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Winter break, introvert style

Posted on January 7, 2016 by Naomi

Sure, it’s nice to have a different schedule for awhile. It’s nice for my daughter to have a break from school and to separate from those friends for a couple weeks. It’s absolutely great for Mr. B to slow down from his frantic pace and frequent travel.

But…

Winter break means 17 days (that’s 255 waking kid-time hours) t o g e t h e r.

Introverts need space. In order to recharge our energy after being together, no matter what we were doing together, we require a little time alone to refuel. I thought I was smart in setting up some personal boundaries for myself in advance. Sweet Girl (I’m just going to start calling her SG here, ok?) went to an art camp for a few hours each day and Mr. B went to work. All was moving along swimmingly.

Until it wasn’t. Now I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I love my family and I love playing Battleship and Princess Uno and watching High School Musical 1 and 2 and 3 as much as any mom. It’s just that the constant togetherness started to annoy me. When I was being followed around the house, even to the bathroom, constantly, I began to fray around the edges.

Then we went on a Disney cruise. (I could probably stop there and you’d get the point.) Maybe I was the only one of my family (and ~~anyone~~ everyone else I told about the cruse) that was NOT looking forward to a week away from home, with 2000 other travelers, mostly children, with animated plastic people walking among us all week. I don’t love parties on a good day, but a Pirate party or New Years party in confined spaces with fireworks and loud music and no escape except overboard? Yikes. And SG is usually afraid of characters in masks and costumes. Like seriously afraid. So I wasn’t particularly looking forward to someone jumping into my arms every few minutes because she sees Goofy coming.

I notice that in situations like this, not only do I retreat inward, but I appear so unlike myself that Mr. B starts to think we’re going to need an emergency trip to the psychiatrist. This is us the days prior to going on the cruise: My to-do list included a few hundred tasks involving preparing the house, animals, and petsitter, packing myself and my daughter, paying all the bills, charging all the devices, emptying the refrigerator, making sure we had sunscreen, bug spray, small bills, travel documents, luggage tags, etc. Mr B’s to-do list included packing himself and getting everyone out of the house so I wouldn’t snap at anyone because I needed personal space. (It may have also had something to do with it being just prior to getting my period, which we all know is not the best of times.)

Castaway Cay, Disney’s private island in the Bahamas

To make a long story short(ish), obviously I didn’t jump or throw anyone overboard. There were ~~some~~ many times when SG was so anxious that I thought she was having a panic attack or something, but for the most part, she loved the trip. SG and I ended up sleeping in the same bed. I didn’t get much time alone or just with Mr. B. But we had fun, made family memories, and SG had an absolute blast.

And now she’s in school again! I am loving life, soaking in the quiet, resting, catching up, and finally unwinding.

So that’s what’s been happening over here. How are things “in your neck of the woods?”

Oh, and Happy New Year from me (and Brewer the dolphin)!

Atlantis Dolphin Encounter, Nassau, Bahamas

Posted in Motherhood, Photography | Tagged Disney cruise, introvert, separation anxiety, space, travel | 5 Comments

It’s like I forgot how to read!

Posted on January 4, 2016 by Naomi

December, where did you go? It’s unusual to have read only 4 books in a month, yet I can’t remember doing anything else before falling asleep each night. I guess I could only read a page or two before conking out. Lol.

The Light of the World: A Memoir by Elizabeth Alexander

Alexander is a poet and professor. This is a beautifully written memoir about the time before and after her husband’s death. Even though I know the outcome, I was strongly hoping for a different one. Her words about love and loss and her words about her husband make this a brave yet tender love story.

“His relationship to language also said everything about his respect for others, his sense of all of us as connected global citizens, and his constant curiosity to learn and then amalgamate different ways of thinking and being in the world.”

A Year Without “Made in China”: One Family’s True Life Adventure in the Global Economy by Sara Bongiorni

The U.S. imports more than $2.2 trillion in goods from all over the world. About 15% comes from China. This book sets out to answer the questions: Is China really the economic steamroller we think it is? Is it possible to go an entire year without purchasing something made in China?

This book is full of humorous personal anecdotes (“small human dramas”) about trying to find non-Chinese kids’ tennis shoes, birthday presents, a coffee pot, an office lamp, and other somewhat necessary household items. Bongiorni realizes how many businesses have been put under because they simply couldn’t compete with the cheap prices. (What I loved also was that she condemns Walmart for doing the same thing to many suppliers. I do not shop there anymore.)

Essentially, this book is about globalization. “Low wages, currency manipulation, and government subsidies help explain China’s place as the world’s top producer of consumer goods. So does the mind-boggling output of Chinese factories with more than 50,000 fast and energetic workers. As many as 2 million Americans have lost their jobs to Chinese competition.”

“China is the world’s largest producer of televisions, DVD players, cell phones, shoes, clothing, lamps, and sports equipment. It makes roughly 95 percent of all the video games and holiday decorations imported into the United States and nearly 100 percent of the dolls and stuffed animals sold here—an inconvenient fact for a family like ours with small children.”

You really can’t enjoy the unfolding of this book and her experiences without looking around your own house or stores and wondering about where it’s all headed. Is it a good or bad thing to be so dependent on such low-quality imports?

“My new connection to China explains another unforeseen benefit of our year without China. I was transformed as a consumer. I became mindful of the choices I was making. Shopping became something it never had been in decades of drifting through malls: meaningful. My hope is that readers will use my family’s experience to better understand how China is quietly changing their own lives and how the choices we all make as consumers shape China’s place in the world, and our own.”

How’s Your Faith?: An Unlikely Spiritual Journey by David Gregory

This is a personal memoir covering the answer to becoming who he most wants to be and what faith means to him. The title comes from something President Bush (W) said to him one day after an interview. Gregory explores faith as he grows in his career, marriage, and parenthood. I enjoyed seeing certain news and political situations through his eyes. Gregory’s willingness to be vulnerable and truthful makes this worth the read.

“Like President Bush, I came late to real belief. I was in my late thirties when I set off on the religious journey that has led to my personal transformation. Through my faith, I have learned about my failings, and how they impact the people around me, and why it matters to be better. I have tried to grow and change, even transform where necessary. I still fail, but I’m still committed to growing in faith and belief.”

The Gift of Travel: The Best of Travelers’ Tales

Thank you (again) to Janet for this recommendation. These are stories from all over the world, full of experiences that compel me to get moving! That we rarely return from a trip unchanged is the reason for going.

Posted in Books, Books - Monthly Reports, Quotations | Tagged David Gregory, Elizabeth Alexander, faith, Made in China, marriage, memoir, parenthood, Sara Bongiorni, Travelers Tales, widow | 5 Comments

Wrapping up a transformative year

Posted on December 29, 2015 by Naomi

Am I the same person I was this time last year? Hopefully we’ve all changed for the better. There have been big a few deep shifts and realizations for me that I’d like to share with you, including some links to my favorite posts.

Rather than concrete accomplishments, which I do have as well, as we wrap up the year I am focusing on the realization that some important perspectives have shifted for me. One of the Notes from the Universe e-mails I got a few months ago said something like, “You’ve done everything you have to do; now focus on what you want to do.” I have been pondering just what that means.

I am finally at a spot along the path where I can pause. I don’t know that I’ve ever had that opportunity. There was school, career, and all-encompassing motherhood. Now that Sweet Girl is 7, she is able to do some things for herself. We are probably far from “See ya later mom… I’m going to my room for a few hours,” but we are much better than we ever were before. (Thank the heavens! Sound the trumpets! Sleeping all night, going in to school on her own, and playing by herself are like gifts from above.)

We are fortunate financially that I can choose how to spend my time. At first there was pressure (internal) to fill it with online art and photography classes until I hadn’t a spare second. Then there was volunteering to a mad degree. Now there is peace. I am unsure what will come next but I’m not anxious about it anymore. I am letting my online courses come to their end and not signing up for anything more. I’d like to come to a point where I have days with nothing particular on my to-do list. At least, since I have not had any like that, I think I’d like that.

Another shift is letting things go after doing my best to help. Rather than dwell extensively on school shootings or refugee violence, which actually harms me and those around me, I am taking positive steps toward making each situation better and then seeking a sense of calm in the storm. I felt good about sending flowers and contributions for the families of the CO shootings and then stop obsessing.

On a less global scale, I truly believe that smiling at people, talking with strangers in a store checkout line as if we live in a small town and we are next-door neighbors, caring for my literal neighbors by tossing their newspaper up to their porch, and generally leaving situations better than I found them can make a difference. Just being me is making a positive impact somehow.

This fall and thanksgiving, I didn’t put up any decorations, mainly because I didn’t want to spend time on digging them out and putting them up only to have to take them down soon after. But Mr. B mentioned it later and said he loves the festive feeling at our house when we do take the time to incorporate fun decorations. I love that the effort really makes that much of a difference to my family. I realized that the truly little things like clean laundry and warm family meals at the end of the day really do make a welcoming feeling to someone who has been traveling all week or at school all day. Creating that sense of home is something I value.

And perhaps the biggest shift this year – the ability to simply enjoy. Enjoy smiles and laughter. Enjoy dinners around the kitchen table. Enjoy being together no matter what we are doing and no matter who I am with. Appreciate the sunshine and the gifts in my life. Even appreciate the challenges for what they are trying to teach me.

Half a year has passed since my 40th birthday. That in itself is a shock because it seems like I barely blinked since then! I have filled those moments mostly with hectic rushing and worry, and for what? I will make this next half a year much more purposeful and peaceful.

I would like to care less about what people think of me, live more in line with what I value most, worry less, and spend more time appreciating my life.

Here are some concrete accomplishments off the top of my head:

Major home decluttering project – streamlined kitchen, toys, closets, media collection, emptied garage.
Completed play therapy sessions for Sweet Girl’s separation anxiety.
Spoke up for my own need for quiet house during the day… Mr. B rents an office when he’s in town.
Began studying Mussar.
Had several parenting breakthroughs… still awaiting one on how to bring her down slightly from thinking she’s the center of the universe!
Finished teaching religious school.
Turned 40.
Enjoyed trips to Colorado, Florida, and Italy and Croatia.
Completed Dressing Your Truth course.
Lost 28 pounds.
Sweet Girl in first grade = more confident, reading on her own
Ran a successful school book fair
Accepted abundance, began letting things go even if not perfect, looking to enjoy experiences more.

STATS:

As far as blog stats go, this is my 93rd post this year. I’ve been blogging for a few weeks shy of 5 YEARS with a total of 791 posts!! The most popular post in 2015 was Soulful home: more is less (429 views) and the one with the most comments (30) was April reading roundup.

I love this stuff! Here are a few of my favorite posts from this year:

CREATIVITY:

Do what ignites your soul: a permission slip for stay-at-home moms

PARENTING:

PERFECTIONISM:

ENERGY:

SPIRITUALITY:

And, of course, MONTHLY BOOK REPORTS

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS!!

Posted in Mindfulness, Motherhood, Spirituality, Writing | Tagged decluttering, Dressing Your Truth, Happy New Year, separation anxiety, SoulSpace, travel, year-end goals | 5 Comments

Photo edits: before and after

Posted on December 24, 2015 by Naomi

Thanks for your comments on my Amelia Island post. I thought you might enjoy looking at pictures before and after I edited them. I didn’t do anything too major either. Adjusting levels, contrast, saturation, and sharpness in Photoshop makes a huge difference.

Some I think you need to see larger in order to appreciate the difference.

Posted in Photography | Tagged Amelia Island, before and after, Florida, pictures | 3 Comments

Energy boundaries

Posted on December 22, 2015 by Naomi

One of the benefits of knowing your Energy Type is that it gives you complete permission to be yourself. For many people, it helps their life makes sense. It means that you are PERFECT being YOU! So what about when someone comes into your life and tries to take away that specialness?

From Carol’s book, Dressing Your Truth, Discover Your Type of Beauty:

Discover why you do what you do.
Identify your personal strengths.
Eliminate your greatest challenges.
Learn in the best way for you.

“Physical science recognizes second chakra energy as the law of cause and effect (for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction) and the law of magnetism (oppositely charged objects attract). Applied to relationships, these laws mean that we generate patterns of energy that attract people who are opposite us in some way, who have something to teach. Nothing is random; prior to every relationship we have ever formed, we opened the door with energy that we were generating.”

This means that every person you interact with has come into your life to serve some purpose… to teach you something, to show you how NOT to handle something, to draw out a quality within yourself.

In order to life a creative life, or really to have any sense of peace, you’ve got to put in place some boundaries. I’ve long been that person whose personality melds with the one I’m currently interacting with. I used to wonder exactly who I was because I seemed to become different people depending on who I was with. Now I know that, being an empath, this is normal. I have to carve out separateness for myself to let go of that and find myself again. If I don’t do this necessary recalibration often, I start to wilt. Literally.

I think it’s hugely brave to be able to state something about yourself and be able to stand by it no matter what the reaction. And it takes real courage to stand up for your convictions no matter who you disappoint. When we discussed being a people-pleaser here on the blog, I realized how few the times are that I’ve been able to be fully true to myself in that way, but that when I did, it felt like a huge relief. Now I seek that feeling of rightness more and more…

Posted in Photography | Tagged energy, people, relationships | Leave a comment

Amelia Island escape

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Naomi

We enjoyed time with our family on Thanksgiving day, cleaned the kitchen, and hopped on a plane just the two of us. I love quick little escapes like this. It was a perfect chance to reconnect after being apart much of the past few months.

Amelia Island, Florida, is a barrier island, which means it’s constantly changing. The reason it has such abundant shells is due to the fact that the current beach was once an elaborate marshland millions of years ago.

Much of our time there it was overcast and rainy…

The photo below I sent in to the city’s tourism PR people… I think it’s so cool.

We saw a beautiful sunset over the ocean too. The ebb and flow of the tide here is much more dramatic than anywhere I’ve ever seen, often leaving exposed beach that an hour before was under water.

The harbor sunset was pretty cool too.

Wouldn’t you know it… the morning of our departure day was bright and beautiful.

Thanks for coming along on my photo tour. Next week, I’ve got some “before and after” photos to show you. I only had my iphone with me on the trip, but a little work in Photoshop and the light and color can be emphasized. Stay tuned!