March/April reading and doing too much – again

Diamonds are formed under high pressure, giving them their unique brilliance and radiance.

Similarly, human beings are subjected to pressures and difficulties that form who we are.

We grow stronger, smarter, and more resilient when we conquer these challenges.

Whenever you’re feeling the burden of life on your shoulders, remember that you have the capacity to shine like a diamond.

Well obviously I have been doing WAY too much and reaching the outer edge of my limits as a human being, BUT… I have finished my Master’s thesis and I’m very happy with it. The Mussar Omer program materials are complete and so far (this is week 3 of 7) has been extraordinarily well received. We’ve done two interview podcasts and two webinars. I really like that I’m getting to do this. Seriously, there is no amount of work that would be too much for that sacred community that gives me so much. I took my Hebrew final exam. I cleaned up my desk and I’m good as new.

Our Passover seder was a success as well… in that it happened and it’s over. It was very chaotic with 33 people. Someday we will have a meaningful seder… when the kids grow up a little more. We had it in the middle of the holiday, which I found disrespectful in all sorts of ways, but made it easier in that I didn’t read the entire Haggadah. It is loads of work to set up all the tables and the kitchen and serve so many people dinner and I did not really get to talk to anyone that night, but I feel good and my sweet girl enjoyed it.

What’s next for me? I am enjoying a full week and a half of no classes before I begin again. I’m doing a puzzle app on my phone. I’m hanging with my family. I’m catching up on a scrapbook. I’m going to read!

I have two more 8-week summer classes for my Masters: “The Book of Samuel” will be May/June and “Modern Jewish Thought” will be July/August. And I will be taking the third and final Hebrew preparatory class for rabbinical school so I’m caught up to begin with their Hebrew A course in the fall. I’m looking forward to only attending one school soon!

My thesis entailed reading about 20 books and loads of articles… I’ve listed some here but I give up on a full reading report for March and April! The whole project was very interesting to me and I enjoyed all the books.

  • The Earth Is the Lord’s: The Inner World of the Jew in Eastern Europe by Abraham Joshua Heschel
  • The Legacy: Teachings for Life from the Great Lithuanian Rabbis by Berel Wein
  • Lithuanian Yeshivas of the Nineteenth Century: Creating a Tradition of Learning by Shaul Stampfer
  • Hasidic Tales of the Holocaust by Yaffa Eliach
  • Sharing the Burden: Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv and the Path of Musar by Geoffrey Claussen
  • Strive for Truth by Rav Dessler
  • Wrestling with God: Jewish Theological Responses During and After the Holocaust by Steven Katz
  • Rabbi Israel Salanter and the Mussar Movement: Seeking the Torah of Truth by Emmanual Etkes
  • Between Berlin and Slobodka: Jewish Transition Figures from Eastern Europe by Hillel Goldberg
  • The Fire Within by Hillel Goldberg
  • Illuminating the Generations by Hillel Goldberg
  • Choosing Not to Choose: Based on the Va’adim of HaRav Yechiel Yitzchok Perr by David Jemal
  • The Life and Ideals of Rabbi Elchonon Bunim Wasserman of Baranovich by Aaron Sorasky
  • Reb Yisrael Salanter: The Story of Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin by Yaacov Shulman
  • The Musar Movement and Lithuanian Jewry by R. Elijah Schochet
  • Rav Yeruchom: The Light of the Torah World by Rav M. M. Plato
  • The Alter of Novardok: The Life of Rav Yosef Yoizel Horowitz and His Worldwide Impact by Rabbi Shlomo Weintraub
  • Novarodok: A Movement That Lived in Struggle and Its Unique Approach to the Problem of Man by Meir Levin

I read one book for fun: The Love Scribe by Amy Meyerson — I have to say I don’t remember a thing about it!

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February reading report

Apologies for the brevity this time…

  • 45-day weight loss: 15 pounds
  • Half of thesis done
  • Pool leak fixed
  • Pesach/Omer 5 weeks away – 49 reflections secured
  • Decided I am NOT starting a new Gratz course this term

The Mitford Affair by Marie Benedict

I wish I could say I loved this because I do adore Marie Benedict’s other books. But this one was a rather shallow tale with unbelievable plot situations. Really disappointing.

Sharing the Burden: Rabbi Simchah Zissel Ziv and the Path of Musar by Geoffrey Claussen

This is a truly readable book about the founder of the Kelm Yeshiva. I read it in one day because I found it fascinating.

Between Berlin and Slobodka: Jewish Transition Figures from Eastern Europe by Hillel Goldberg

I read this for the chapter on Rabbi Yisrael Salanter and couldn’t help but continue reading to see how the other historical figures related to him and to one another.

Heart to Heart: A Conversation on Love and Hope for our Precious Planet by The Dalai Lama

My favorite part of this tiny book was this prayer:

May I become, at all times, both now and forever,  a protector for those without protection,  a guide for those who’ve lost their way, a ship for those with oceans to cross, a bridge for those with rivers to cross, a sanctuary for those in danger, a lamp for those without light, a place of refuge for those who lack shelter, and a servant to all who are in need.

The Idea of You by Robinne Lee

This was completely different from anything I usually read. Fluff but fun.

Someone Else’s Shoes by Jojo Moyes

I didn’t think this was up to the same level as her other books, but the characters were excellent and I enjoyed this.

What Do We Tell the Children? Talking to Kids About Death and Dying by Joseph Primo

My mother-in-law passed away and I read this on the trip to the funeral, just to help guide my daughter and to be able to answer any questions in an appropriate way.

One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle

I’m afraid I expected more than this book was willing to give. Daughter somehow meets mother when mother was young… the Amalfi Coast… self-discovery, blah, blah, blah. Descriptions of the city and the food were fantastic though.

The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak

Powerful cross-cultural love story. Also different from the norm.

Great Circle by Maggie Shipstead

Wow. I listened to this on audiobook and loved it. A female pilot carving out her own life despite setbacks and limitations. Great characters and story.

The Alter of Novardok: The Life of Rav Yosef Yoizel Horowitz and his worldwide impact by Rabbi Shlomo Weintraub

The Alter was quite radical and so learning about his life and personality was so interesting.

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What are you doing???

I may just be a tad overextended. The big task this past month was to get my thesis to about a halfway point so that when a new course begins tomorrow, I’ll be in a good place. I have done that… whew. Juggling tax prep, a pool leak, a school-required conference this week (online thankfully), writing content for the Mussar Institute Omer program, thinking about a Passover seder, a couple of family trips, it’s a lot. The fact that it will be March tomorrow is anxiety-inducing. I thought perhaps listing it here might help me somehow get it organized in my head.

  • Writing my thesis. This has to be #1 because it takes so much time. The scope of my topic continues to narrow as I read more, simply because there is too much to cover. As of now, the topic is the Modern Mussar Movement: Yisrael Salanter, his disciples, the main 3 philosophies that came from this, and how those leaders were resilient in the face of hardship and major struggles. It was originally about specific leaders’ reactions to the Nazi invasion during WWII, but that grew far too large. Still, this is a broad topic. I’ve read about 8 books and loads of articles, making notes and organizing the research.80% of the research is done and about 50% of the writing because (not on this list) I begin another class (my final Gratz course) on March 1 and I’d like to have a large portion of this finished before then.
  • Planning the Omer program. The Mussar Institute runs this 49-day program between Pesach and Shavuot every year. I’m honored to be planning this year’s program with one other friend. We have a general theme and weekly sub-themes, and now we are putting together the email and webpage templates, recruiting speakers for the weekly webinars, writing content for each week, creating extra readings and quotations, and on and on. I was ahead of the game (maybe still am for a week or so). The more I can do now the better because April and May are already busy with finishing the thesis and the new class.
    • Taking AJR Hebrew. Yay – I was accepted into rabbinical school at the Academy for Jewish Religion. (Maybe a separate post is required, yes?) However, my Modern Hebrew is not up to snuff just yet. They offer three levels of preparatory Hebrew classes and I’m in Level 2. The class meets two days a week, for 2.5 hours each time. Plus homework. It’s a lot, but it’s great to practice speaking. I know much of the vocabulary and grammar from my Biblical Hebrew courses, so I think I’m ahead of the game here. Still, I have not studied this since college! Writing in script has come back to me, thank goodness, and I’m enjoying the class. This summer, I’ll take Level 3. Then I am finally able to take the school’s Hebrew A class. And OMG… there’s A, B, and C, each of which are two trimesters. There is a lot of Hebrew in my future.
    • Participating in an Advanced Facilitation group. This is an honor to be chosen for. There are 9 of us meeting with a facilitator for two hours about every other week. She is guiding us through various pitfalls and opportunities of Mussar facilitation. I have learned a great deal and it has revolutionized the way I facilitate. I’m much more confident and centered, secure in my own gifts. This commitment also involves meeting with a chevrutah in between meetings to process and apply what we’ve learned. That too has been a gift.
    • Studying Alei Shur. This is a classic Mussar text written by a recent Mussar great, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe. (I study sometimes with two of his grandsons, who live in Houston.) The Mussar Institute (Avi) teaches this weekly course and this is the fourth segment of it. Avi is a student of a student of Rav Wolbe. We’ve been together for over two years at this point as Avi reads the Hebrew text, translates it for us, and explains its meaning. The concepts are large, but I attribute much of my personal growth to these teachings.
    • Taking a Biblical Poetry class. I’ve completed three courses of Biblical Hebrew and this is the next in the series. The teacher of this section is amazing — so detailed and explains things very well. The material is dense with detail. She sends her notated slides after the class so I’ve been able to make a separate notebook with helpful grammatical material and her color-coded verb charts. Because of her thoroughness though, I have to watch the recording of the class so I can truly learn the concepts, pausing to paste in my notebook or make notes. Besides this class, I also meet with a personal tutor an hour each week to solidify concepts and do practice exercises. Yes, I’ve got about 8-9 hours of Hebrew each week.
    • Facilitating Houston Mussar group. I’ve been doing this for five years now. I enjoy it, though it involves a bit of logistical time: sending out reading material, the meeting notices and Zoom link and agenda, facilitating two separate groups (one Sunday afternoon and one Thursday morning) each month, following up with study and practice materials. I have an awesome co-facilitator to plan each topic with and run ideas by, which is great. Just about each time I facilitate, someone has a huge aha moment and is so thankful to us for this spiritual experience.
    • Weekly Torah study from a Mussar lens. Pretty much as it sounds, but I enjoy this group of people so much. We’ve been meeting for 2.5 years now. This hour adds meaning to my week.
    • Learning with Akiva Tatz. Rabbi Dr. Tatz is truly remarkable. He has a myriad of books and I don’t even know everything he does. He’s a specialist in medical ethics, incredibly well-read, and an excellent teacher. We have just started the eighth course going through a specific text, the Ramchal’s Derech Hashem, each course consisting of 8 Sunday classes.
    • Attending AJR lunchtime programming. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, from 11:10-11:40, there’s either a guest speaker, a discussion topic, or a meeting of some sort. Yesterday’s speaker was talking about the recent political changes on the table in Israel. Before that, someone presented on what synagogue search committees look for. Next week there’s a session where someone will present her Master’s Project about medieval Jewish women. Sometimes there’s a lesson. Sometimes a Student Association meeting. (And sometimes I can’t attend because I have another class.)
    • Finally, there’s all the rest of daily life. Being a wife and a mom, driving to and from school, making meals, fixing a leaky pool pipe, talking with family and friends, reading, listening to podcasts and audio books, diamond painting, laundry, taking the cat to the vet, paying bills, walking, sleeping. Ah, I love sleeping.
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    The Mountain of Becoming

    Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba

    The nectar of these varied translucent souls 

    dance with the westerly breath of air,

    with the white petals of the almond trees.

    B’alma div’ra chirutei v’yamlich malchutei

    They linger above the pale heavy stones

    to be reflected in the golden bowl on high.

    B’chayeichon uv’yomeichon

    These fathers and grandfathers, disciples and teachers both,

    tzaddiks and servants blessed in movement and in rest.

    Uv’chayei d’chol beit Yisroel

    This sacred ground radiates day and night

    with ever-present ancient golden sparks

    to illuminate with fallen prayers

    we who study their words and mitzvot.

    Ba’agala Uvizman kariv v’im’ru amen

    Those who wander lost

    with trembling footsteps in the deserts of Yisroel

    gather at the edges to collect the jewels of the gaonim,

    eternal students seeking a crown woven with olives.

    Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach l’olam ul’amei almaya

    All of them turn heavenward

    to The One Above, seeking aliyah

    like a child with raised arms,

    yearning for the surety of a parent.

    Y’hei sh’lama raba min sh’maya

    We mingle in memory and story,

    rich in history and wisdom,

    waiting for our time to return to the Kingdom of Light.

    V’chaim aleinu v’al kol Yisroel v’imru amen

    They lived in Truth, from the heart,

    and we seekers examine the space between the stones

    where perhaps a connection lingers to the Promised Land above.

    Oseh shalom bimromav hu ya’aseh shalom

    We move slowly and carefully

    on our path of return,

    stumbling on unseen, intangible 

    boulders of our own creation.

    I wrote this while in Israel three years ago, specifically our visit to the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem after visiting the Mussar Masters’ graves. I’d like to dedicate it to my mother-in-law, who passed away a few days ago.

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    Self-care reminder

    We went away to Cabo for a few days over winter break and while at the hotel pool, I had a complimentary 10-minute foot massage. I hadn’t realized what tension I have been carrying around! It dawned on me that I haven’t had a massage in almost three years! Something that had been a regular self-care treat sort of disappeared because of the pandemic and I never put it back.

    During the mini massage, I noticed myself taking deeper breaths, letting my shoulders relax, closing my eyes. It gave me time to refocus. I realized that I need to give myself some balance. I’m doing so many things! For the past few weeks, I’ve set aside a few moments to enjoy a cup of tea and look at the nature outside our living room windows. Usually the squirrels are up to something funny, but if not, I like to look at flowers and trees and sky. This new ritual has helped me enjoy a bit of a pause in the middle of the day.

    I have also been walking in the neighborhood a few days a week. This is to get myself moving a little since I mostly am sitting at my desk all day. Sometimes it’s just 10 minutes but I enjoy being in the fresh air and seeing what’s going on around the neighborhood. We’ve still got construction going on here and there.

    Remember my 30-day plan for healthy eating? It was a great success! I lost 10.2 pounds. The “W” means I walked that day.

    I am on Day 4 of another cycle, ready to do it again. I can’t say I notice any big changes yet. Mainly I noticed that my watch is looser. Every day I eat pretty much the same thing, with some variation for dinner veggie choices and a snack of fruit or popcorn in the afternoon.

    One thing I like about my chart is that I check off each day. I only weigh myself at Day 15 and Day 30, so I’m focused on true results, not 1/5 pound here or there.

    I’m happy that I’ve taken control of my health. I feel proud of myself. I’m still waiting for walking itself not to hurt so much, but I’m getting there.

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    January book reviews

    I’m excited for another year of reading great books!

    I’ve heard it said that if you want something done, ask a busy person. Maybe that’s how I was able to read so much this month!

    A friend helped me tally all the various classes and activities that I’m involved in and we came to 10. That is a lot to have on one plate!

    Enjoy the reviews and let me know of any good books you are reading!

    Woman on Fire by Lisa Barr

    Young journalist searches for a secret painting taken by the Nazis. A bit of a mystery, a bit of historical fiction. Fast-moving and fun. It would be a great movie.

    Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud

    The quoting of scripture got a little annoying, but I recognize that this is part of the point of the book. Still very helpful and with many practical suggestions to put into practice.

    A Hope More Powerful Than the Sea: One Refugee’s Incredible Story of Love, Loss, and Survival by Melissa Flemming

    I reviewed this amazing story in a separate post.

    Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

    These four excerpts will tell you everything you need to know about this unusual but engaging book:

    “What I find interesting about rowing,” Dr. Mason was saying, “is that it’s always done backwards. It’s almost as if the sport itself is trying to teach us not to get ahead of ourselves.” He opened his car door. “Actually, when you think about it, rowing is almost exactly like raising kids. Both require patience, endurance, strength, and commitment. And neither allow us to see where we’re going—only where we’ve been. I find that very reassuring, don’t you?”

    Courage is the root of change—and change is what we’re chemically designed to do. So when you wake up tomorrow, make this pledge. No more holding yourself back. No more subscribing to others’ opinions of what you can and cannot achieve. And no more allowing anyone to pigeonhole you into useless categories of sex, race, economic status, and religion. Do not allow your talents to lie dormant, ladies. Design your own future. When you go home today, ask yourself what you will change. And then get started.

    “The problem, Calvin,” she asserted, “is that half the population is being wasted. It’s not just that I can’t get the supplies I need to complete my work, it’s that women can’t get the education they need to do what they’re meant to do. And even if they do attend college, it will never be a place like Cambridge. Which means they won’t be offered the same opportunities nor afforded the same respect. They’ll start at the bottom and stay there. Don’t even get me started on pay. And all because they didn’t attend a school that wouldn’t admit them in the first place.”

    Had anyone asked him, Calvin would have said Elizabeth Zott was what he treasured most in the world, and not because she was pretty, and not because she was smart, but because she loved him and he loved her with a certain kind of fullness, of conviction, of faith, that underscored their devotion to each other. They were more than friends, more than confidants, more than allies, and more than lovers. If relationships are a puzzle, then theirs was solved from the get-go—as if someone shook out the box and watched from above as each separate piece landed exactly right, slipping one into the other, fully interlocked, into a picture that made perfect sense.

    The Jew in the Lotus: A Poet’s Rediscovery of Jewish Identity in Buddhist India by Rodger Kamenetz

    Eight Jewish delegates travel to India to have a multi-day dialogue with the Dalai Lama.

    The Love Songs of W.E.B. Du Bois by Honorée Fanonne Jeffers

    Amazing! I listened to the 30-hour audiobook (I just couldn’t stop and it was worth it). The intergenerational stories that link together through slavery and freedom were transformational. This is an epic book!

    Novarodok: A Movement That Lived In Struggle And Its Unique Approach To The Problem Of Man by Meir Levin

    This is a slim and engaging book about Rabbi Yosef Yozel Hurvitz, the Alter of Novardok, who founded many yeshivas in Lithuania and Poland in the early 20th century. The school of Novardok was a radical school of Mussar that taught nullifying one’s self-interests, tear down the unworthiness of the heart and mind and allow for inner rebirth. He had some radical methods inspired by the political climate in 1900s revolutionary Russia.

    I’m writing my Masters Thesis on the three schools of Mussar that grew out of Rav Yisroel Salanter’s Mussar movement. I also re-read The Fire Within and Illuminating the Generations by Rabbi Hillel Goldberg

    Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel

    Really excellent plot and a fast-moving read. It’s a sort-of sequel to The Glass Hotel.

    More After the Break: A Reporter Returns to Ten Unforgettable News Stories by Jen Maxfield

    Do you ever wonder what happened before the cameras started rolling or after the cameras leave? Maxfield introduces her readers to people who have lost children and other loved ones and people who have been through enormous traumas and have mostly recovered. Their stories are amazing and inspiring. I love that Maxfield inserts her own feelings, trepidations, worries, and stories of her family.

    “Human being first. Journalist second. Because at the end of the day, we are telling people’s stories. We are there to bear witness, to listen, and to question. We are there to provide a healthy dose of skepticism, coupled with comfort and compassion. The information may flow through us, but we are not a neutral medium. The stories change us, for better or for worse. In my case, the thousands of stories I have covered have left me with a greater appreciation for life, a tendency to forgive myself and others for the mistakes we all make, and an overwhelming sense of respect and gratitude for the people who choose to spend time with me in service to the greater good.”

    Novelist as a Vocation by Haruki Murakami

    I loved reading about Murakami’s early beginnings as an essay contest winner, what he thinks about the literary world today, and some of his writing experiences.

    The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel Pink

    I listened to Daniel Pink read this on an audiobook and really enjoyed his explanations of his research on regret, including how to use it for growth.

    Crying in the Bathroom: A Memoir by Erika L. Sánchez

    Sanchez writes that she “belonged nowhere and everywhere all at once.” Living this contradiction helps her remember that all people “are composed of multitudes,” which is something Walt Whitman could have written too. When she started to feel a sort of intersectionality of identity, neither fully Mexican or American, she became her own home. And she’s really really funny. 🙂

    Women of color are regularly praised for our resilience, but what’s too often overlooked is that our resilience is a response to so many forms of violence. For us, resilience is more than a noble trait; it’s a lifestyle that oppression has demanded of us. Either we adapt or we die. Even so, we need not be mere caricatures. Our stories matter, despite what the rest of society would like us to believe. So here I present to you a series of my musings, misfortunes, triumphs, disappointments, delights, and resurrections.

    Better to laugh at the absurdity of your time on earth than to resign yourself to mourning all of life’s misfortunes. Laughter is a beautiful form of resilience, one that evinces a generosity of spirit. But sometimes I do wonder: Is it brave to find joy amid despair, or is it simply part of being human? Does it even matter?

    Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

    I loved this novel! I am guessing it’ll still be a favorite at the end of this year. I loved the story in its originality.

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