Trust the journey

believe in magic

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“Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love.” ~ Caroline Adams

From Trust Your Journey’s Facebook page.

Check out their inspirational website too.  They have a shop with awesome jewelry, clothing, and mugs.

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Forgiveness: how to set down a long-carried burden

work in progress

“Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore.” ~ Cheryl Strayed

Do you carry around an exaggerated sense of responsibility and self-judgment for something that happened long ago?  Is there something in the back of your mind that you need to let go of?

A long-carried burden is just that… a burden.  It is time to set it down and carry on.

Sunset over Adriatic

Today I ask you to offer compassion to your younger self for doing exactly what she was capable of in whatever situation you’re stuck on.  She did not have the perspective that you have now.  Given what she knew, she did her best.  Forgive her the rest.

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year… This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The really difficult realization I came to in making this decision is how very long I have been toting around some heavy feelings for no reason.  I didn’t know how to feel that compassion for my past self or how to offer forgiveness to myself and let it go.

What I’d like you to tell your earlier self is that she was enough, just as she was.  She should listen to her heart and inner guidance far more than she was doing at the time.  She should trust herself in what she knew.

Since I can’t go back and tell myself those things, I will tell them to myself right now.  And this time, I’m listening.

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Why declutter your life?

Snow on pinesUnderstanding why you want to simplify and slow w a a y down will make it easier to remember that goal when new things start to crop up.  It’s a way of focusing on the positive benefits of decluttering instead of what you’re letting go of.  It also makes it easier to call someone who is expecting you to do something and tell them that it’s not really going to happen.  🙂 Simply focus on what you’re getting to do instead!

Ask yourself these important questions

I was asking myself the questions below, looking at the answers about what I most value, and wondering why on earth I am not prioritizing those above everything else.

  • Who are the most important people in your life? Mr. B, Sweet Girl, family, C
  • What experiences are the most important to you? travel, making memories with family, reading/learning, creating a peaceful home
  • What does a perfect day look like? a balance of time alone and time with family/friends; some time at home and some out experiencing something new; feeling upbeat and friendly; optimistic attitude; includes something active like taking a walk or swim; going out for good food; time in nature; connecting with favorite people; improving something meaningful/helpful
  • If you had a simpler life, what positive things could you move toward? peace of mind, rich spiritual discovery, calm acceptance, wisdom
  • What negative things could you move away from? focusing and spending most time on unimportant and mundane tasks, continuous rushing, judgement
  • What do you want to be remembered for? kindness, compassion, generosity, making things/people better, knowledge, listening, my individual creative viewpoint (poetic aperture, anyone?)

Aspen treesWhat do you want to create?

I want a clean email inbox (which is mostly my task list).  In order to have that, I have to unsubscribe from lots of newsletters and blogs.  (Do you use UnrollMe? It’s awesome.  You get one email a day instead of countless unimportant ones.)

I want to feel much more connected to my friends and family.  In order to make space in my day for more coffee/lunch dates and time on weekends for family, I will choose wisely when committing to one event or meeting after another.  Even if they aren’t on the weekend, they often carry into the weekend (photo editing, preparing for a speech, running errands, etc.).

I want a slower life.  I’d like to walk slower and take in my surroundings, talk with people, smile more.  I want to have time in front of and behind an event so I am calm.  Going to the grocery store and really being grateful for such abundance is far better than making a beeline for the fruit and getting out of there.  Filling my car with gas and admiring the sky and filling my lungs with air is more enjoyable than catching up on emails in that 3 minute timespan.  Picking up my daughter with a clean slate so I am ready to be with her is far better than feeling that nothing is done yet rushing to get her, preoccupied with other stuff.  So I am not saying yes to everything.

I want to feel closer to Mr. B.  When he’s in town, I need to focus on giving him time right after I put my daughter to bed.  Otherwise, I head to bed and he has to compete with my book or my sleep! When he’s out of town, I need to spend a few minutes texting/on phone to fill him in on our day and hear what’s going on with him.

I want to leave behind the busyness and exhaustion, which leads to resentment and overwhelm.  When I had my word of the year as “cherish,” I constantly remembered to slow down and enjoy whoever I was with or whatever I was doing.  So I will try to think of another word to use for this.

What do YOU want and how are you going to create that for yourself???

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Social justice

“Be present, question assumptions, and be loud! Social transformation starts with everyday people working for change.”

This is a Daisy Good article by Nina Flores from this past summer called 17 Ways You Can Work for Social Justice.  I have been saving it to share with you today, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day here in the U.S.

butterfly loveI have seen how one person really can make a difference.  Our world is actually much smaller than it seems and we can evoke enormous change.

Sending you blessings today and always.

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Too much… another post about clutter

Since writing this post early last week, there have been more discoveries that I look forward to sharing with you.  The main point: ENJOY your life.  Thoughts can be clutter too.

calendar declutterToo much stuff.  Too many commitments.  Too many comparisons.  Clutter.  (Too little time, space, and peace.)

Before we left home for our Disney cruise at the end of December, I straightened the house as much as possible so we would be coming home to a fresh and clean space.  Cruise ship rooms aren’t the most spacious of accommodations, so I’d already been thinking of how to streamline all of our things stuff “made in China” crap.  Entering our house anew, with the perspective that a week away gives you, it was rather obvious what was “extra” or out of place and what was essential.  Being me, I set about tossing things and rearranging, but in a different manner than ever before.  

This time, I wasn’t feeling harried, angry at the accumulation of clutter/possessions, or in much of a rush.  I even decided to do this piecemeal, moving on to do other things before I was even finished (quite unlike me!).

Decluttering

list of declutter activitiesYou may remember that I do this decluttering thing just about every New Year.  I just came across this checklist from last year.  So instead of deciding with a big fanfare, “Ok, that’s it!  We are tackling this right now,” I instead am working on a little bit at a time, being nice to myself all the while, and I think I’m getting close to being done.

Having already tackled most of my house last year, I really only need to look at our sentimental belongings and a few closets.  Small steps are the key here, I think.  I’ll keep you posted as I go.

Slowing down

What else is different? I am not taking any classes.  I am ok with not attending all board meetings. I am keeping things low key and loving it.  I am happy to have the space in my day between activities.  You see, I had been canceling self-care things like reading or a massage because I felt I didn’t have the time.  I was “busy” and not available to simply watch life unfold.

Since all the activity was too much, which became clear on our trip away as well, I thought about what I could let go of.  Eventually, on the trip, we decided (secretly so as not to upset our daughter) that we didn’t need to stand in every single character line to get signatures and to meet them all.  We didn’t need to do everything that was offered.  And by the last couple of days, things were easier.

Screen Shot 2015-07-17 at 9.44.07 AM.png

I can’t find the words to describe the sense of relief I feel in not requiring myself to do it all.  I bet you know what I mean anyway.  And that there is no rush to do this housework is even better.  I am very proud of myself and hope I can keep this mindset!

A reassuring reminder

I decided to write down how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking so that if my mindset changes, I will have a reminder.  I share it here because I think it will help you too.

Dear Naomi… remember that you are creative and intelligent, strong and full of ideas.  You have love surrounding you from all areas, so you never have to do something to earn someone else’s love or respect.  You create a vibe in your home and family that is positive and fun and accepting of others.  You are compassionate and free-spirited.  Remember that it’s ok to do a u-turn when you’re driving somewhere because you saw something that you want to photograph.  These are the important moments.  Put aside the immediate task and really look at who your daughter and husband ARE, right this minute. These moments are fleeting.  In ten years, your 7-year-old will be 17 and quite a different person.

Take care of yourself and the body that houses you.  Treating it with respect will allow it to carry you forward for many, many years.  Stretch.  Put in healthy fuel.  Take baths and get massages.  Appreciate it more.  Focus on your breath and close your eyes sometimes.

Remember that idea that there is far more distance to travel inside than outside of yourself.  How will you have time to travel within if you are so busy “with-out?”

Streamline everything.  What do you need to live a full life? Is something creating visual clutter? Toss it.  Is it blocking your natural path? Move it.  If you haven’t used it in a few months, give it away.  Make getting dressed simpler by having only clothes that you love wearing.  Make working in the kitchen easier by having a place for everything and if it doesn’t fit, paring down even more.

Toss that lotion you bought when you were 27.  You are not going to use it.  Scan in all those old photos and toss the originals and you’ve got almost an entire new closet (which you won’t fill with new stuff).  Recycle the holiday cards.  Put all the cute artwork in a keepsake box in one place.  No guilt allowed.  Imagine everything you toss or donate will be used by someone who will treasure it and use it far more than you would have.

Before you commit to anything, think hard about why you are doing it.  Do you want someone’s approval? Do you feel that you should? Is it for someone else or for you? Do you enjoy this thing? You do not need to do anything beyond being your amazing self.  You don’t need to learn something new unless you want to.  You don’t need to volunteer for something out of worry that no one else will.  You don’t need to show effort toward a cause in order to prove anything.  Be YOU, which will naturally invoke joy and pleasure in all tasks.

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Essentialism and the pursuit of less

daisy kksimplyinspiredExactly how do you pursue less?

The underlying premise of essentialism is that you just can’t fit it all in.  At some point you’ve got to be selective.  I realize now that I can’t devote my best self to the most important things if I’m spread too thin.  There are finite limits to time and energy, which I’m just now learning but some people seem to already realize.  🙂

We already know that trying to get everything done leads to all kinds of trouble and stress. It’s soooo hard for me to say no to people and projects but so far I’m doing well.  Slowly starting but I think it will build and get easier.

I don’t really have experience in saying no to people (or myself, really).  Since I used to say yes to everything no matter what, for now I’m saying no to everything and everyone. Eventually it’ll even out to where I can judge appropriate opportunities as they arise and make good decisions.

For instance, just last night I read about a class that sounded perfect for me and I almost enrolled, but then I remembered that I’m not adding anything else right now.  I wasn’t too disappointed.  In a few seconds, I said goodbye to a few hours a week and then got them right back!

Greg McKeown, who wrote Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, says he didn’t write a book called “No ism.” Rather, his book is about “getting clarity about what is essential so then you can start to negotiate and have a conversation about which things should be deprioritized so that the most important thing(s) get done.”

 

How to become an essentialist

McKeown suggests 3 principles in becoming an essentialist: 1) create space to explore what is essential to you (quarterly evaluative retreat); 2) eliminate non-essentials – make a daily list of top 6 to-dos and then cross off the bottom 5 – then you have your main priority of the day.  3) re-allocate resources you’ve eliminated and put them to work on what’s most important – design a proactive routine rather than reacting to the day.

He also says we need to become the CEO of our own lives.  If we don’t, there are many other people who will step in and take that role.  In that quarterly evaluation (out of your normal environment), ask yourself: 1) what are some of my achievements in the past 90 days? 2) where do I want to be 90 days from now? 3) what are the tradeoffs I need to make in order to achieve those?

nemacolin roadI think that distance must be why I can come home from a vacation and have the perspective to make big changes right away.

That routine for the first hour of each day: maybe you always start each day intentionally by exercising or studying or meditating or writing – rather than reaching for email and getting pulled in to other people’s priorities. Maybe you start in on that one priority you’ve already identified.  (This is much harder to do as a parent, I think! We are subject to someone else’s needs right away unless we purposefully wake up before they do.)

Later in the day, we have decision (and discipline) fatigue.  Starting the morning on the most important thing (that has already been decided) is KEY to success.

What is your priority?

It’s so true… you can’t make the contribution you want if you’re exhausted and pulled in too many directions.  So back to those priorities… let’s look at what those are and focus on those. Then we will be most helpful and truly shine.

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