The more I learn about myself and about other temperaments, the more amazed I am at the variety of differences in people and what each one is capable of. Knowing more about these different frameworks can help us capitalize on our strengths and better understand and communicate with others.

I just finished Anne Bogel’s book about personality rubrics, Reading People: How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything, where she explains some popular personality frameworks. My Kindle version is bookmarked and highlighted like crazy. I have pages of handwritten notes too. A common thread throughout her book is to use personality information to identify what you can and cannot change about yourself so you can understand yourself and better your interactions with others.

“My personality doesn’t prescribe my actions, but it does help me thoughtfully consider them in a way I couldn’t before. If my personality is the lens through which I see the world, then I’ve learned to look at it instead of just through it. I’ve learned to notice where it’s serving me well and where it’s stirring up trouble. I’ve become better at noticing how my lens differs from other people’s lenses and what kinds of communication breakdowns are likely to result. And then I’ve learned how to deal with them. Far from taking away my agency, understanding personality has helped me make smart, informed decisions about my life.”

Bogel covers Introversion v. Extroversion, Highly Sensitive People, Chapman’s Love Languages, Keirsey’s Temperaments, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and Cognitive Functions, the Clifton StrengthsFinder, and the Enneagram. Here are my discoveries about myself from each.

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Introversion

“Introverts and extroverts are quite different when it comes to risk-taking. Extroverts are more responsive to dopamine than introverts, which means they’re more likely to take big risks and enjoy doing it. They crave stimulation, whether that comes in the form of lights and sound or social interaction. But introverts, quite literally, prefer the quiet. They tend to have a more developed prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for abstract thought and decision-making.”

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Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

It has been helpful to know that I am an HSP, especially for Mr. B since he keeps it in mind when we are in a crowded or loud place and gives me some recovery time.

• Hardwired physiological trait that affects 15–20% of the population
• HSPs have nervous systems that are more receptive to stimuli, more attuned to subtleties in their surroundings
• Sensory input drains highly sensitive people. Loud noise, visual clutter, texture, nonstop activity, emotions (our own and others’), information overload, media, decision fatigue… all exhausting
• All personality types can be sensitive, whether introverts or extroverts
• HSPs need routine, boundaries, quiet

“Highly sensitive children (HSCs) are more prone to be bothered by scratchy clothes and itchy socks, unfamiliar tastes and loud noises, daily transitions and changes in routine.”

It’s remarkable really that not once have I made the connection between my daughter’s sensory issues and my own HSP-ness. It seems pretty obvious now!

“HSPs can be intense. They are passionate by nature, and can make others feel their passion too. They have laser-like focus and dedicate boatloads of attention to the things they care about. They’re able to explore issues in depth, seeing the nuances that others miss or choose to ignore. They’re extremely perceptive, picking up on all sorts of things nonsensitive types miss. They are really good at deep conversation and are eager to explore meaningful topics. And they’re creative, able to turn their hyper-awareness within to generate new ideas. When we think of high sensitivity in that light, it sounds like a superpower.”

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The Five Love Languages

You’ve most likely heard of Gary Chapman’s 1992 book. Chapman believes love is an action and there are 5 main ways people express love (words of affirmation, quality time, giving/receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch). The trick is to speak the other person’s primary love language, not your own, so they feel our love.

Quality Time (my love language):

• Best understand love in the form of undivided attention via quality conversation, sharing thoughts and feelings
• Yearn for shared quality activities… a long walk, a weekend getaway, or a basement clean-out day

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David Keirsey’s 4 Temperaments

While there are 16 MBTI types, Keirsey’s framework has 4 distinct, foundational combinations of characteristic attitudes, values, and talents. I plan to read Keirsey’s book, Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence to see what Mr. B and SG are.

Two factors determine temperament: how we use words (what we say) and how we use tools (what we do). We lean toward being either concrete or abstract in our word usage and either cooperative or utilitarian in our tool usage (a tool is anything that can be used to effect action).

Guardians and Artisans are concerned with things that can be seen or touched. They are literal, factual in communication. They focus on what is. Idealists and Rationalists prefer the realm of ideas, possibilities and imagination. They love metaphors and focus on what’s possible.

I am an Idealist (Abstract words and Cooperative tools):

• 15–20 percent of the population
• Insightful, imaginative, and empathetic
• Care deeply about finding meaning and significance in the world, particularly in their relationships
• Idea people, interested in possibilities and unseen potential
• Able to draw connections between seemingly unrelated ideas
• Focused on what could be, not what is
• Extremely good at putting themselves in someone else’s shoes
• Sensitive to nuance, good reader of body language and facial expression
• They trust their intuition, their first impressions, and their feelings
• Idealists are fascinated by identity and devoted to pursuing, identifying, and understanding their own
• In relationships, Idealists make “intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders”
• Idealists excel at sharing ideas through words and tend to be speakers, writers, teachers, and communicators. You’ll find Idealists in mental health services, missionary work, and ministry.

I read also that Idealists are most likely to go gaga over personality typing. I really do love this stuff!

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The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

What I didn’t know about the MBTI framework is that:

• None of the terms mean what I thought they meant
• It ranks your Dominant, Auxiliary, Tertiary, and Inferior functions
• Everyone has 2 introverted and 2 extroverted functions
• Your type is not just a combination of letters; it’s a pattern of mental behavior. To get the most accurate MBTI type for yourself, you need to identify the cognitive functions you rely on and the specific order you use them
• If you’re an introvert, then your dominant function is always introverted. Your auxiliary function is always the opposite orientation of your dominant function, meaning you—along with everyone else—have one extraverted function and one introverted function in your top two.
• Each function can be introverted or extraverted, perceptive or judging

The MBTI is based on 8 psychological preferences, broken into 4 dichotomies:

Introversion/Extraversion – how you engage with the world; about energy management and where you get your energy

• 30-50% are introverted
• The world of ideas is the “real” world and where prefer to spend time

Intuition/Sensing – how a person takes in information around them, focused on the meaning of observations or what their 5 senses take in.

• 25-30% are Intuitives
• focus on big picture, read between the lines, make connections from seemingly disconnected ideas, see potentials and possibilities
• drawn to what’s going on beneath the surface; focus attention on what could be (not facts)

“Introverted Intuition (Ni): builds a framework to explain how the world works, drawing on detailed, abstract analysis of current and past events. This function is great at simplifying ideas to their core, working convergently to narrow all available options to a single comprehensive solution. Introverted Intuition is future-oriented: this function is excellent at visualizing likely or best outcomes for future events, as opposed to what’s currently happening. This cognitive process excels at seeing patterns of behavior and cause and effect and using those patterns to anticipate what’s coming next. People who lead with Introverted Intuition are excellent problem solvers who love to generate theories. They are highly perceptive, insightful, and great at spotting logical fallacies and inconsistencies. They trust their intuition and their hunches.”

Thinking/Feeling – Thinkers are analytical and logical; feelers evaluate how a decision will affect the people involved.

“Feeling is a judging function, which means it’s about decision-making. This isn’t just about emotions; it’s prioritizing how a decision will affect people before considering the cold, hard facts. Imagine a judge delivering a verdict. Extraverted Feeling prioritizes maintaining harmony in the external environment. It is focused on helping everyone get along and strives to do what is best for the group as a whole. More so than any other function, Extraverted Feeling requires social interaction to be satisfied. Extraverted Feeling is quick to read and empathize with the emotions of others.“

Judging/Perceiving – How you make decisions: done or ever-searching for new info

Judging means this type prefers to have decisions (aka judgments) behind them (settled). They feel more comfortable once the decision, whatever it is, is made. In preference-speak, Perceiving means “preferring to take in information.”

I am an INFJ: The INFJ is a tireless idealist who is guided by a strong inner sense of right and wrong. INFJs make up less than 1 percent of the population! Rare combination of idealism and action. Though soft-spoken, he will fight to the death for what he believes in and strives to see the world made right on both a large and a small scale.

Incidentally, Bogel’s favorite type descriptions are at PersonalityPage.

My favorite here is that there is a good deal of material about potential pitfalls of an INFJ and what to watch out for. There are career options too… all things I have explored or am interested in!

Check them out on Facebook too.

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Clifton StrengthsFinder

The StrengthsFinder helps us identify, understand, and build on our naturally occurring talents to create areas of strength.

“The StrengthsFinder identifies possible themes that capture our motivations, interpersonal skills, and learning styles. Through a series of questions, the assessment identifies our top five themes—that is, areas of potential strength—from among all these possibilities. The thirty-four themes are broken down into four loose categories: executing, influencing, relationship building, and strategic thinking.”

We used this at Ernst & Young and I probably even have the first book, but I couldn’t remember what my strengths even were. I went online and took the “Top 5” assessment.

Besides this summary, I got a lot of detail about each of these:

I got confused on a few of the questions though… I wasn’t sure about this one. Do I focus on my strengths more that weaknesses? I don’t know.

And this one… they are both strongly true for me!

The best part of the assessment is the “Ideas for Action” section, which I’m guessing most people miss because it’s not in a prominent place on the site. For example, a suggestions for Intellection are:

• List ideas in a diary for greater insights
• Schedule time for thinking and reflection
• Take time to write – writing is the best way for you to crystallize and integrate your thoughts. Hello blogland!

I found the most helpful suggestion to be in the Empathy category – to prevent overwhelm, create some rituals to use at the end of the day to buffer your emotions.

Knowing your strengths is only the beginning. Gallup research proves that people who actively use their strengths are more likely to:

• Achieve goals
• Display confidence & self-assurance
• Experience an excellent quality of life
• Be more energetic, well-rested and happier
• Be less worried, stressed, angry and sad

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The Enneagram

The Enneagram pinpoints not our weaknesses but our motivations—the underlying reasons that drive everything we do.. the Enneagram fosters the self-awareness and self-examination necessary for personal and spiritual growth. It is known for emphasizing each type’s negative qualities, which makes it strikingly different from the other frameworks in this book.

The Enneagram is represented by a circle with interior lines connecting the nine types. The nine points on the circle represent nine personality types that interact with the world in their own unique ways. Think of each type as seeing the world through a unique pair of glasses. These glasses sometimes bring us clarity, but they can also distort our vision in big and small ways.

I just had to know my type! It’s $12 online to take the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator. The test consists of 144 paired statements and takes 40 minutes. You select the statement in each pair that better describes your general behavior throughout most of your life.

I have to point out that I had no idea what to select on the following two questions because they both seem equally true for me.

Feeling Center: The Individualist: The Functions of Self-Awareness and Artistic Creativity— The potential for intuition, sensitivity, individualism, self-expression, and self-revelation. Negatively, the potential for self-absorption, self-consciousness, self-doubt, self-inhibition, and depression.

Yep, that’s me! I was also a strong 2/Helper and 9/Peacemaker.

I also happened to listen to a favorite podcast, Sorta Awesome, on the treadmill and heard the episode’s guest recommend Nate Bebout‘s enneagram test and book, More Than A Number, which you know I’m going to read! She made Nate sound like such an awesome guy, so I was happy to support him by taking his test.

Thankfully, it confirmed that I am a Four. (What would I do if I got two different types? Take yet another!) The coolest part is that he “connects the dots” so you can see where you visually fall on this map. I imagine his book will talk more about this. When I convince Mr. B to take the assessment, I can map his “blob” on top of mine to show similarities and differences. How cool is that?!?!

All this self-discovery is so interesting to me! I hope to report back soon with info from Nate’s book as well as what I learn from a book about figuring out your child’s Type, recognizing the unique potential of every child, and parenting them in the best way for them.

Share anything you learn about your own personality, please! I love this stuff!