Whew! December was a wonderful whirlwind. I just finished two big papers for classes and am about to enter my last Hebrew class of this term. In case you can’t tell by the books below, one class was in Diasporas and the other about Jewish views of the afterlife. I’m going to be enjoying family and friends until 2023 so I’m posting this early.

I wish you a happy holiday season and new year! 🙂

Here’s what I finished in December:

Jews Don’t Count by David Baddiel

Baddiel argues that those who think of themselves as on the right side of history have often ignored the history of anti-Semitism. He outlines why and how, in a time of intensely heightened awareness of minorities, Jews don’t count as a real minority: and why they should.

An Island Called Home: Returning to Jewish Cuba by Ruth Behar

A personal and photographic portrait of a community that many have seen though few have understood. This book is the first to show both the vitality and the heartbreak that lie behind the project of keeping alive the flame of Jewish memory in Cuba.

Diasporas in the Contemporary World by Milton J. Esman

This comprehensive new book seeks to explain why Diaspora communities are increasing as never before. In an accessible and engaging introduction to the field, Milton Esman looks closely at the difference in the reception of Diaspora communities throughout the world, and the responses of those communities to their new nations. By focusing on ten examples of contemporary Diasporas from Asia, the Middle East, Europe and the Americas, the book describes and illustrates the problems confronting immigrant communities as they attempt to protect their inherited culture, while coping with the demands and the opportunities they encounter in their adopted country. The book pays particular attention to the types of conflicts that arise from the development of Diaspora communities, and the consequences that these conflicts can have on the international community.

The Death of Death by Neil Gillman

Gillman outlines the evolution of Jewish thought about bodily resurrection and spiritual immortality.

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi

The National Book Award winning history of how racist ideas were created, spread, and deeply rooted in American society.

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

The one book I read for fun! I enjoyed this on audiobook. From Modern Mrs. Darcy: “Damon Fields, known as Demon Copperhead for his red hair, grows up impoverished in the southern Appalachian mountains in Virginia. We first meet him at age 11 and then follow along as his mother becomes addicted to opioids, he goes through the foster care system, and later wrestles with substance abuse himself. Just as David Copperfield was an impassioned work of social activism, this examines the ravages in southwestern Virginia and how the people Demon loves and identifies with are oppressed by those who have power. It’s a big book and it’s worth every page.” 

Black Jews in Africa and the Americas by Tudor Parfitt

Black Jews in Africa and the Americas tells the fascinating story of how the Ashanti, Tutsi, Igbo, Zulu, Beta Israel, Maasai, and many other African peoples came to think of themselves as descendants of the ancient tribes of Israel. 

Jewish Views of the Afterlife by Simcha Paull Raphael

4000 years of Jewish thought on the afterlife by investigating pertinent sacred texts produced in each era. Thru a compilation of ideas found in the Bible, Apocrypha, rabbinic literature, medieval philosophy, medieval Midrash, Kabbalah & Hasidism, readers learn how Judaism conceived of the fate of the individual after death throughout history.

Home Lands: Portraits of the New Jewish Diaspora by Larry Tye

The Jewish world is being reshaped and revitalized. Tye tells the story of the new Jewish diaspora. Tye picked seven Jewish communities from Boston to Buenos Aires and Dusseldorf to Dnepropetrovsk deep in the Ukraine, and in each he zeroes in on a single family or congregation whose tale reflects the wider community’s history and current situation.

How on earth are the months moving past so quickly??? I have been very busy with classes this month and have read a lot, but I’ve only finished a handful of books. I did, however —

• learn a great deal about Morocco’s Jewish history
• complete a mixed-media art piece of what I think the Afterworld looks like
• travel to Asheville, NC for a fun anniversary trip with Mr. B
• buy Taylor Swift tickets
• have lunch with a couple friends
• enjoy Turkey Day with family
• and the Astros won the World Series!!

No Cure for Being Human: And Other Truths I Need to Hear by Kate Bowler – Bowler was diagnosed with cancer at age 35. She writes with humility and hope about how she navigated the experience.

Exile: Portraits of the Jewish Diaspora by Annika Hernroth-Rothstein – I LOVED this quick read because it was authentic and a great tour of a few Jewish communities around the world. I read it for a class and enjoyed reading about forgotten communities like Sweden, Finland, Cuba, Colombia, Iran, Morocco, and Siberia.

The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning by Ernest Kurtz – An absolutely enlightening book about how AA began and about our limitations as human beings, how to find serenity and self-awareness, and includes many personal stories.

Awakenings: American Jewish Transformations in Identity, Leadership, and Belonging by Rabbi Joshua Stanton and Rabbi Benjamin Spratt – This is all about the changes happening in the American Jewish community and the opportunities to embrace some new platforms and ways to engage people in a meaningful way.

What’s happening around here?

• Houston is experiencing some beautiful Fall weather. Two weeks ago, I was forcing my family to eat some meals in the sukkah, but the mosquitos and humidity are just awful. Now… ahhhh.
• The Astros are in the World Series! It’s been fun watching the games.
• We all got our Covid boosters and flu shots, the adults voted to preserve our democracy, and we’re planning our holiday travels.
• I am taking two main classes, like for credit, and they are interesting but requiring a bit of extra focus until December 20! I have two more classes in the Spring and then I’m done with my Masters. It honestly feels like not long ago that I started it!
• I started the year of facilitating the Sunday and Thursday groups and that’s meaningful. We have some awesome new people to freshen up our discussions.
• Two more (informal) but intense classes begin in a couple weeks, just before Turkey Day. I’m excited that I was selected to be one of 10 for an advanced Mussar facilitation group. The other is Part IV of Alei Shur, a classic Mussar text by Rav Wolbe.

Here’s what I managed to finish last month and I apologize the reviews are so short. I’ve got too many books in-progress right now, some for school and some for fun. 🙂

Trust: A Novel by Hernan Diaz

This one was alternatively interesting and frustrating, but ultimately I’m glad I plowed through it. It’s kind of a puzzle to work out as layers of a story unfold, one after another. At one point, I stopped reading and Googled whether there were errors that got printed in the book by mistake, but no… that was just part of the memoir. The topic: wealth and power in New York City, up to the Great Depression. Whose perspective/story is the truth?

“Every life is organized around a small number of events that either propel us or bring us to a grinding halt. We spend the years between these episodes benefiting of suffering from their consequences until the arrival of the next forceful moment.”

“Most of us prefer to believe we are the active subjects of our victories but only the passive objects of our defeats. We triumph, but it is not really we who fail — we are ruined by forces beyond our control.”

Healthy as F*ck: The Habits You Need to Get Lean, Stay Healthy, and Kick Ass at Life by Oonagh Duncan

Listened on Chirp for $1.99. She is so funny! FIND YOUR MOTIVATION, which has always been what worked for me before. The habits she discusses here are great. Non-judgmental, realistic goals and perspective. P.S. Love your body no matter what.

Listening Still by Anne Griffin

I really liked this book about a woman who can converse with the dead soon after they die. She has to figure out who she is, what she wants, etc. Recommend.

The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller

I gave this book about 3 hours of my time and just couldn’t stand it. This woman is all about her affair… very selfish and self-absorbed.

Good Inside: A Guide To Becoming The Parent You Want To Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy

I didn’t know about Dr. Becky, who also has a podcast, but read about her in a blog and wanted to listen to his on Libro.fm. I really enjoyed Dr. Becky’s ideas. Basically… see any behavior as a symptom of an underlying feeling. The behavior itself doesn’t need to be punished… the feeling needs to be explored.

Warning: this is about connecting before you correct a child; time-outs and other punishments meant to shape behavior, which I never believed in anyway, are not recommended. A child needs help with regulating emotional upset, understanding what skills to carry forward. This book is a perspective changer!

I used this idea just this morning when my daughter answered a question with a rather rude retort. I noticed that my instinctive reaction was to feel hurt and angry, but I paused and asked myself instead, “what is going on for her underneath the surface?” Turns out, she had her own issues I didn’t even realize. When I asked in a friendly and curious voice, she shared with me her feelings. I said, “Woah, girl. No need to speak to me that way. I think something else is going on here. Would you like to share anything with me?” I am so proud of myself because had I gotten upset and defensive, I wouldn’t have gotten the full story. Kids need help with this kind of sharing of feelings, and if a parent is in the middle of their own emotion, they won’t rise above and find out what’s under the surface of their child. I was also able to use the two things are true tactic (below) in helping her navigate a conflict with one of her friends.

“Because connecting to our kids is how they learn to regulate their emotions and feel good inside, understanding will come up over and over again as a goal of communication. What’s the opposite of understanding? For this argument’s sake, it’s convincing.  Convincing is the attempt to prove a singular reality; to prove that only one thing is true. Convincing is an attempt to be right and, as a result, make the other person wrong. It rests on the assumption that there is only one correct viewpoint. When we seek to convince someone, we essentially say, “You’re wrong. You are misperceiving, misremembering, mis-feeling, mis-experiencing. Let me explain to you why I’m correct and then you’ll see the light and come around.” Convincing has one goal in mind – being right. And here’s the unfortunate consequence of being right: the other person feels unseen and unheard, at which point most people become infuriated and combative because it feels as if the other person does not accept your realness or worth. Feeling unseen and unheard makes connection impossible. Understanding (two things are true) and convincing (one thing is true) are two diametrically opposed ways of approaching other people.

“So a powerful first step in any interaction is to notice which mode you’re in. When you’re in one thing is true mode, you’re judgmental of and reactive to someone else’s experience because it feels like an assault on your own truth. As a result, you will seek to prove your own point of view, which in turn makes the other person defensive because they need to uphold the realness of their experience. In one thing is true mode, exchanges escalate quickly. Each person thinks they’re arguing about the content of the conversation when in fact they’re trying to defend that they are a real worthy person with a real truthful experience. By contrast, when we’re in two things are true mode, we are curious about and accepting of someone else’s experience and it feels like an opportunity to get to know someone better.”

The Latecomer: A Novel by Jean Hanff Korelitz

This is a story that unfolds slowly over time, but everything eventually comes together very nicely. I’d recommend it for the family dynamics and that it was narrated by Julia Whelan. Three siblings who want nothing to do with one another and couldn’t be more different eventually come together with the help of another sibling, born much later.

Voice Lessons for Parents: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Listen by Wendy Mogel

Since I just finished Mogel’s book on teens, I figured I’d listen to her read this one on Libro.fm. She too has a podcast called “Nurture vs Nurture.” Most of this book is about the younger years, but I came away with a few good reminders. Tone of voice, not asking permission, etc. Basically it’s not so much what you say, but how you say it that matters. I could have skipped this one.

Mad Honey by Jodi Picoult

“Everybody is always trying to learn, day after painful day, how to be themselves.”

I learned about gender identity a bit more in this exploration of a teen relationship, as well grew to like all the characters. Great, but intense, read.

“What makes me different at this point a Y chromosome that you can’t even see. Is that really the thing that determines the truth of the world? … I don’t think it’s an invisible chromosome or the inability to get pregnant or anything else that makes people so cruel to transgender folks. I think what they hate is difference. What they hate is that the world is complicated in ways they can’t understand. People want the world to be simple, but gender isn’t simple, much as some might want it to be. The fact that it’s complicated, that there’s a whole spectrum of ways of being in the world, is what makes it a blessing. Surely nature or God or the universe is full of miracles and wild invention and things way beyond our understanding, no matter how hard we try. We aren’t here on earth in order to bend over backward to resemble everybody else. We’re here to be ourselves in all our gnarly brilliance, which is why I feel so ashamed to be in hiding. I ought to be standing in a spotlight on the stage shouting, “I’m trans and I’m proud. Everybody shout my name!”

Dinners With Ruth: A Memoir on the Power of Friendships by Nina Totenberg

A friend recommended this to me, and I mostly enjoyed it. It may be a generational thing… meaning I’m too young to be completely absorbed by the recollections. Still, her reflections on the struggles working women in the 70’s had were a good reminder of how far we’ve come, even if we still have much farther to go. Here’s the official blurb: “Celebrated NPR correspondent Nina Totenberg delivers an extraordinary memoir of her personal successes, struggles, and life-affirming relationships, including her beautiful friendship of nearly fifty years with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”