Being difficult

I make things harder for myself with a quick decision that later comes back to bite me in the tush.  Sweet Girl suggested 2 weeks ago that I put together a little scrapbook for Mr. B’s birthday with some important moments to remember.  I think we envisioned it to be a cute 20 page book, one photo on each page, each a momentous event.  One wedding picture, one honeymoon picture, one 40th birthday photo… you get the idea.

What I have just completed is nothing like that original vision, having buried myself in photo archives for days.  I am emerging from the land of Photoshop and squinting at the computer screen for so long I get dizzy with a 64-page, 8×10 comprehensive album. Comprehensive being the key word here.  I covered all 17 years of our life together in this keepsake, and I’m very proud of it.

Why do I do this??? My muscles hurt. I’m super tired.  I was in some sort of time warp where I’d sit down to the computer and all of a sudden 7 hours had passed.

Originally my motivation was to allow Mr. B the occasion to reminisce.  On birthdays especially, he loves to talk about where we were x number of years ago.  I could see how happy he’d be looking through the book, remembering our first trip together, our engagement party, our wedding, our daughter being born, all the way up to her 7th birthday party just last week.  Lots of these occasions were pre-digital photos, so I sifted through boxes of photos and scanned them in.

Then I thought this book would be great for both of us when we can’t remember what year we did something.  We could have a record of every experience in one place!

And of course, for Sweet Girl to see how we met, dated, married, and how she has evolved… that’d be super cool.  Sometimes I tell her we’ve done something before and she doesn’t remember, so this will be way easier to reference than each annual scrapbook I’ve made of her.

So the book got more detailed.  The first few pages have about 5 or 6 photos on each.  The last 50 pages ended up with maybe 70 photos on each page, overlapping and tilted and looking like the full life we lead now.

If I had to make this book for someone else, I would charge $1400.  It is that huge of a task.  Of course, who would pay that and really, I’d most likely decline the project because the joy of it was in reviewing each memory and smiling to myself all the while.

I did get sick of the project halfway through because it took a huge chunk of time.  Now that it’s done, I have ordered it and can hardly wait to see it, wrap it, and watch Mr. B and Sweet Girl look through it and remember all the fun we’ve had and all we have been through together.

I use Blurb’s program to create and order books.  Here’s a coupon good through Thursday if you want to make one for the holidays.

Posted in Creativity | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

As she turns 7 – parenting in the age of YouTube

GymboreeSweet Girl turns 7 this week.  I wouldn’t have thought it to be such a change, but the past few months have brought sassiness and drama into our lives for the first time.  I blame You Tube, but it’s got to be her friends too (or her friends watching the same videos).  For instance, I had no idea that kids actually say “OMG.” I know we write it sometimes in text messages, but I’d never heard anyone say it. Like out loud.  It sounds ridiculous (or as my daughter would say, “ridic”). In what sense are they in such a time crunch that they need to abbreviate???

I was looking through photos from the first couple of years of being parents, surprised that the girl in the photos is absolutely nothing like the girl we have now, aside from the intensity.  I felt proud of and grateful for the time I spent with her and also sad that that little cutie is gone.  Partly I guess it’s scary to me that then I controlled her environment but now I can only shape so much of her and allow life to do the rest.

Some of the videos she likes to watch are of people opening toys and showing what’s inside and how it all works, girls doing DIY projects of school supplies or home items, any craft or cooking how-to or contest, and behind-the-scenes takes of movies and shows she likes. Actually, her favorite is a home tour, followed closely by a “what’s in my wallet” tour… random, I know.  I guess that’s where she gets all her funny accents and ideas.  She’s also been saying “what the…” and I just this second realized that she does not know that there’s another word that follows!

I asked her last night what she wants this upcoming year to be for her.  She said she wants to be a teenager this year.  I kid you not! I told her that she should enjoy right now because once she is a teenager, she’ll wish she were older still.  There’s always something else to long for, right? I think she wants the hair and nails and phone of a teenage girl.  🙂

IMG_1667Luckily, she still wants to marry Mr. B, snuggle with us all the time, read stories together, and be with us 24/7.  I never thought I’d say that last part but I do see a time when she slams her bedroom door and blasts music, with me dumbfounded and having no idea how to handle her.

Ah, parenthood.

I see her caring much more about friendships and other people, and it’s fascinating to watch her struggle with other personalities.  I hear about know-it-alls in her classroom and bossiness on the playground.  When I was young, I was so shy and timid that I’d never have spoken up about some things that Sweet Girl does, with our encouragement.  Yesterday she said that she finally told a demanding friend at recess that she will not do everything she says to do.   You go, girl! Yes, that other girl walked away to play with someone else, but that’s ok!

I can see that she’s gained huge confidence from learning to read chapter books and do math and print all the letters and generally absorb like a sponge the world around her.  Maybe she will never be one to put dirty clothes in the hamper or be bothered by a mess.  I’m not giving up though.  I hope she will continue to be her lively and extroverted self even when she’s with people like me who need her to take the party to the other room.

In this next year, I hope to be more “in the moment” when I’m with her and less “in my head.” I do worry so much about who she will become but would like to just go with it, assuming she will be a good person and thus enjoying her for what she brings to our lives.  I would like to find a way to impart moral lessons without inducing eye rolling.  Yes, we’ve arrived at that too.  I’m not ready!

Posted in Motherhood | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

Wanderlust at home: November books

Nov books

November was so full I don’t know how I read anything! Now the school book fair is over (smashing success), the kitty is healthy, the new car is purchased, the house guests are gone, and the neighborhood party complete (another success).  We have a somewhat busy December but I am relaxing big time.  Nothing seems to be as harried as last month.  I plan to wholly enjoy my daughter’s birthday, watching her open Chanukah gifts, and our travel experiences together.

I didn’t plan it at all, but in compiling these reviews I notice that many of these books are set elsewhere.  My Wish List takes place in a small French town.  Nick Kristoff’s research took him all over the globe.  Driving Hungry is set first in Buenos Aires, then New York City, and finally Berlin. Paris, He Said is rather obvious.  And Station Eleven is it’s own geography entirely.

I do love traveling more than just about anything, besides reading about it.  Mr. B and I have a long list of adventures to undertake.  Hmm.

My Wish List: A Novel by Gregoire Delacourt

What if you won enough money to change your life? Would you do what this storyteller does and not tell anyone and not change anything? What an interesting concept! Out of fear that her life would change drastically in a downward direction, she keeps mum but her husband finds out anyway…

“I reread the list of what I need, and it strikes me that wealth means being able to buy everything on it all at once, from the potato peeler to the flat-screen TV, by way of the coat from Caroll’s and the nonslip mat for the bath. Go home with everything on the list, destroy the list and tell myself: Right, there we are, there’s nothing else I need. All I have left from now on are wishes. Only wishes. But that never happens. Because our needs are our little daily dreams. The little things to be done that project us into tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the future; trivial things that we plan to buy next week, allowing us to think that next week we’ll still be alive. It’s the need for a nonslip bath mat that keeps us going. Or for a couscous steamer. A potato peeler. So we stagger our purchases. We program the places where we’ll go for them. Sometimes we draw comparisons. An expensive iron versus a cheaper iron. We fill our cupboards slowly, our drawers one by one. You can spend your life filling a house, and when it’s full you break things so that you can replace them and have something to do the next day. You can even go so far as to break up a relationship in order to project yourself into another story, another future, another house.”

A Path Appears: Transforming Lives, Creating Opportunity by Nicholas D. Kristof, Sheryl Wudunn

“We crave meaning and purpose in life, and one way to find it is to connect to a cause larger than ourselves. This book is about innovators who are using research, evidence-based strategies, and brilliant ideas of their own to prevent violence, improve health, boost education, and spread opportunity at home and around the world—and to suggest to the rest of us specific ways in which we too can make a difference in the world.”

How can we do a better job of making a difference with our efforts and philanthropy? I read this book in preparation for attending an event where Kristof and his wife were speaking about their work around the world and some of the researchers and programs they have been part of.  In their first book, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, they addressed how the repression of women and girls around the world hinders families and whole economies.  Now they take it further to look at other roadblocks to success and how we can help people overcome them.

It’s a fascinating look at some simple ideas and how extraordinary change comes about. The importance of early intervention and education cannot be overstated.  Highly recommend.

Driving Hungry: A Memoir by Layne Mosler

Thank you to Janet for this recommendation!

“We’re so focused on where we’re coming from and where we’re going,” I told him, “on getting from A to B. Most of the time we’re not paying any attention to what happens between A and B. On a taxi adventure, you have to pay attention. It’s all about the in-between.”

A three-city travel memoir about love, adventure, and discovering what’s most important. Mosler’s descriptive words bring the flavors she experiences front and center and invoked a wanderlust in me! I’ve never been to Buenos Aires or Berlin and they are now on my list.

“It had taken me a while, but I was finally realizing that affinity with a city was not about aesthetics (or pace, or cosmopolitanism, or lack thereof). It was about the way a place made you feel, or, more precisely, what it elicited from you. Just like a person, I thought. Every person brings out something different in us. But how often did a person, or a place, encourage you—better yet, implore you—to come as you were?”

Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids by Anne Semans, Cathy Winks

Body image.  Double standards.  Identity shift. Media images.  Time.  Hormones.  Confidence.  There is so much that goes into our self-image when we become mothers.  Since becoming a mom, I am so much more in awe of and comfortable in my body.  I don’t have nearly as many hangups as I used to.  I turned to this book for it’s tips, stories, and practical information on juggling schedules and kids and still having an intimate relationship.  This is an excellent and encouraging book.

The authors write, “Motherhood is also an amazing opportunity to create a richer and more fully integrated self-image. Many women discover that they now feel more whole, and have a greater appreciation for the spirituality inherent in sexuality.”

“Every woman’s self-image gets an overhauling in the transition to motherhood, and sexuality is just one of the aspects of your identity that is temporarily dismantled. It takes a while to complete a transformation that allows you to feel true to yourself; in fact, it’s an ongoing process.”

Paris, He Said by Christine Sneed

A young artist in Manhattan is invited by her art gallery owner/lover to move to Paris and live with him… an offer too romantic to refuse.  But as the story unfolds, we learn that it isn’t as perfect as it sounds at first.  When you actually get what you’ve always wanted…

“I think it’s true that the people we open ourselves up to, whether as friends or as lovers—we choose these people with some calculation, conscious or not. Maybe they dress well and seem delighted by life all the time, things we wish we did too; maybe they are wealthy and will be generous materially with us because we are poorer; maybe they are beautiful and make us look closer to beautiful when we are with them, smiling and laughing too. Though sometimes these hopes do not work out so well; their wealth and beauty might underscore our relative poverty and plainness. We end up resenting them for not making us happier, for not making us look better, but this seems such a cynical way to view the world and how we interact with each other.”

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

I have no idea how I came to this one.  It’s different for me to read sci fi.  This is a apocalypse collection of interlocking stories that surprised me in it’s beauty.  It’s remarkably humbling how quickly things in society could fall apart.  How would we adjust? Fascinating!

“On silent afternoons in his brother’s apartment, Jeevan found himself thinking about how human the city is, how human everything is.  We bemoaned the impersonality of the modern world, but that was a lie, it seemed to him; it had never been impersonal at all.  There had always been a massive delicate infrastructure of people, all of them working unnoticed around us, and when people stop going to work, the entire operation grinds to a halt.  No one delivers fuel to the gas stations or the airports.  Cars are stranded.  Airplanes cannot fly.  Trucks remain at their points of origin.  Food never reaches the cities; grocery stores close.  Businesses are locked and then looted.  No  one comes to work at the power plants or the substations, no one removes fallen trees from electrical lines.  Given was standing by the window when the lights went out.”

On Clark’s Museum of Civilization:

“There seemed to be a limitless number of objects in the world that had no practical use but that people wanted to preserve: cell phones with their delicate buttons, iPads, Tyler’s Nintendo console, a selection of laptops.  There were a number of impractical shoes, stilettos mostly, beautiful and strange.  There were three car engines in a row, cleaned and polished, a motorcycle composed mostly of gleaming chrome.  Traders brought things for Clark sometimes, objects of no real value that they knew he would like: magazines and newspapers, a stamp collection, coins.  There were the passports or the driver’s licenses or sometimes the credit cards of people who had lived at the airport and then died.”

Posted in Books, Books - Monthly Reports, Quotations | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Not doing it all and definitely not at 100%

sunny dayHi friends.  I have been missing you so I thought I’d pop in to say hey and see how everyone’s doing.  Thank you to those of you who reached out to see where I’ve been.

The school book fair is DONE! Whew it’s a lot of work! From pre-sale gift certificates and conference call planning to the class preview days to the actual L O N G week of sales to wrapping it all up and calculating the financials… when it was over I didn’t want to see another child or hear another voice for at least 24 hours.  I spent maybe 50 hours there and I didn’t sleep much last week, probably from the adrenaline of it all, plus having to be at school by 7am each day with my daughter.  Luckily Mr. B was in town at the beginning and at the very end of the week to help with that.  It was a lot of standing and moving and my body was in extreme protest and I’m still recouping.

But… I gained so much from the experience.  I met almost all the school’s teachers and faculty and many other parents.  I feel involved and appreciated.  I have a boatload of ideas for how to make next year even better.  Yes, I’m excited about doing it again.  🙂

Somewhere in there also since I’ve been away were hosting a very successful neighborhood block party, taking the Daisy troop to Disney on Ice, and various meetings and birthday parties and doctor appointments.

Next up is hosting Thanksgiving, a long-needed trip alone with Mr. B, various meetings at school and with some faith leaders and our mayoral candidates re: handling city issues, a Daisy Scouts meeting, girl scout cookie training (shoot me now please), a 7th birthday party, some home repair projects, Chanukah gifts and festivities, some travel and some visitors, and all that December brings.

Mr. B sometimes hears my to-do list and asks me if all that absolutely must happen today. Mostly it doesn’t.  So I’m seeing what can be dropped from my list.  For Thursday, I’ve ordered in fajitas (I absolutely despise the traditional meal’s foods).  Holiday cards might not get hand-addressed this year.  We may not make it to that mid-week 6pm dance class performance.  Dinner may be outsourced.  Who knows!

Since being out of the house for over a week, today I’m looking around at all the stuff we have and tossing junk and running a carload of knickknacks to Good Will.  Who knew I had three jugs of dishwashing soap from 2007 that was hiding in the cabinets above the washer/drier???

So thanks for your patience as we get through this busy season.  I’ll be in and out through the next few weeks as I can.  I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Xmas, Winter Solstice (or Summer Debra!), or whatever makes you happy.

It’s new for me to be ok with doing things halfway.  Honestly, there’s only so much one person can do! I can’t help everyone with their projects and host perfect events with a clean house and still get rest and time with my family.  Well, I could if people don’t mind coming for Thanksgiving and having no forks.

Posted in Home, Mindfulness | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments

Wishing you the best

trees and sky

Walking to school yesterday morning, I looked up at the sky and could hardly believe how resplendent it seemed.  I realized that I don’t look up nearly enough.  Looking down at my phone’s calendar and to-do lists isn’t nearly as fulfilling.

Since I frequently write about being kind to yourself and listening to your intuition, I think it’s wise to take a dose of my own medicine.  Life has been crazy.  Good, but hectic.  I’ve been managing multiple commitments and juggling events and not getting enough rest. So… I am taking blogging off my to-do list for the next 3 weeks, just until things settle down and I can do one thing at a time again.

I wish each of you a fulfilling few weeks.  Mwah.

Posted in Mindfulness, Photography | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Abundance

 

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.” ~Wayne Dyer

new car bow-001One thing I believe I’m supposed to learn in this lifetime is that I am worthy… of true friends and their love, of time to have fun and relax, of my home and the goodness inside it, and just abundance in general.  Most days I feel overwhelming gratitude for it all.  I read about girls on the far side of the globe who have to walk two hours to school and think how fortunate I am to have been born into a family in the US who believe strongly in education. I hear about human trafficking and feel such relief that I don’t have any experience with it aside from local activism groups I’m part of and some books I’ve read.  And on and on.

I realize that coming to terms with abundance sounds like a good challenge to have. Becoming comfortable with it is a slow process for me because it taps into so many other issues of self-worth, self-esteem, and even fears that if something good happens now, will something bad follow later? So much goodness seems unlikely and hard to accept.

I heard Brené Brown say on Oprah that when she was on her flight from Houston to Chicago to do that first show, wouldn’t it have been just peachy if her plane went down, just as she was about to meet Oprah… so her solution was to focus on gratitude.  For her life up to then, her family, and for the opportunity itself. Gratitude is the opposite of fear.

Sonia Choquette says in this short video that the more you receive goodness, the more it amplifies.  Pay attention to good things that come your way.  What do you receive and are you comfortable with it? Abundance = expect it, accept it.

Fortunate-001I say thank you for all the gifts.  Thank you for my family’s health.  Thank you for the sunshine and the rain.  Thank you for the ability to travel to interesting places.  Thank you for a life partner who respects and loves me.  Thank you for a life of relative ease and peace of mind.

I hope with all sincerity that my life is a blessing for others.  Going about my day, I strive to live up to what I’ve been given.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Posted in Mindfulness, Quotations | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments