened. That need to defend your truth, and that people think truth is relative, is disturbing. Perhaps that is why I didn’t love this book.

I’m in a very solid and loving marriage and have no curiosity about other sexual lifestyles, so maybe it just wasn’t for me. Mom, if you see this: DO NOT READ THIS BOOK!

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