| Page 70

SoulSpace update: what does your clutter represent?

Posted on February 19, 2015 by Naomi

These past few weeks, I have been working toward settling my frantic, to-do-list self down and finding inner peace. I know that sounds grandiose and it’s probably really quite simple. Sometimes clearing outer clutter helps clear inner clutter. Sometimes giving myself permission to relax isn’t enough and I need outer permission to take it easy. I need a guide.

I spend most of my time at home and therefore a calming, peaceful home environment that truly reflects my spirit is essential. I was gifted the lovely book SoulSpace: Transform Your Home, Transform Your Life — Creating a Home That Is Free of Clutter, Full of Beauty, and Inspired by You by my friend Amy about a year ago and I loved using it to guide me toward a home that more reflects me and my family. Now our 100-person bookclub that Amy started is on week 6, CREATE. It is a stage all about manifesting.

Marianne Williamson’s introduction to the book says it so well: “SoulSpace is about more than how we decorate our homes; it’s about how we care for ourselves. It guides us into a deeper understanding of more than mere home decoration: it teaches us how to create a home that provides not only for our physical comfort but for our emotional comfort too.”

In their new book, Breathing Room: Open Your Heart by Decluttering Your Home, Melva Green and Lauren Rosenfeld write that “your heart is like a home. The home is like a heart. And you, my friend, can make both places open, light-filled, and a joy to reside in.”

They also wisely write that…

“Our physical clutter is simply a manifestation of the emotional clutter we carry inside. If we attempt to remove the physical clutter without consciously acknowledging the emotional clutter it represents, then two things might happen. First, we might resist decluttering altogether because of the natural urge to turn away from our painful feelings. Second, we may find that even if we have the courage to remove the clutter, if we don’t mindfully and compassionately acknowledge our feelings, the physical clutter will return, because the emotions that caused the clutter want and need to be acknowledged and will manifest as physical clutter again and again until we do so. In the first step, we also introduce you to the emotions that tend to generate clutter and teach you how to loosen their hold on your heart.”

So.

In beginning this process, I had to accept that I was feeling hugely overwhelmed by the task before me. In our group, it’s been a very common theme. We have gradually encouraged each other to shift those feelings of overwhelm toward mindfulness… letting our feelings be there and acknowledging that they are valid. I have gone from there to anger (at my excess belongings and at myself for allowing it all in) to release and finally landed in peace.

What I’ve found my own piles and stacks to mean is that I was protecting myself “just in case” and also I was surrounding myself with past letters and photos because I couldn’t quite let go just yet.

For example, I was hanging on to 10 extra 11×9 baking dishes because there was still this idea in my mind that I might become more “Martha Stewart”ish and host large gatherings. Most of the kitchen items fell into this category, like they were all jumbled together in every cabinet or drawer just in case a party is called for. Well, I realized that I am not likely to ever want that party! I like simplicity and comfort. I like having one family over at a time so we can really focus on each other and talk. And it’s the same for having 5 sets of sheets, a closet full of clothes I’ll never wear, maternity clothes and baby clothes sitting in bins in the garage, etc. It was all a hypothetical life and I felt great letting that fall away, accepting the simplicity of who I am and what I want our home and our life to be in this stage.

As far as keeping sentimental items, I had to draw the line somewhere. Middle school notes passed between classes evoked good memories, but I know that those thoughts are there regardless of whether I keep the shoebox of papers or not. They already became part of me when I got them in the first place. I enjoyed reading them for 15 minutes, reflected about how much I have grown stronger and more sure of myself over the years, and tossed them. Same for old journals, yearbooks, cards, and letters. I don’t need 100 cards signed by my grandparents… one or two can represent all. I condensed 12 boxes of memorabilia down to 1, mainly deciding to keep certain things so that someday I can show them to my daughter. Also, I may make a collage with some of these special things so I can look at them and enjoy them much more than I ever could when they were hiding in a closet.

Going through these items mindfully allowed me also to uncover some aspects of myself that I want to incorporate much more of in my life. I’d forgotten how much I enjoy music. I was reminded that Judaism is hugely important to who I am and I want to make sure I live and embody those values as a role model for my daughter. (But I don’t need to keep ALL the books I had and donated them to our synagogue for someone else to study.) I let go of lots of sewing projects, but I did keep a couple in case I find time to explore that hobby again because it used to bring me much peacefulness and time to contemplate.

Eliminating the excess became an analogy for the realization I had when I was a child at a slumber party… that even if I don’t have my security blanket and special pillow, I am still quite capable and completely safe. “Stuff” can’t really keep us safe.

CREATE and the final two phases, Elevate and Celebrate, will finish giving us the opportunity to bring those important aspects of ourselves into physical manifestation in our homes. It’s about displaying those precious photos, living with your true self, being surrounded by a positive, inspiring, and enriching environment every single day.

Xorin Balbes promised at the beginning of his book that “once you face your belongings, confront your fears, unclutter your space, and discover your personal desires and truths, you will have more energy, feel more inspired, access more creativity, and find that you can harness your creativity and find refuge, renewal, and splendor within your own four walls.”

So far it’s all remarkably true.

Posted in Books, Home, Mindfulness, Quotations, Soulful Home prompts, Spirituality | Tagged Breathing Room, clutter, comfort, home, permission, Xorin Balbes | 9 Comments

Sometimes you just need time to veg

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Naomi

This is my sidekick, Mo, and this is where he and I have been hanging out the past few days. We head out to our new sunroom and we sit, he in the sun, watching the birds and the squirrels eat our birdseed and the trees sway in the breeze. I particularly adore hearing the tones of our windchime. We are content to sit here for hours.

This is new to me. I just don’t sit still very much… I prefer to be engaged in action or in mind (or both). But I am highly enjoying it! Finding that inner spiritual quiet has been enjoyable and calming. And I have long intended to do this but never actively pursued it.

Following several weeks of purging about 1/3 of our possessions, I literally have the physical space to breathe and relax. And just as I suspected, that outer world is a macrocosm of our inner world. It was necessary to clear out all the “stuff” so that I could stop focusing on all of it… moving it from here to there, organizing it into various shelves and containers, cleaning or dusting it, looking for something. Now there’s nothing more to do… we don’t own any more than we need and use and I know exactly where every single thing is! This frees up a huge chunk of time… hence the days vegging in the sunroom.

I am loving the quiet commune with nature. I’m enjoying my reflections. I like that I actually feel and inhabit each moment in the day, as opposed to my usual way of rushing from one thing to another and then wondering where the day went. I also think and feel somehow that I am supposed to do this.

I know many of you cultivate this quiet as a regular part of your day. Tell me what your own ritual is and how it helps you. I’m intrigued!

Posted in Mindfulness, Spirituality | Tagged mindfulness, nature, quiet | 6 Comments

Soulful home – the discover stage

Posted on February 12, 2015 by Naomi

When I was originally making choices and trying to incorporate color into the living and dining rooms, I had absolutely no idea how to go about it. I was very conscious of how my house would look to others. I chose pieces and arranged my shelves based on that.

Three years later, I honestly no longer care if it’s beautiful by anyone else’s standards except for the three of us who live here (and generally those other two go along with what I like, which makes it easy).

“DISCOVER is about taking our fantasies and incorporating them into our daily lives via actual, tangible things we can touch and hold, pack into the backseats of our cars, and install in our bedrooms, kitchens, living rooms, or gardens to remind us of an integral part of our souls.”

Balbes writes in SoulSpace that it’s very important in the Discover stage “to step outside your usual paths” and go to different stores, using Discover “to translate your dreams in to reality… open your eyes to the possibilities inherent in the unexpected.” It’s true that you have to think outside of the box. If you need a table, you may end up making one out of two sculptures you love and a piece of glass or wood. The important aspect here is to allow yourself time to come upon things you absolutely love. (This stage, like all the others, is not meant to be completed in one week.)

In our Facebook group, we are sharing Pinterest boards mostly. It’s fun to shop from your own home and that’s mostly what I’ve done. I also love that Discover is one of those stages that you continually come back to. Your home is never “done” because we who live in it are always changing. Reading that helped give me permission to let go of some things that I really don’t care for anymore.

living room 2 If our home is to be a sanctuary, it needs to be a respite and an inspiration to us. That means comfortable furniture and soft blankets, soothing artwork, and peaceful sounds. As Balbes writes, “home should be a place [where we] could grow, learn, live, love, and achieve in, a place where [we] could truly feel inspired and at peace.”

Technically, I think we could do this with IKEA furniture, but since we’re able to expand our horizons a bit, I’m enjoying looking for different things that speak to me. For the most part, Mr. B and I have the same taste and he’s fine with my purchases. I am ok with some empty spaces because I know we will come upon something that we love and we’ll be able to put it in that perfect spot. It’s a pretty big adjustment for me… not rushing to fill a space just to call it done.

Creating nooks for conversation and shared activities can do wonders to bring people together. Create more intimacy at home, and you will become more intimate in the world.

I’m definitely spending part of every day sorting and purging, but I am also enjoying some downtime. Our new enclosed porch is the perfect spot for dreaming, reading, and resting.

Different parts of it get sun and different times, and the evenings are nice too… I hung up some twinkle lights. We have been eating dinner out there.

I love it when I’m doing laundry and I look out the window and see this…

It’s sort of an invitation, don’t you think?

This week I tackled some of the garage and attic (one little family – so much stuff!), the playroom (huge project!) the hall closet, a bathroom cabinet, and a few drawers here and there. Here’s a “before and after” of our hall closet, just for fun. That simple over-the-door unit really helped with gift bags and ribbons! I was having a hard time seeing what I had with all my small bins and I usually left a mess behind. Also, I am hugely simplifying our containers of holiday ~~crap~~ decorations that were in this closet and storing them in a few labeled Rubbermaid tubs in the garage, one per holiday only.

“On your Discover journey, look for objects and pieces that hold an idea of what you want to become or that embody an important way of being that you would like to master.” I want to become relaxed, comfortable in my own skin, connected to nature. Tell us… do you already do this? Is it time for a refresh?

Posted in Home, Mindfulness, Quotations, Soulful Home prompts | Tagged artwork, Becoming, home, house, minimalist, organizing, storage, Xorin Balbes | 2 Comments

Balanced living… what’s that?

Posted on February 9, 2015 by Naomi

I’m kind of an all or nothing person. (I heard that! Was someone out there laughing?) W
hen I do something, I dive in and really get into it. Maybe you can go deeply into one or two things at a time, but each takes a great deal of mental and physical energy and loads of time. And you all know I’ve taken on quite a few things that, on their own, would be more than enough.

Every so often something will happen, as it does for this very reason I’m guessing, that causes me to take a huge (metaphorical) jump and view things from a higher perspective. Getting sick on vacation at the end of December did that for me. Thank goodness it didn’t take something more serious to get my attention.

Red leaf I am remembering that now because I’ve been on such a “home cleansing” tear that I find myself doing it again! I am sort of obsessed with this project because it feels so good to simplify. It’s like I’m saving myself from hours and hours of future cleaning.

It’s been a frantic past few months with my daughter beginning kindergarten, her ongoing separation struggles, and my own self-imposed obligations. My to-do lists and calendar were needlessly insane, I see now.

Maybe every mom feels this way, but I think my own daughter takes an extra amount of “work” from me. She is intense, spirited, determined, and very fearful of leaving my side, along with lots of other things. The amount of patience I tap into each day has got to come from somewhere. My downfall was not only in doing too much but in not replenishing the supply when I had opportunities for reflection, rest, and renewal.

Coming out of a fever and those few days of inactivity not only showed me that it’s ok to rest, but that the flurry of activity that was “the Fall” was quite ridiculous. The energy spent on such frivolous actions… I will spare you.

I took on far too much and kept adding to it every day as if there was something very large at stake. Not only that, but the self-judgment was high and time for quiet and restoration was too low. A recipe for failure for sure.

I had not nurtured important friendships because of feeling depleted of time and energy. I had not given as much attention to my husband and daughter because of it. Perhaps most important, I had not allowed myself time to rest and play and be me. And this is SO not how I want it to be!

Coming out of the illness, I saw that the most important pieces of my life, my husband and daughter, my larger family and community groups, are beautifully surrounding me.

I’ve taken a few steps toward “decluttering” my schedule, like resigning from teaching Sunday School for next year, moving our Girl Scout troop meetings to once a month, and saying no to helping on projects or events that just don’t resonate with me. It has brought relief and much more peace of mind, which tells me I’m headed in the right direction.

I am humbly grateful to my body for alerting me that we cannot continue this way. Living at such a frantic pace and for so many months is not healthy. It’s not as if I’m defending the free world here. Surely I can take time to eat and rest and BREATHE life in instead of speeding through it, to really notice those people who are so important to me and enjoy those relationships.

I have kicked off a fresh start to a more balanced way of life… perhaps you have too. May it be a time for loving and appreciating those around us, ourselves most of all.

Please share how you keep your schedule in check… I’d love to know!

Posted in Mindfulness, Motherhood | Tagged overdoing it, perfectionism | 23 Comments

File that under…

Posted on February 5, 2015 by Naomi

Let’s continue our Thursday discussions of SoulSpace! While this isn’t actually “soulful” home reorganization, it is a necessary step in order to have far less paper clutter, which contributes to that yuck factor at home for me.

I had a very organized filing cabinet that I would proudly show off. It sat in just inside an extra bathroom closet next door to our office/craft room, which otherwise houses photo albums, boxes of cards and sentimental items, and my craft supply overflow. Inevitably every year, I’d overhaul the file cabinet, update labels, add files, and shred old documents. And I would (ahem) actually file the towering stack of paperwork on top of the cabinet. That’s right, if something needed to be filed, it rarely made it into the filing cabinet.

What’s the point of having this system if it wasn’t working for me?

to pay So I started watching myself to try to figure out what was going on. A credit card bill would come in the mail, which I open in the kitchen above the recycling bin, and immediately get placed in the “bills” bin for my already scheduled bills/paperwork time on Fridays. (Had to implement that after learning the hard way.)

After it was paid was when the trouble started. (Past tense because I’m hopeful this is a thing of the past.) It would get set somewhere on the kitchen counter so that the next time I was headed to the office, I’d take it with me. Except I’d either forget or be heading to a different room, so I’d just drop it in the doorway of the office for later movement closer to its intended spot. Maybe while I was giving my daughter a bath I’d remember to find it and place the bill on the printer near that closet. Eventually it made it to inside the closet in that towering stack of paper.

You get the idea. I think now I have a workable system and so far, a week in, papers are getting filed right away. I took everything out, streamlined categories, and created a new system.

Problem 1: The files were stored in a remote closet!

Solution: Create a new system close to where we open the mail and where I pay bills. The pull-out drawer in the kitchen was available because I previously got rid of excess there and I have lots of empty cabinet space. You can read that post here.

Problem 2: My filing system was a bit OCD. I would break down a category into subcategories and those subcategories had mini files within. It was impossible to maintain one handed.

Solution: Broader categories. Rather than have a separate folder for medical, dental, and vision for each person for each year (gosh, I was detailed!), I have one general medical file for each person. Whether it’s a receipt for the eye doctor or an annual checkup, it goes in that person’s folder. Period. For home-related files, no more separate folders for electric, plumbing, yard maintenance, one for this or that handyman. There’s one folder labeled “Home Improvement.” Easy.

Problem 3: Items that need to be shredded floated around because the shredder is a heavy behemoth in said old closet.

Solution: New filing area has a folder right in front that’s specifically for items headed to the shredder. And like paying bills, I put a monthly reminder on my calendar to actually shred those.

I have a large bin for investments and insurance policies and a smaller one for home/bill stuff. There are a few other things I am trying with this new system. Dorky, I know, but it’s color coordinated. Green folders are financial, blue are house-related, and yellow are medical. I think it will make it easier to locate them. Most are new and labeled nicely. Might as well make this as pleasant an experience as possible! I’m also keeping various check books in their respective files because I can never remember where they are.

As with any system or module you set up, it has to actually work for you. If it’s lovely but not useful, maybe there are tweaks you could make. In this situation, moving and simplifying my files is working great. I still have the larger cabinet in the closet for other years’ files, tax returns, important long-term papers, etc. Keeping things where you’re far more likely to put things away helps immensely in cutting clutter. Hmm… perhaps I need to move my daughter’s hamper!

How many years of check registers can one person keep?

Tell me what works for you. Do you have items that never make it to their destination? What can you move around to solve that?

Posted in Home, Photography, Soulful Home prompts | Tagged closet, Home Improvement, house files, OCD, organization, storage | 6 Comments

December and January reads

Posted on February 2, 2015 by Naomi

Lately I’ve been reading here and there and mostly a hodgepodge of things. Honestly, I think I lost track and forgot to include something here. It’s been a different couple of months and I haven’t been writing things down. Oh well… this is the best of my memory. 🙂

SoulSpace: Transform Your Home, Transform Your Life — Creating a Home That Is Free of Clutter, Full of Beauty, and Inspired by You by Xorin Balbes

This one I’m reading a second time with our Facebook group and going through the 8 recommended stages. It is absolutely life changing! You can read my latest post about it here. Highly recommend.

All the Light We Cannot See: A Novel by Anthony Doerr

This novel created an entire other world unto itself and it was very absorbing. It’s about a blind French girl and a German boy whose paths collide in occupied France as both try to survive the devastation of World War II. The characters were so well-developed that I thought they were real. Recommend.

The Top Ten Things Dead People Want to Tell YOU by Mike Dooley

This was a humorous and reassuring book by an author I love. If you ever think about the nature of time and reality or whether our souls continue living after our earth time, this book is for you. I kept thinking, “OH! That makes total sense” as I was reading. The idea that we are all part of creation and God was reinforced. Recommend.

Madame Picasso by Anne Girard

SUCH a great story. Unfortunately, the entire time I was reading, I felt like I’d read this story before. Perhaps I had. It was enjoyable nonetheless and I was quickly absorbed in this love story. I thought it was well-written and I felt for the characters. Recommend for a fun read… and you learn a little about art history too.

The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide: How to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify Your Life by Francine Jay

A lighthearted guide toward a simple life. Nothing earthshaking here. However, she has a ton of tips and ideas that I think are great. I like her “STREAMLINE” method and that she breaks down each step of the process.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo

Kondo is a Japanese consultant who makes tidying an art form. Rather than straighten up and then have to do it all again the next day, Kondo describes a process of gathering like items, culling through the keepers, and then organizing them. Once you have far less possessions and a logical place for each item you own, it is easier to put things away. Highly recommend.

Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace by Anne Lamott

I’ve always enjoyed Lamott’s essays and these are no exception. She writes about spirituality, pain, forgiveness, finding joy in hopeless situations… all the biggies! I have to say that I like her irreverence. No matter what page you open to, you’ll find humor, wisdom and grace. Recommend.

The End of Power by Moises Naim

I thought it’d be fun to read Mark Zuckerberg’s first bookclub pick. This was a dense but fascinating read about how power is shifting and ending due to three main cultural changes of the 21st century. I learned a great deal about finance, governments, and education. Much of it was above my head but I’m glad I read it.

Emmanuel’s Book: A Manual for Living Comfortably in the Cosmos by Pat Rodegast, Judith Stanton

Emmanuel is a spirit who humorously answers questions about our world. Ram Dass, in the introduction, says: “Being with Emmanuel, one comes to appreciate the vast evolutionary context in which our lives are being lived . . . And at each moment we are at just the right place in the journey. As Emmanuel points out, ‘Who you are is a necessary step to being who you will be.'”

Why Your Weirdness Is Wonderful: Embrace Your Quirks and Live Your Strengths by Laurie Wallin

I read this at the suggestion of a friend and I enjoyed it. It’s basically about not resisting who you fundamentally are. It was a little too Christian for me, but I appreciated the message. I love the idea that something we may be ashamed of or try to hide could in fact be the best thing about us.

The Interestings: A Novel by Meg Wolitzer

I loved The Ten Year Nap, but I didn’t like this as much as I thought I would. However, the characters and what happens to each of them as they age intrigued me. It’s about a group of friends who meet at summer camp and grow in various ways together. At one point, on page 221, I decided to see what would happen if I skipped 100 pages. I truly don’t know that I missed much. From 321 to the end, I enjoyed it much more. It was smartly written and the characters were well-developed.

What have you been reading lately? And are you on Goodreads? I’d love to connect there.

Currently Reading

More monthly book reports

Everything I’ve Ever Read (I think) – OMG I haven’t updated this in a few months. Aaargh!